Episode 718: Nervous system regulation, sexuality, and fascism

Considering fascism is quickly taking hold more and more in the U.S. and beyond, I thought it would be a good idea to bring back my friend of the podcast, Beatriz Victoria Albina, to talk about nervous system healing and sexuality, emotional outsourcing and what sexuality has to do with fascism. From the start of the episode, Bea explains what trauma actually is in clear, everyday language without clinical jargon, and then we move into more nuanced topics. Béa is a master certified somatic life coach, UCSF-trained family nurse practitioner, and breath work meditation guide who helps humans socialized as women break free from codependency, perfectionism, and people-pleasing so they can reclaim their joy. A lot of what we cover in today’s episode shows up in her brand new book End Emotional Outsourcing.  Here’s what you’ll hear in today’s episode:  Nervous system dysregulation can show up in our sex lives through anxiety, shutdown, performance pressure, and disconnection, while a regulated state supports safety, presence, and genuine pleasure. Developmental trauma and chronic stress shape how we show up sexually, influencing our capacity for trust, intimacy, and embodiment. Fawning can show up in the bedroom when someone prioritizes their partner’s needs, desires, or approval over their own authentic experience. Dissociation and emotional outsourcing can even show up during masturbation, pulling us out of presence with our own bodies and pleasure. Reclaiming sexuality often begins when we stop outsourcing our emotional safety to partners and start building that safety within ourselves. The common advice to “stop worrying about what other people think” oversimplifies the deeper nervous system and relational dynamics that shape our behavior. Emotional safety and connection in a relationship often need to be addressed alongside sexual intimacy rather than waiting for one to be “fixed” before the other. Authoritarian cultural systems can shape our relationship to sexuality by policing bodies, pleasure, and autonomy. Many of us internalize these systems in our own bodies—creating self-policing patterns around desire, pleasure, and expression—and healing involves consciously deconstructing those patterns. As a reminder, please join me on my Substack! I'm writing about topics like this, poetry, and everything in between. Resources from this episode:Get my emails so you won’t miss the writing program I’m teaching with Shannon Kaiser Connect with me on my Substack, How Very Human of YouBea’s previous interview on Make Some NoiseEnd Emotional Outsourcing book Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices