Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. So I have a kind of indirect financial question. If you will, not necessarily about my finances, but a conversation I would like to have about finances in my family.
Okay. So just a little bit about my situation. I am 22 years old. I'll be turning 23 on Sunday this upcoming week.
Oh, happy early birthday. Thank you. From 2021 to 2024 is when I secured all of my debt to around $30,000. Okay.
And so my question is, I would like to, I've been taking care of it since September of last year to now, which originally was $37,000. But since then, I've taken care of about $7,000 to $8,000. Good for you. That's great.
Thank you. My concern, though, is that while I secured this debt, neither of my parents know anything about it or about my financial situation. Do they support you financially in any way? So yes and no.
My father, he doesn't live with us, but he is supportive of us. If I were to need some financial situation or some financial help, he would. And I live with my mother and my grandmother. But considering how much I make, I make enough where I think I'm okay enough without asking for help.
Yes. What caused you to go into the debt if you were in this, or were you not in this living situation before? Either way, what caused you to go into the debt? Before, if you were to ask me that question, I would have made a lot of excuses, but I've worked on it enough and made enough accountability to say myself.
Come 2021, I had kind of moved out from my mother's house and lived with my ex. And so it was through some immature purchases on my end. And then I had set up a joint account for the both of us. And so he was taking out most of the money between how much we were both earning.
And I was more so the breadwinner compared to what he was making. And I was okay with it. I would have just liked a heads up because I was working about maybe 60 plus hours a week. So he was using your money plus going into debt under your name?
Yeah. I was really stupid. No, we all make mistakes. I was just trying to, more of a clarifying question, making sure I understood the situation.
Okay, so my next question is, why do your parents need to know? Well, the reason why is because my mom and I have been talking a lot more. And one of my biggest goals for this year is to be more open and honest with the people in my life, my loved ones, my parents. And I want more instead of like a child-mother relationship, since I am getting older, I want more of an adult relationship with my mom.
The other two really big concerns are, since I work these two jobs, my mom has been open about like what she sees in me and how they're both physical labor jobs. And so she says how exhausted I look and how tired I look. And the other part is our grandmother was with us, but she had Alzheimer's. And so on top of working two jobs, I try to help my mom as much as I can with my grandmother.
So are you saying that they're wondering, are you saying that you kind of want to give them some context as to why you're working so hard at the jobs you're doing? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. The other big thing was with everything going on politically, my mom has made it quite known to me how concerned she is about me and my family's well-being.
And she has said consistently on numerous occasions, if things were to go from push to shove, she would like for us to leave the country. Okay. And so with her bringing that up, continuously having some experiences already. Are you guys from, do you have a non-US background?
Is that what you're saying? Are you concerned about immigration? Is that what you're saying? No.
When you say force leave the country? American-American. Okay. Oh, I hear you.
Okay. Enough said. Here's what I'm thinking. Here's what I'm thinking.
I get what you were saying earlier. You're talking about a lot of different things. So let's talk about first the financial side of things. A, if you want to give somebody context without giving them a ton of details, that's fine.
You can say, listen, I've got some debt I'm trying to pay off. That's why I'm working so hard. If you don't want to tell them the whole $30,000, hold on. Do you want some more?
Oh, I've got one. Sorry, guys. I'll take over for a second. Thank you.
Give me a wave, Jade, because she's got some good stuff to say. Yeah. So echoing on what she's saying is that you can have a deep relationship with someone and be able to share what you're going through with the struggle of like, oh yeah, I do have some debt I'm trying to pay off. That's why I'm putting in these hours.
And this is the why behind it. And I do agree, you don't need to walk alone when it comes to your money. You're 22 years old, and so you get to make some decisions and decide for yourself, hey, here's the reality of my life too. Just because my mom goes one way, I don't have to go that way either.
Unless you do think that, right? And you may have context in that, which is totally fine. But I do think you are your own standing person at 22. Your parents don't need to know these things, but I understand opening up and wanting them into what's going on with your life I think is great.
And if you want to tell them the number, tell them the number. We always say, that is not a sin. It's not a salvation issue. It's not a big moral failure.
Yeah, you make some mistakes. You look back. I was stupid with my ex. Why did I do that?
But listen, we all make mistakes. Like, things happen in life, Michaela. So you're 22. Do not beat yourself up about it.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I just said it while I was in a coughing fit, and she covered it. I don't know. I don't think I'm a lot better.
More to some more to add. That was it. She covered it. That's exactly it.
I won't repeat it, but I think, Michaela, you know what you have to do. And just listen, above all, don't be influenced by somebody else's fears. Like, if they have fears and concerns, they're able to have those. Everybody gets out the emotional train that they want to have.
And if you feel the same way, fine, but don't let it, if you don't, don't let that fear kind of lock you into something you should or shouldn't be doing with your money. Okay. I, um, thank you. Thank you, Julie.
I, um, I'm sorry. I'm really trying not to cry. That's all right. What is it?
What is making you want to cry? I don't think I'm going to cry. That's okay. My mom and my dad are really good people in my life, and I really, really look up to them.
We're not, we're not super rich, but I get my really hard work ethic from them. And so they told me what I know about. I guess it's because I don't really look up. I see.
You feel guilty. No, what you're talking about is so real. Like the guilt that we feel over previous mistakes that we've made with our money, the guilt that we feel having not met expectations that we feel were put on us or that we put on ourselves. What you're talking about, Michaela, is such a real thing.
And a lot of times when we think about getting our money under control, we kind of think it's just this light switch that we flip. All right, I'm getting on a plan. That's it. And I just do it.
And I feel nothing until it's over. And that is simply not true. You go through a wide range of emotions. And guilt and shame is one of them.
But I want to tell you, Michaela, you may have made mistakes with your money, but you are not a mistake. Okay, you are not a problem. You are not a burden. It was just something you went and you went through it.
And let those emotions go through you, okay? It's when you get stuck in them that they become a problem. Yes, yeah. It does not define who you are.
Your past mistakes don't define who you are, Michaela. So know that. There's free a minute and opportunity ahead. Create your free every dollar budget today.
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