Grief Through the Holiday

Good morning, Five Minute Families! Thank you for joining us again this morning as we share ideas for godly family living in family-sized nuggets. Often, the noise of the holidays has already begun, and while this year many folks have unabashedly decorated for Christmas early, others of our loved ones are feeling overwhelmed because they experienced the death of someone they love very much this year.The lights and songs and decorations can bring a heightened sense of that loss. Holidays are often so hard after the loss of a loved one, especially the first holidays. Do you stick with the old traditions or throw them all out? Do you plan events knowing you might break down, or do you avoid making any plans at all? How can we get through this and stay out of the pit of pain and despair?Well, we cannot and should not pretend the holidays do not exist. Running from the pain of loss is never healthy in the long run. While we each have a unique path to take through the grief journey, we are all experiencing the holiday time together. Being sensitive to each other’s needs will be especially important at this time. Children will grieve differently than adults, so understanding their patterns will be important, too. Many families choose to make the first holidays after the death of a loved one completely different from any other holiday before. They may opt to go to an amusement park for the day, or travel to a different place. Sometimes, this is helpful because it allows the adults to not be confronted with the pain of traditions where their loved one is missing but gives the children outlets for their energy when the difficult moments arise.Some families find it is extremely important to them to continue the family traditions as close to how they were before the loved one died. This may mean that the next oldest carves the turkey instead of Dad. It may mean that the holiday meal is still at the grandparents’ house, but Aunt Jenny makes Grandma’s famous deviled eggs instead. Thinking through and planning how those traditions will be handled and by whom can make for a much smoother transition through the holidays.If your family cannot agree on certain points, our suggestion would be that the family member with the closest relationship to the deceased be the final decision maker. For example, if Grandpa died, Grandma can decide if the holidays are to be a traditional or a unique experience, at least for the parts she is joining in on.Five things to remember as you grieve through the holidays are:Express your needs and wants. Your loved ones cannot read your mind, and they need you to share what you want most out of these first holidays. That means, you will need to lovingly say your ‘yeses’ and ‘nos’ as needed.Remember, that your family members want you involved in their events, and they will likely try to be as sensitive as possible, but you will need to be sensitive to their needs, too. None of you needs to force each person to fully participate in every event.Plan a way to honor the loved one who has died. If your family has chosen to do something completely different this year, make sure each of you still has an opportunity to share about your loved one in some way.Arrange your plans but stay flexible. The holidays will likely be much more difficult if you have no plans at all but make sure to allow flexibility for those harder moments.And, that brings us to the reminder, that hard moments will come. Please don’t pretend that the holidays are not hard, and be with someone trustworthy who will allow you the opportunity to fully realize the hard moments and not just gloss over them.Obviously, we just spent the last few minutes giving suggestions, but the reality is that whether you take any of them or all of them, we each must hold each other a little tighter; we must be compassionate, patient, and understanding; we must let go of someone special and it hurts. The holidays may not SEEM as bright this year, but God is still God and He holds each of our broken dreams and tears.May God bring you moments of joy, laughter, peace, and comfort as you embrace Him through this challenging season.We pray that this week – and through this season – you will sense the power and glory and hope that God provides. Be blessed!