Loved or Tolerated

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever felt that those around you are only tolerating you but don’t really love or celebrate you? Do your loved ones or biblical community feel loved by you or simply tolerated by you? Love, acceptance, and tolerance are words that get thrown around and used in a variety of contexts. So today we want to talk about how we can each show someone in our family or biblical community that we love them as God has called us.Matthew 22:39, John 13:34, John 15:12, John 15:17, and Romans 13:8-10 are but five of the many “love one another” verses in the Bible. To be loved is to be accepted and to be invited in. Someone who is simply tolerated is “just there.” The tolerated person is neither good nor bad but also rarely sought. To be simply tolerated indicates a lack of emotional attachment. Someone who is loved is welcomed and sought after. As Christ followers, we need to seek ways to show love. If you find yourself simply tolerating someone else, here are five suggestions to help you move from simple tolerance to love:First, be there when your loved one or friend needs you. It might interrupt your plans sometimes. Someone who is simply tolerated will see that you aren’t there when they need you. Remember Romans 12:13, “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”Which leads to the second suggestion, take time to be aware of what someone’s needs actually are. For example, someone who is grieving may need help getting their house clean, or they may want you to stay and chat when you bring a meal. Or, they may be struggling with all the people who have been surrounding them and need some time alone. Ask them what they need, and be sincere with your question. Just as Paul encourages us in Romans 15:1-2, “Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.”Third, take an active interest in their life. Don’t just ask how someone is and then quickly move to get to the next task at home or the next person you really want to speak to at church. Realize that each person in front of you is a divine appointment, and you have the chance to extend God’s love through active listening. We all have things going on in our lives, but take to heart Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”Take the time to intentionally include those around you. Family members, church members, and friends who feel simply tolerated will feel left out, underappreciated, or like they are not part of the team. Hebrews 10:24-25 comes to mind here, “And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” It will take time to be intentional about including others you might not initially think about, but the good thing about the age of technology is that you can use it to your advantage. For example, scheduling texts to go out at another time if you are thinking of someone at an odd hour or during your planning time for the event itself.And our final suggestion: if critical thoughts arise, take them captive. Choose to pray briefly and ask God to show you the other person’s perspective. This can be especially hard, but if you have been simply tolerating someone, it is very likely you view something about the person as unfavorable in some way. In Colossians 3:13 we are told to bear with one another. God knows our human hearts and inclinations. If He tells us to bear with one another, we need to work harder to do so because bearing with one another God’s way is not simply tolerating, it requires love as well.Ephesians 4:2 encapsulates that concept best when it says, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, show tolerance for one another in love.” Tolerance in love. If we choose to extend grace and to celebrate with someone when we would have normally simply tolerated them, we show the love of Christ and deepen our own relationship with the other person.If you yourself feel that you are being simply tolerated, look first to make sure you are showing love and not only toleration yourself. Pray and ask God if you need to address this issue to move forward in your relationship or friendship. Then, open the lines of communication and share how you are feeling. Also, be prepared to be specific about the ways that you do not feel loved in this situation. Your family member, church member, or friend is not a mind reader. Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!