I Was 5. With a Knife. And I Had a Choice.

I was 5 years old, holding a kitchen knife, doing math.If I kill him first, does the pain stop?My mother was in the hospital—skull cracked open, recovering. Bill Miller was wanted for arson, attempted murder and sexual assault. He was living with us. So I calculated. Cold. Precise. The way a kindergartener shouldn't be capable of calculating.I didn't do it.But the fact that I could tells you everything about what was coming.72% of boys who experience this don't make it to 25.I'm 61.Content warnings: This podcast contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, addiction, violence, death, and trauma. But it also full of profound love, transformation, and hope. Listener discretion advised.