Brought to you by CHM, a biblically-based alternative to health insurance. Learn more at chministries.org slash budget. Well, first I want to give a shout out. I started with Dave's program many years ago.
I'm 67 now, and by the time I was 55, I could retire. Now I'm doing the things I love and volunteering. Well done, Dan. Congratulations.
I'm trying to spread the word, you know. But, so, I'm working on brevity here. So there's four of us kids. I'm the oldest at 68.
The youngest is 60, 61. And number two is my sister, and she's the trustee of the estate. And so my mother is 95. And when she passes, we all receive between a half a million and 750,000.
Wow. So, yeah, you know, life-changing money. You know, my wife and I are both debt-free. I mean, literally no debt.
They would laugh if you heard that my truck has 300,000 miles on it. You need a new truck, Dan. I'm telling you, go get a new truck, Dan. Thanks, guys.
I'm kind of in love with this thing. So, the problem is, the two youngest ones have asked my mother for money before over the years. Both a little bit over 100,000. And one of them, number three, has a $900 car payment, $2,400 a month apartment payment, about $160,000 in credit card debt.
And even though she makes six figures, cannot, you know, emotionally control her spending. The youngest one, we inherited about 100 grand from my father some 10 years ago. And I said, if you blow this money, I'll punch you in the nose. And six months later, he had a quad and a snowmobile and didn't pay off his house, you know, bankrupt.
Did you hit him? No, no, no. I'm trying to spread the word, you know. But, so, I'm working on brevity here.
So, there's four of us kids. I'm the oldest at 68. The youngest is 60, 61. And number two is my sister, and she's the trustee of the estate.
And so, my mother is 95. And when she passes, we all receive between a half a million and 750,000. Wow. So, yeah, you know, life-changing money.
You know, my wife and I are both debt-free. I mean, literally no debt. They would laugh if you heard that my truck has 300,000 miles on it. You need a new truck, Dan.
You would. You need a new truck, Dan. I'm telling you, go get a new truck, Dan. Thanks, guys.
I'm kind of in love with this thing. So, the problem is, the two youngest ones have asked my mother for money before over the years. Both a little bit over 100,000. And one of them, number three, has a $900 car payment, $2,400 a month apartment payment, about 160,000 in credit card debt.
And even though she makes six figures, cannot, you know, emotionally control her spending. The youngest one, we inherited about 100 grand from my father some 10 years ago. And I said, if you blow this money, I'll punch you in the nose. And six months later, he had a quad and a snowmobile and didn't pay off his house, you know, bankrupt.
Did you hit him? No, no, no. I'm trying to spread the word, you know. But, so, yeah, I'm working on brevity here.
So, there's four of us kids. I'm the oldest at 68. The youngest is 60, 61. And number two is my sister, and she's the trustee of the estate.
And so, my mother is 95. And when she passes, we all receive between a half a million and 750,000. Wow. So, yeah.
You know, life-changing money. You know, my wife and I are both debt-free. I mean, literally no debt. They would laugh if you heard that my truck has 300,000 miles on it.
You need a new truck, Dan. You would. You need a new truck, Dan. I'm telling you, go get a new truck, Dan.
Thanks, guys. I'm kind of in love with this thing. But, so, the problem is, the two youngest ones have asked my mother for money before over the years. Both a little bit over 100,000.
And one of them, number three, has a $900 car payment, $2,400 a month apartment payment, about 160,000 in credit card debt. And even though she makes six figures, cannot, you know, emotionally control her spending. The youngest one, we inherited about 100 grand from my father some 10 years ago. And I said, if you blow this money, I'll punch you in the nose.
And six months later, he had a quad and a snowmobile and didn't pay off his house, you know, bankrupt. Did you hit him? No, no, no. The problem is, I'm not so worried about it.
I've been working since I was 13, and my sister's a hard worker, too. But the problem is, she's worried they're going to come to the door, you know, when they're 70 or 80, begging for money. You have money, I have no money. And we're trying to figure out how to handle the coming, basically, tsunami of what they're going to bring to the table.
Now, the trust comes in two parts. The one trust, everybody gets an equal share right away. And then the second trust, my sister and I both get our share. But those two, my mother broke it up so that it's like five years apart, something like that.
But if you have any advice for how to handle people who blow through money, have no control. I got my brother on Dave's program. He was good for a year and then fell off the wagon. Hey, Dan, here's the hard thing.
I'll answer it, but here's the hard thing. Okay. Yes, sir. The answer to this question has nothing to do with them.
Okay. You know, I told my sister that. I said, I have no problem, you know, in my heart, knowing that I, over the years, over 20, 30 years, well, going on 40 now, I have ministered. I have given material.
I've done everything I can. But here's the thing. It was never about you. Right.
They're struggling. And so it sounds like what, especially your sister, but I'm sure deep down you're dealing with it too, is you're frustrated at the future guilt that may come your way. Right. Yep.
You're nailing it on the head. But here's what's hard. If you live like that right now, what you're doing is you're not mitigating the guilt in the future. You're just spoiling today.
Yes, you're absolutely right. And so I'm going to choose for peace and joy and warmth and laughter in the right now. And I'm going to be very clear about my boundaries moving forward. Right.
And so the harder conversation will be sitting down with your brother and sister, who are adults who could have never, like, they could care less what you have to teach them. They think, like, I'm sure when they get coffee together, they're talking about you and your sister. All it is is work and whatever. Is saying, hey, here's the distribution.
Don't come for up to us. Right. Or you and your wife sit down. And you're saying just saying it out loud when you guys all have the...
Yes, I heard Becky Kennedy say this, or Dr. Kennedy say this, and I loved it. She said a boundary is something that requires nothing from anyone else other than you. Wow, that is awesome.
So you're going to set this boundary. We're all going to be clear. There's no more money after this. And if you, as a loving brother, want to say I'll hook you up with the Ramsey solutions, I'll hook you up with the plan that set me and my wife free.
Y'all want that? Great. I'm not going to preach to you. I need everybody to be on record that y'all are getting a check for $750,000.
Y'all are going to have to learn to manage it just because when you're 80, you can't come knocking on my door. Here's the other side of that. You and your wife might sit down and say, when that day comes, are we really going to leave our brother on the street? And if not, then say, okay, then we'll start a small fund.
Like, y'all get to decide what you do with that moving forward. But what y'all are doing, you and your sister are doing, is you're living every minute frustrated by things that other grown adults are choosing to not do. And that haven't really happened yet either. And haven't even happened.
Exactly. You're 100% correct. Brene Brown calls it dress rehearsing tragedy. I love that.
So you're already having imaginary conversations that you at 82 are going to have with an 80-year-old little brother. Don't do that. You're just blowing your, like, you should be laughing, especially when you're truck shopping, because, God, get a new truck, dude. But, and I'm playing with you, my truck has 200,000 miles on it.
I'm with you. I'm with you. But do you get what I'm saying? Oh, yeah.
And you know, I've actually had this conversation with my sister. And my wife and I are in a new marriage. And some people didn't like the idea that we got