Handling Mistakes

Good morning, Five Minute Families. We hope you are having an excellent week. Have you ever evaluated how your family handles mistakes and the cost of correction? How you correct one another matters to the heart of your children and spouse as well as to the family identity you are intentionally creating. A simple example is when our toddlers are learning to speak. Sometimes, we correct the pronunciation.But, there are times when their mispronunciations will become part of the family fabric. Grandparent names often come from these. We had a friend who corrected every single mispronunciation of not only her own children but every child she interacted with. Once, when I used a mispronunciation our children used often, she admonished me. It was odd, honestly.Baby babble and toddler speak are not wrong. It’s learning. There are times when correcting their words is necessary, but there are times when simply saying them correctly ourselves when we speak will be enough.My friend’s staunch and almost fierce response about toddler speak was quite off-putting. I was afraid to make an error in front of her; I cannot imagine how her children felt.Of course, if our spouse or child is saying something that is a lie or that is inaccurate to the meaning of the situation, then correction is necessary. We cannot forget the many verses likeProverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” Correction can be a good and right thing. So, let’s explore how a five-minute family can correct one another biblically and lovingly.First, each of us must do some self-examination. I have seen spouses who loved one another and the Lord, and yet, when one constantly corrects the other one, even jokingly, it begins to wear on the partner, and their relationship. In one marriage, we saw the highly intelligent husband “find the words” faster than his wife, correct her pronunciation even when it was obvious what she meant, or even snidely laugh at her when she was wrong. She was an intelligent woman, capable of many good and wonderful things, but to see her with her husband, she was much more timid and constantly concerned about making a mistake around him. Make sure the needs and purpose of the correction are being rightly evaluated and not for selfish gain.Second, we need to identify what we will correct and what we will not be correcting. Correction is important, but, parents must also remember Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 both of which remind us not to provoke our children to anger. If our children feel that they can never live up to our standards, they will become resentful and discouraged. The cost of unnecessary corrections can weigh heavy on our children. One of our sons was constantly behaving in a negative way toward one of his brothers. It got to where I corrected him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. they interacted. I was exhausted. I jumped to conclusions. I didn’t listen. I didn’t look into the heart of the matter and ultimately I provoked him to anger. I had to ask for forgiveness and build back the relationship while intentionally looking for the good things to praise. Third, we must choose the right timing. If you need to correct the person, do you do it right then or wait for another time? Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” We know that God has perfect timing, so we need to be prayerful before correcting a loved one. Let God lead you in each individual situation.Our fourth point goes along with the third. We must remember the saying, “Correct in private, praise in public.” Of course, as parents, we know that that is not always possible, but when we are evaluating whether to correct something our child or spouse has said, remember that the people near them in the situation will influence their perception of our intent, so whenever possible try to keep times of correcting for private conversations.And, fifth, never leave out the discussion of “what now?” What will be the way forward? We know from Proverbs 15:32 that “[w]hoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.” We cannot control our child’s or spouse’s response to a moment of correction, but we can make sure to spend quality time discussing it lovingly and praying over the future application of the correction.Meditate on Hebrews 12:11 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”There is always a cost to correction. The cost for good, loving, and proper correction leads to wise, well-rounded, kind, and righteous living, but the cost for bad correction is one of disunity and distrust. Pray about the heart of the correction in your home. Be blessed!