Horny All The Time

What do I do if I’m horny all the time? This time on the podcast we addressed the issue of what to do if you feel horny a lot of the time. The first thing we considered was whether it is a problem. We may get the message that there’s an acceptable level of horniness to have and that it isn’t okay to be more or less horny than that, but the reality is that there’s huge diversity between people in how horny they feel (from not at all to lots) and it also fluctuates a lot within any individual person over time. Also we may well feel bad about it because of wider cultural shame and stigma, or because people in our lives are shaming us for it, rather than because it is a problem for us. If we are comfortable with it, and if we’re acting on it only in consensual ways, then it’s okay. Whether we have a problem or not we might find it useful to understand it better. As with all things in life horniness is biopsychosocial. That means that it is at the level it is because of a complex mixture of the way our body works (bio), the things that have happened - and are happening to us (psycho), and the cultural messages around us (social). For example, if somebody feels less horny in their 50s, this could be due to a mixture of the cultural messages about libido declining over time or older people being less attractive, to the hormonal shifts in their body, and due to specific situations they’re going through (such as a relationship difficulty, or their work becoming very busy, or a worsening chronic pain condition). Many people who take HRT in the form of testosterone feel more horny than before, but this can be due to the expectation of becoming hornier, to feeling more comfortable in their body, to genital enlargement meaning that area is stimulated more, or to changes in their lives that they make which give them more outlet for horniness, as well as to the direct impact of the hormone itself. People also respond differently to different situations, such as some people becoming more horny when grieving and others becoming less so. Why might some people struggle to feel highly horny? Here are a few common reasons: Shame because of cultural messages and/or the kinds of things they’re thinking about (see our zine on Erotic Fantasies for more about this) Judgement from others Being horny that much is distracting them from being present to other things Doing something about the horniness is taking time away from others things It creates difficulties because of an imbalance in a relationship (e.g. one person much more horny than another, or relationship agreements forbidding acting on the horniness) (more about this in our other zines and in Enjoy Sex) As with sex more widely, it’s worth thinking about what needs might be being expressed by the horniness. It can be as simple as ‘I feel turned on’, but horniness can sometimes also be a manifestation of other needs/desires, for example: Needing to move the body or have some physical exertion Wanting to soothe yourself or be kind to yourself in an embodied way - perhaps because things are tough Desiring a creative outlet Needing another kind of release but not being able to allow that (e.g. crying, laughing, anger, etc.) Wanting some kind of intimacy or human contact Find the full blog post at megjohnandjustin.com