Brought to you by the EveryDollar app, start budgeting for free today. Oh, I'm kind of, I'm just kind of like a, my mind isn't like in chaos right now. I'm on the verge of wanting to divorce my husband. Basically, to try to keep it short, but for the whole last year and this year, he has been kept in the dark of our finances, so that I wasn't allowed to be, to have access to the count or any of the counts.
And she would kind of occasionally like do the money weekly. But anyways, I was like, hey, it's time to get in house because we have a three-year-old that needs to go in bedroom. So we pulled out money from the HELOC, and he was very up to pulling that money out. Why would you pull money out of a HELOC to get a new house?
Why don't you sell your house? Well, we were gonna keep this house to rent it out and charge it out because the rental market in my area is about 2,300 and a mortgage is only 1,000. Well, that's before you took out a HELOC and before you had expenses. But let's go ahead, okay.
Yeah, and so we were gonna take the HELOC, put money down on another home and, you know, live there. But between December to May, I didn't know that he actually gambled all of the HELOC. And I found out too that we have like $20,000 worth of credit card that were all cash advances. So he obviously has a gambling problem.
Yes. What kind of gambling is he doing? He does slot machines. Mm-hmm, okay.
And when you all talk about this, what does he say? He doesn't, he, well, when I found out, I was like, where did our HELOC go? I was like, well, first I found out about the $20,000 loan from like seven different credit cards. And I was like, okay, you know what, my ticker HELOC, paying off of that because he wants to be only 9% and all the credit cards are like 23 or 12, 9%.
And he was like, well, he walks on. And then I was like, wait, okay, so I was like, what happens where he walks? You move on, I can move on. And again, when I got a thousand dollars in there.
And so he told me where it went. And I was kind of in shock. And then I said, okay, you need to go to gambler anonymous. But she refuses and he says, I have no problem.
I can do it. I'll just give you all the money. I'll transfer it to my account to your account and you handle all the bills. A big part of me to feel like he cons me into getting the HELOC so that he could have access to cash and he burned through it really quickly.
So now we have the house that was only a thousand dollar mortgage. Now it's $3,200 mortgage. And now we have no money to go get in the house or even pay for the care for the house. And the old the whole time I've been moving like, you know, on 90,000 a year.
What do you make? I don't make anything. I say home. I did sell a couple of homes last year, 20 to 18,000 last year.
But since he didn't give me any money, I kind of burned through that and paid off things. And how do you think we can help you best today? I guess just that since that's not his only vision in 2018, he had to go to rehab and finally stop drinking. But I feel like just with so many addictions that I've had to tolerate, like, is that bronze for the horse and the house and I need to be free of clear of debt?
Yes, it is grounds for that. But the thing is this, until he puts a diction of all kinds in the rear view mirror and unless he puts a diction of all kinds in the rear view mirror, you're going to have hell on earth. Yeah, it happened. Yeah, and it's not going to get better.
It's getting worse every day. And so I'm going to work on it myself as the famous lie of every addict, okay? No one destroys their whole financial situation when they have a three year old at home that is logical. It's not logical, it's financial suicide.
Only an addict commits financial suicide. And 100% of addicts eventually are broke. And most of them die from something associated with the addiction. And we've worked with addicts for 30 years.
We are not addiction specialists, but I'm afraid I've watched them a long, long time. 100% of them are liars, 100% of them are manipulators and 100% of them are eventually broke and stay broke. So the only answer, the solution to that is to not be an addict anymore. And that means get help and put the addiction in the rear view mirror, gamblers, anonymous, counseling, strong support systems, social systems around you, changing the picture, changing the look, changing everything, and the cocaine, the heroin, the alcohol, the gambling, the pornography is in the rear view mirror.
It's the only chance that the family has and that the addict has. And this is not something you fix on your own, bubba. That ain't how this works. It's got control of you.
It owns you. And you have to have some help to get this demon off your back. You can't do it by yourself. And it's just, obviously, if you coulda, you woulda screwed your whole family over.
No one does that on purpose. It's in how to control person that does that. So Jill, your position, if you were my daughter or my little sister, I put my arm around you and say, ah, he's already got two strikes. If he doesn't get in counseling and doesn't start taking some hard strides towards putting this in the rear view mirror.
And that includes he doesn't touch money ever again for the next four years. You touch all the money. You handle every bit of it. He doesn't see any of it.
You explain it to him. You show him where it went. You can be transparent with it where it happens. But he hands his paycheck over to you.
He has no hidden accounts, no lies, no side credit cards, no side girlfriends, no book wrap. And keep yourself protected too, Jill. Yeah, if he won't, if he won't turn it over to you and go get in counseling, you're gonna have nothing but hell on earth because he's just lying again. Sorry, but that's just a hard core.
There's no middle ground with folk in these situations. Man or woman, doesn't matter. In that case, you're protecting yourself, Jill, and your child. Yeah, and you got to start talking about what kind of career you're gonna have to sustain your life as a single mom.
Because 100% of addicts are eventually broke. 100%. That's a horrible stat. Create your free every dollar budget today, the simplest way to budget for your life.