💔 Grieving a Sibling: How Deb Strebel Transformed Sibling Loss into a Legacy of Love

When you lose your only sibling, it doesn’t just break your heart — it shatters your sense of self.Sibling loss is a grief that often goes unacknowledged. Parents lose a child. Spouses lose a partner. But siblings? They’re expected to be strong, to support others, and to move on.For Deb Strebel, the death of her 15-year-old brother Lee was not just a personal tragedy. It became the catalyst for a life-altering transformation — one that would lead her to found Lee Alexander & Co., a custom memorial jewelry company dedicated to helping others carry their loved ones with them, forever.In this interview with Grief 2 Growth host Brian Smith, Deb shares her story of unimaginable loss, healing through therapy and creativity, and building a business that honors grief through beauty, legacy, and love.The Overlooked Pain of Sibling Loss“I remember sitting alone at the table during a memorial event,” Deb said. “Everyone was talking about my brother, my parents, their loss… but no one even mentioned that Lee had a sister.”That one moment crystallized something she’d already begun to feel in her bones: sibling grief is often invisible.When someone loses a child, a spouse, or a parent, communities tend to rally around them. But siblings often get overlooked. They’re assumed to be “okay” or “secondary” mourners — when in fact, they’ve lost not just a family member, but often their lifelong companion, mirror, and memory-keeper.“Suddenly, I went from being a big sister to an only child,” Deb explained. “And that’s not just a label — it changes your entire identity.”She wasn’t just mourning Lee. She was mourning the future they’d never get to share: family holidays, inside jokes, and watching each other grow older.“Sibling loss grief isn’t talked about enough,” she said. “And yet, it changes you forever.”The Shock of Sudden LossDeb was 18 years old and attending college locally when she received the call that would forever divide her life into “before” and “after.”“I was in the library, and suddenly I felt this chill — like, to my core,” she recalled. “It was so strange, I even asked my friend if the temperature had dropped.”An hour later, she got a voicemail from the police. Something had happened to her brother, and she needed to get to the hospital immediately.“I just knew,” Deb said. “I didn’t know how, but I knew he was gone.”Lee, a vibrant 15-year-old sophomore involved in theater and improv, had collapsed during class. The cause was myocarditis — a rare viral infection of the heart that can strike suddenly and fatally, even in otherwise healthy teenagers.“I had never even thought about death before,” Deb said. “No one I knew had died. And suddenly, my little brother — the person I grew up with, fought with, loved — was just gone.”The suddenness of it all created a sense of unreality. “Is this really my life?” she asked herself. “How could this possibly be my story?”Trauma, Therapy, and the Turning PointGrief didn’t show up in a straight line for Deb. It came as panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and overwhelming fear.“I became obsessed with the idea that something terrible would happen again,” she said. “I didn’t feel safe in the world anymore.”Deb’s trauma responses were physical as well as emotional. She experienced health issues that seemed to come out of nowhere. “I didn’t know that grief could make you sick,” she said. “But it did. My body was reacting to trauma I couldn’t process.”Her family encouraged her to go to therapy, but her first experience didn’t go well.“The therapist told me, ‘Sometimes we’ll cry together.’ I remember thinking, I’m here so YOU don’t cry. I’m not here to comfort you.”Eventually, she found a better fit — a trauma-informed therapist who introduced her to EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).“EMDR helped me process the most traumatic image I had — seeing my dad’s face through the hospital window. It was like I could finally breathe again,” she said.This turning point allowed her to begin healing not just mentally, but spiritually and emotionally. It also set the stage for something she never expected: a new sense of purpose.A New Purpose Is BornDeb’s parents owned a successful wealth management firm and had long hoped she would take over the business.“I worked there through college,” she said. “But I just couldn’t see myself doing financial planning. I didn’t love the technical side. It wasn’t my passion.”After Lee’s death, Deb realized she needed something that felt deeply meaningful. And she was already wearing her inspiration around her neck — literally.“I had bought one of those low-cost memorial necklaces online,” she said. “But it tarnished in the hot tub. The ashes were ruined.”Heartbroken, Deb worked with a local jeweler to create a more durable, beautiful piece — one that could truly honor her brother.That experience planted a seed.“I thought, There have to be other people who want something beautiful and lasting. Something worthy of their loved one’s memory.”Soon, Lee Alexander & Co. was born — a name that keeps Lee’s memory alive in every customer interaction, every shipment, and every heartfelt thank-you call.Behind the Scenes at Lee Alexander & Co.Lee Alexander & Co. is more than just a jewelry brand. It’s a deeply personal, lovingly crafted, and enduring memorial experience. The jewelry is intended to last for generations.Here’s how it works:* Choose Your Design: Every piece is made to order. Customers can select a pre-designed piece or request a custom creation.* Receive Your Kit: The company sends a collection kit with instructions and prepaid shipping.* Send a Small Sample: A tiny amount of ashes, hair, fabric, or even sand is sent back for inclusion in the jewelry.* Personalization Options: Customers can add initials, symbols, or meaningful stones (not just birthstones — Deb encourages picking what feels right).* Sealed With Intention: Each chamber is sealed using a laser welder to permanently protect its contents.* Delivered With Care: Finished pieces are shipped with any unused material and full insurance.“We only use materials like 14k or 18k gold and platinum,” Deb explains. “These aren’t trinkets. These are heirlooms.”Customers often come back years later to say they still wear their piece daily — and that it’s helped them feel close to someone they thought they’d never feel near again.Grief, Legacy & ConnectionDeb’s customers aren’t just clients — they’re grieving people in search of connection.She recalls one woman who burst into tears on the phone after receiving her custom ring. “She said she finally felt some relief. That she didn’t realize how much she needed something like this until she had it,” Deb recalled.Many clients create jewelry not just for themselves, but for their families. Parents who’ve lost a child. Spouses honoring their partners. Siblings, like Deb, keeping the bond alive.“Legacy isn’t just about what someone leaves behind,” Deb says. “It’s about what we continue to carry — and create — in their name.”Her own ring features an aquamarine stone — not because it’s Lee’s birthstone, but because they both loved the ocean.“I tell people, pick what reminds you of your loved one. Forget the rules. Make it yours.”A Message for the GrievingIf you’ve lost a sibling, Deb wants you to know this: You matter. Your grief matters.You are not just a support system for your parents. You’re not expected to “get over it” faster than others. Your bond was real, and your loss is profound.“Give yourself grace,” she says. “There’s no right way to grieve — but there is support, and there is healing.”Deb also encourages grieving people to not settle for the wrong kind of help. A mismatched therapist can be worse than none at all. Keep looking. Keep asking. The right person — and the right tools — can make a difference.Carrying Love ForwardToday, nearly 20 years after Lee’s passing, Deb has helped hundreds of families hold onto what matters most — their memories, their love, and their connection.She believes we all have the power to create legacy in unexpected ways.“At 15, Lee had no idea he’d have this kind of impact,” she said. “But here we are — helping others carry their loved ones close. And he’s a part of every single one of those stories.”💬 Share Your StoryHave you lost a sibling or created something meaningful in a loved one’s memory?We’d love to hear from you.👉 Join the conversation right here:🔗 Explore Lee Alexander & Co.✨ Ready to create a timeless piece that keeps your loved one close?Visit leealexanderandco.com💌 Email Deb: [email protected]📸 Instagram: @leealexanderandco📌 Key Takeaways* Sibling loss grief is often misunderstood but deeply life-altering.* EMDR therapy can be a powerful tool for processing trauma.* Grief can be transformed into purpose and creativity.* Memorial jewelry offers a way to carry love forward — beautifully and tangibly.* There’s no “right way” to grieve — but support and connection make all the difference.Thanks for reading Grief 2 Growth! This post is public, so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe