Brought to you by Zander Insurance Identity Theft Protection isn't a luxury in today's world. It's a necessity. Get yours at zander.com. I just have a brief question for you guys and that is I take care of my stepdad and I myself have no more debt but he has $13,000 combined between a personal loan from his brother-in-law and credit card debt and I've been working on the credit card debt for quite a long time and I haven't worked on the loan because I'm trying to get some help from him and I'm not.
Why are you working on his debts? Well, originally when we started living together it was one of those things where we kind of needed each other in terms of like I didn't have anything and I had the job but he had the place to live and he had a credit card and he's kind of spiraled out of there. We've had life events happen. I got in a car acting a couple years ago.
We had to put the whole thing on the credit card because we didn't have insurance didn't pay out in time. So you technically don't owe these debts. It's all in his name but you feel a guilt because it was taken out for your benefit. That and he took care of my mother to her dying day and I told him that I felt like I should do the same for him.
So you feel like there's no legal obligation. It's a moral obligation and you want to be generous and just pay off his debt. Yes, I feel that way. Cut.
And I'm kind of in the conundrum as well that I need to take care of myself and my daughter too. Yes. Yeah. So listen bro, you don't, I'm saying this in a way that I always want to hold very tightly that we honor our parents, okay?
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That was his wife. He was supposed to take care of you. You're his kid. Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I get you. I don't, I don't, I hope that if I ever found myself destitute and my son was able to, he would help out as old man. I do. I like the idea that I can help out my dad if I ever need to, okay?
But that's different than I'm, I'm, I'm some sort of an account that he's going to start withdrawing from. And that's really how it kind of feels lately. Yes. That I'm obligated to do this.
And is he putting that pressure on you or is that you telling yourself a story? I feel like it's, it's me who, you know, he hasn't brought this up at all. We've discussed it a couple of times and he gets really defensive. You know, where would you be without me in that kind of deal?
Yeah. So that sounds like he's pressuring you. Yeah. It's predatory.
You're not paying off this debt. Here's where you would be. Not, not there. Yeah.
Ta-da. I, I hate that crap that. Hey, I did something nice for you. Son of mine.
So now you owe me and owe means. I'm going to spend recklessly. How about this way? If he wants to get on a budget and get a job and talk finances together.
All right. Cool. I'll play ball. But nobody who says that kind of crap to their kids ever does that.
People who talk to their kids like that, they want to spend what they want to spin. They want to lay around. They want to, like, oh, are you? You know what I'm saying?
Well, he's in poor health and he can't work. And I've asked him, right? He could sell off some of the things that he has and it's one of those. Yeah, I'll do it, but it hasn't happened.
That's, there you go. There you go. So, okay. So we can't work.
He's in poor health and you're honoring your dad. And he can't go get a job. Cool. But yes, then the next logical thing is we have a math problem that we have to solve together because we're both in this together.
And so what he wants is he wants you to, he wants to not have to participate at all, not get rid of some of his, um, blankies that makes him feel warm and fuzzy, not get rid of some of his toys or whatever you got out there. And but he wants you to come up with that extra money, that extra support and that extra fill in the blank. Pretty much. Are you also his retirement plan?
I mean, beyond the 13,000, how is this guy going to survive the next 10 years if he can't make his payments? That's the thing is this problem is bigger than you and he's trying to put it on you. Because if you, you're the reason for it, as if if this debt was out of his life, his life would be perfect and it sounds like you don't have it together financially. Where are you at?
Because you're saying, I really can't afford to do this. I, I've just barely started to get my financial situation corrected. Um, I had student loan debt for a long time. And by the grace of God, it was, there was some kind of class action lawsuit.
My loans were canceled. I got, what's left, um, I opened up a credit card last year and I paid it off before the interest charges hit. So I have no credit card debt. Do you have any debt whatsoever?
No. Do you have any savings? Yeah. Um, I, um, I completed baby step one with my $1,000, uh, emergency fund and like, I'm kind of feel like I'm in a holding pattern on those steps too because of the debt situation with my stepdad is me just discussed, but, um, I'm beginning baby step three and trying to build up that big emergency fund.
Are you living with him? Yeah. Yeah. We have a two, a two bedroom house.
I sleep in the garage because he's got a bedroom and my daughter has a bedroom and that's kind of taking a toll on our relationship. Is it a finished garage or is it, are you just straight up sleeping in a garage? It's a garage with like a little room in it. So I, I don't know what it was utilized for before we moved in here.
It's a rental. What's your long-term plan? Do you make enough to move out on your own? For you and your kid?
Um, I make $50,000 a year and in California that doesn't go real far, but I've done the math and I do believe Nick here I'll be able to move out on my own. And that's what I'd like to do is move out with my kid. How's he gonna handle it? It doesn't, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter how he's gonna handle it. At some point you're gonna have to cut that tie because he's gonna, he's gonna drag underwater. Hang in rent. I'm paying two thirds of the rent.
That sounds like a lot for a guy sleeping in a garage. I agree. That's what I'm saying. He's, he's gonna have to understand that he's got to figure this his finances out because you're not going to be there long term.
And here's the deal. There's not an easy way to have this conversation brother. It's gonna have to be a direct, probably in writing. As of this date, I'm gonna move up.
And if that $13,000 on that credit card is because you were struggling with addiction or you got, you were homeless or you went crazy spending it, then I'm gonna tell you I think you should pay it back. If that $13,000 on that credit card is just your, your stepdad just kind of out in the wind spending money, then that's not your obligation to pay for. And no amount of guilt tripping is gonna make that bill yours, only you know what that bill is. Yeah.
Look at it a couple of times a month. Yeah. I imagine you do. And maybe you're able to say, all right, you know what?
I'm gonna, I'm gonna work an extra job. I'm gonna pay this stupid bill off. And then I'm gonna move out. Yeah.
Next step. I'm working on right now. I'm, I'm educating myself into being able to build a small personal, a small business on the side of the side. You don't need to be doing that right now.
You do not need to be building businesses brother. That is how people take one step out of this, the hell hole you found yourself in and fall right back in it. You get two jobs that have health insurance that you can clock in and out of that give you some boundaries and some practice on your life. Okay.
Don't start, I'm gonna get in the gig and the side, man, that's too much for you right now. We gotta draw some boundaries with dad first. One step at a time. The best ID theft protection is from Zander.
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