Flashlights, Lanterns, and the Way We Listen! | Haru Yamada #62

"Not being a hundred percent sure all the time is a weird strength." - Haru Yamada In this episode of Curated Questions, Ken Woodward is in conversation with Dr. Haru Yamada, a sociolinguist, intercultural communication scholar, and author of Kiku: The Japanese Art of Good Listening, to explore what it really means to listen. Haru traces her early understanding of questions back to age four, when she moved from Tokyo to New York and had to use questions as a tool for language, belonging, and survival. Together, they unpack how culture shapes communication: English often rewards “flashlight” questioning, the precise, content-driven clarity, while Japanese culture tends to favor a “lantern” approach that illuminates context, relationship, and what isn’t said. Haru also shares the harrowing accident that reshaped her understanding of listening as a health practice, linking felt-heard experiences to relational, mental, and even physical well-being. In a noisy, multitasking world, this conversation reframes listening as an active, life-giving skill, and a compass for navigating each other with empathy. Be sure to check out the weekly Curated Questions Dispatch newsletter for more fun with questions and curiosity! (https://substack.com/@curatedquestions) This Curated Questions episode can be found on all major platforms and at CuratedQuestions.com. Keep questioning! Episode Notes 00:00 Introduction: Embracing Uncertainty 01:57 Introducing Dr. Haru Yamada 02:23 The Art of Listening: Kiku 03:12 A Life-Altering Accident 03:37 Welcoming Dr. Yamada 04:02 Early Experiences with Questions 04:57 Navigating Cultural Differences 07:28 The Journey of a Third Culture Kid 08:19 Academic Pursuits in Linguistics 10:32 The Strength in Uncertainty 16:04 Questioning Anti-Fragility As A Goal 23:02 Flashlight vs. Lantern: Different Approaches to Questions 26:57 Cultural Context in Business Meetings 28:16 Interpersonal Communication Challenges 32:12 The Importance of Listening 39:51 Personal Anecdotes and Reflections 44:11 The Healing Power of Being Heard 47:42 Reflecting on Past Medical Experiences 48:16 The Evolution of Listening Post-COVID 49:41 Remote Work and Multitasking 52:24 The Impact of Isolation on Communication 54:02 Curated Interactions in the Digital Age 55:34 The Shift in Media Consumption 57:48 The Importance of Visual and Auditory Listening 59:04 Personal Experiences with Hearing Loss 01:00:58 Advancements in Hearing Aid Technology 01:03:20 The Value of Ambiguous Questions 01:04:23 The Fear of Uncertainty in Listening 01:05:05 The Role of Multitasking in Communication 01:07:24 Learning from Students' Unique Needs 01:11:29 The Changing Nature of Academic Inquiry 01:19:23 Better Understanding The Lantern View 01:22:35 Cultural Differences in Language Learning 01:24:52 The Complexity of Bilingualism 01:26:48 The Challenges of Cross-Cultural Communication 01:31:07 Final Reflections and Takeaways Resources Mentioned KIKU: The Japanese Art of Good Listening by Dr. Haru Yamada Lynn Borton at Choose To Be Curious Jeff Wetzler Austin K Graff Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder by Nassim Nicholas Taleb The Power of Introverts TED Talk by Susan Cain Stanford Interpersonal Dynamics Class Dr. Haru Yamada on LinkedIn Producer Ben Ford Beauty Pill