How Do I Monitor My Husband's Finances?

brought to you by the every dollar app start budgeting for free today so I want to know how can I go on in the way second trust my husband after he had moved all our savings without telling me I discovered it and he keeps on making financial decisions without telling me or asking me where do you take your savings? well he moved to another account and that part of it that has higher interest and some of it went into some investment but like not a concern because we kind of talked about it but it's just not the only in the last few years not the only time that he did things and I discovered it well I guess there's two things here one is you can't like you're asking yourself to do something like you're asking yourself to find trust within yourself and the person you're trying to trust continues to violate the trust and so if you want to reestablish trust and you have to put down on on the table lay it out there here's what must be true for me to trust you again we're gonna have to practice and we're gonna have to go step by step to reestablish trust and then the other person has to participate yeah so like relationally I know what to ask of him like I want to you know like first you do this and this and then we can like work together and you know that I'll so it's what it makes you step what it makes you think I actually I don't know what to ask of him because I thought we had like a joint bank bank account and it turns out like probably I don't know what a joint bank account is and what like what I ask of what should I ask of him to be sure that you know money doesn't disappear like all of a sudden I have some yeah I mean you need to have a spreadsheet that has every account on it and what every password for every account is and your you should both be sitting down with an investment professional smart bester pros we call him here and they're walking both of you through your retirement accounts and how much money you have in those accounts and you should know how much cash y'all have I mean all this stuff you should know what does he say his reasoning is for doing this without telling you when you find out you say my gosh you moved the money what does he say he he couldn't explain it actually he started saying well because you because you and I'm like I stopped like my mind shut off I stopped you know listening because like what I mean because you you did it you didn't like you saying well he's trying to put the guild on me it somehow the worst thing is that for 15 years like money wasn't something that we ever had fight or about did you ever talk about it in a 15 years and you saw everything you had access to everything and you knew everything was for 15 years yeah and here's a say we would discuss it or sometimes like say I want to do this or I did this and I'm like okay so he always said what's going on and then he just is he in trouble is he making is he struggling with gambling or is he seeing somebody else where's this money going I want to say that it's not going I don't think he has problems with gambling but and he I don't know actually what's going on because this is like the last two years there's been serious of the trails okay so here's the thing here's you do yeah go ahead well there's been other betrayals Susie in your marriage yeah okay yeah on his end or your relation we what to ask but then how do I make myself an have you caught him having a fair he was in emotional affair with somebody okay my guess is if there's missing money or suddenly money's getting moved around all over the place that if you went and did a forensic deep dive into that and forensics just means you went and you went line by line to see what is stuff's being spent you're gonna find stuff spent on flowers and hotel rooms and things like that it's just very rare for things to be be bop and along for 15 years everybody's on the same page and suddenly all the money gets moved you don't know where it is it's getting spread out all that kind of stuff if I'm you or if you're my sister you're my mom I would tell you pull your credit report today to find out what loans have been taken out with your social security number I would freeze my credit and then I would tell my husband I we're gonna have a meeting with every single account every dollar not I want to know what is in all of our retirement accounts I want to know what's in all of our savings account what's in our checking account and an accounting for world cash actually is yeah and it's just gonna be a sheet and by the way it's not hard to do I've got one my wife has one and Rachel it's pretty common that somebody just instantly gets into a mess and I see it more and more with online gambling over the last few years yes yes usually when there's yes when there's shuffling around like this and then suddenly there was transparency now there's not transparency there's a red flag that's the biggest waiting on top of a mountain red flag yeah yeah and I would say even from a relational standpoint I don't feel like you guys are probably fully healed from that obviously because even the way he's speaking to you or what you told us he's shifting the blame the gas lights are burning brightly yeah I mean seriously like it's it is pretty wild so yeah I would be yeah I mean it is so difficult because if it's not under your name he could have a secret account that you never know about so so there is a level of his transparency that he has to come forward as well but you can pull things on in your name if you know the banks you guys are banking at together whatever name account that whatever account is in your name you will have access to you will be able to see it and then asking him to do the same because I'll be curious as you do you're digging on the side and he brings information it is doesn't line up with what you even found right then there's another you know distrust there but this is so usually with these types of situations we always say on it is true it's at this point it's not a it's not a money thing it's a marriage issue yeah big time because of the marriage issues it's coming out as this money issue and so yeah I mean you guys have you have a road of feeling I mean you really do and if you guys want to well you got a road effect finding for the for the better yes yeah yeah yeah and I get the full story yeah and and that's really really difficult and always scary I'm like that's it is the betrayal it's always so difficult so difficult so yeah I'm sorry Susie thanks for the call I hope that helps and I hope it does give you some empowerment to to go and to look and I think for some you know I'll say women who do allow the husband's just to basically do majority of everything when it comes to the money this is one of the issues that we find because you do feel overwhelmed like I'm gonna I don't even know where to start like I don't even know what to look for or what to ask because you're saying that you don't even know what to ask from a financial situation so again just to repeat and and and help you in this I mean it is asking checking accounts it's asking savings accounts high yield accounts money market accounts investments retirement accounts I mean I mean I was getting debts any debts that are there yes and which on set to pulling your credit report and saying if any debts have been taken out but that's that's kind of that those are that kind of the categories to walk through to ask him and then for you to go in this investigative mode and let me put on set a minute out there you are not helping your wife have any sort of peace in her life by saying I've got I've got it right at some regular interval whether it's every month or every quarter twice a year once a year sit down and say and of course there's somebody who pushes the button and pays the bills or somebody moves the money I get that have some sort of hey just so we're all the same page here's where everything is and here's where we are that 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