How to Raise a Child Who Actually Comes to You When They're Struggling | Episode 74

A student died by suicide. A freshman. Neither his parents nor teachers knew he was struggling. Not even his friends. It is the question that haunts every parent of teenagers and the foundation of teen mental health: Do my kids actually trust me? Would they come to me if they were in crisis? Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of youth suicide and mental health crises. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. Crisis resources cited below.In this episode, part 2 of the Trust Series, Dr. Marjorie & Michael move from institutional trust to the most personal kind. What trust actually means according to research, why kids hide emotions, why teens don't talk to parents, and what it takes to become the person your child trusts with the things they are most afraid to say out loud.Because trust is not just reliability. It is a willingness to be vulnerable. And that willingness has to be built long before the crisis arrives.This is a guide for parenting teenagers through the lens of two educators navigating co-parenting after divorce and raising emotionally healthy kids. If you are wondering how to get kids to open up, how to create emotional safety for kids, or how to build trust with your teenager, this conversation is for you. Because your kids are not learning trust from a textbook. And neither are you.Inside the Episode:"Do My Kids Trust Me?" Trust is easy to claim when things are good. It is only demonstrated when things are not. This is the question that anchors the whole episode.Why Kids Don't Talk to Parents. Signs your teen is struggling are not always visible. Shame, stigma, & perception that asking for help means weakness keep young people silent. Learn how to talk to teens about mental health without shutting the door, because even the most present parents cannot guarantee their kids will reach out I Will Put Love in the Driver's Seat. The parenting framework for modeling accountability for kids: "I will put love and your safety in the driver's seat before consequences & accountability." Micro-Stabs vs. Big Betrayals. Death by a thousand cuts destroys trust just as completely as one dramatic betrayal in parent-child relationships, just as much as romantic ones. The Research on Trust and Belonging. Baumeister & Leary's belonging research and Ohio State's trust framework applied to parenting. What we teach kids about trust starts with what we show them every single day.Modeling Vulnerability and Emotional Safety. How to get a child to open up about feelings starts with modeling emotional safety yourself. Giving kids the emotional vocabulary they need before the crisis arrives. Parenting and mental health are inseparable. What we model for our kids in uncertain times is what they carry with them. This is emotionally safe parenting in practice.Physical Presence Matters. Community requires inconvenience. Showing up in person is one of the most trust-building things a parent can do."I will put love and your safety in the driver's seat before consequences and accountability." "We usually think of trust as big trust, instead of thinking about all the little micro-stabs." "Logic doesn't work. We have to pay attention to the emotional tenor of our relationships." "I trust you more now than when we were married."Follow Us on InstagramParents and Professors Podcast: / parentsandprofessorspod Dr. Michael Steven Williams: / drmikewill Dr. Marjorie Dorime-Williams: / drminimarj