Misguided: The Soundtrack To My Life

Soundtrack To My Life – Chapter Three – He’s Leaving HomeMusic featured in this chapter:Woodstock – Joni MitchellWoodstock - Crosby, Stills, Nash & YoungBig Yellow Taxi – Joni MitchellEve Of Destruction - Barry McGuireGetting Better - The BeatlesShe’s Leaving Home – The BeatlesCan’t Buy Me Love – The BeatlesBrother Sun, Sister Moon – DonovanFreedom - Richie HavensThe title of Chapter 3 in my memoir is an obvious reference to a Beatles song. The chapter opens with these paragraphs:The Beatles song, “She’s Leaving Home”, in their 1967 album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, depicts the moment a teen runs away from home. Paul McCartney said the song was inspired by a newspaper report about a missing 17-year-old runaway, noting there were many at the time. In North America that year, the Summer of Love influenced tens of thousands of young people to leave home. Three years later, Joni Mitchell’s Edenic call to “get ourselves back to the garden” in her counterculture anthem, “Woodstock”, expressed the essence of the era, as idealistic drop-outs from an alienating politico-economic system dreamed of creating a peaceful, egalitarian society.From 1967 to 1971, an estimated 500,000 young American drop-outs experimented with alternative lifestyles and communities. In her book, Runaways: How the Sixties Counterculture Shaped Today’s Practices and Policies, Karen M. Staller explains the impact of the counterculture on the phenomenon of young people running away from home. She describes the surge of teenage runaways sparked by the Summer of Love as a crisis that continued for several years, ...I should’ve added how highly relevant the lyrics “I came upon a child of God”, “get my soul free” and the reference to the garden of Eden were to my personal story.Woodstock – Joni MitchellI came upon a child of God He was walking along the road And I asked him, “Where are you going?” And this he told me I’m going on down to Yasgur’s Farm I’m gonna join in a rock and roll band I’m gonna camp out on the land I’m gonna try and get my soul free We are stardust We are golden And we got to get ourselves Back to the gardenJoni Mitchell’s “Woodstock” was covered by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. This rockin’ version has clips from the movie, which I watched twice as a teen.I also refer to another Joni Mitchell song:“In 1970, activists in Vancouver trying to prevent that third test created Greenpeace and held a benefit concert there headlined by Joni Mitchell to raise funds for a protest ship to sail to the testing ground. Her hit song that year about deforestation and pesticides, “Big Yellow Taxi”, was part of my environmental awakening ...”Big Yellow Taxi – Joni MitchellThey paved paradise and put up a parking lot With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin’ hot spot Don’t it always seem to go That you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone? They paved paradise, put up a parking lotI wrote:Humanity was facing the existential threats of nuclear war and environmental destruction, while men were landing on the moon, and the Beatles sang it’s “Getting Better” and “All You Need Is Love”. I didn’t know if I should be hopeful or fearful, which added to my adolescent angst. Not only was my childhood ending, it seemed the world’s end could be near too.I then provide a quotation, which I’ve excerpted here:In 1965 a song lamenting that we were on the “Eve of Destruction” became the first song on a political issue to become a number-one popular tune in the United States; the nineteen-year-old writer explained that he felt war like “a cloud hanging over me all the time.” ... By the 1960s, observers from Teller to Dr. Benjamin Spock of SANE were reporting talks with young people who said it was pointless to save up money or study when the world might end tomorrow. In 1982 a psychiatrist, summarizing decades of studies, said that the nuclear problem had left many young with a “sense of powerlessness and cynical resignation.”Eve Of Destruction - Barry McGuire. All the lyrics in this song are highly relevant to the current state of the world. https://genius.com/Barry-mcguire-eve-of-destruction-lyrics My story comes full circle in the Epilogue of my memoir, where I describe the similarities between the existential threats of war and environmental destruction in the 1960s, and the rise of new cults, to the current existential threats to the environment, world peace and humane civilization, and a new wave of thousands of cults, all of which are worsened by the digital world of disinformation and Artificial Intelligence.But you tell me over and over and over again, my friend Ah, you don’t believe we’re on the eve of destruction Don’t you understand what I’m tryin’ to say? And can’t you feel the fears I’m feelin’ today? If the button is pushed, there’s no runnin’ away There’ll be no one to save with the world in a grave Take a look around you, boy, it’s bound to scare you, boyGetting Better - The Beatles. This is the 4th song from the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album that I’ve cited so far in these 1st three chapters. I dropped out of high school to “join” the cult.I used to get mad at my school The teachers who taught me weren’t cool You’re holding me down, turning me ‘round Filling me up with your rulesI also wrote:Like the runaway teen in that Beatles song, I was living alone though living at home, increasingly alienated from my family, friends and community, wondering who I was, what I would do, where I fit in the world.She’s Leaving Home – The Beatles This is the 5th song from the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album that I’ve cited so far in these 1st three chapters. It obviously had a huge influence on me.She (We gave her most of our lives) Is leaving (Sacrificed most of our lives) Home (We gave her everything money could buy) She’s leaving home after living alone (Bye-bye) For so many yearsI don’t reference the following song in my book, but it does represent my lack of interest in money and material things, and how those didn’t motivate me in my search for a meaningful life.Can’t Buy Me Love – The BeatlesI’ll give you all I’ve got to give If you say you love me, too I may not have a lot to give But what I got, I’ll give to you I don’t care too much for money Money can’t buy me loveIn this chapter I also describe the interaction between my Catholic indoctrination by Franciscan priests and my indoctrination into the Children of God cult. My parents, worried about my recent involvement with that group of strangers, asked me to talk to a priest, even though I had stopped attending church a couple years earlier. I went willingly, but it wasn’t the result my parents hoped for.… Certain similarities between the Franciscan Order and the Children of God must’ve been obvious to Father Mark. He would’ve understood their literal obedience to Jesus’ command to give up everything to preach the gospel, and he lived a similar communal life, sharing everything in common with his brethren. He also seemed sympathetic to their criticism of churches in general, and admitted to me that he took issue with some aspects of the Catholic Church, but he hoped to help reform it from within.It seemed to me that Father Mark was more inspired by my description of the Children of God than he was concerned about my involvement with them. Instead of discouraging me, my talk with him pushed me closer to the group. The only advice he gave me was to not make any sudden decisions that would upset my parents, but I ignored him and did exactly that. Ironically, it was this follower of Saint Francis, not a San Francisco flower child, who influenced my decision to drop out of society.In an endnote for chapter 3, I wrote: “A year after I joined the Children of God, their founder, David Berg, compared his group to the Catholic Franciscan Order in his review of Franco Zeffirelli’s 1972 film, Brother Sun, Sister Moon, based on the life of St. Francis.” Scottish singer-songwriter Donovan sang all the songs on the soundtrack.Brother Sun, Sister Moon – DonovanBrother Sun, Sister Moon Brother Sun and Sister Moon I seldom see you seldom hear your tune Preoccupied with selfish misery Brother Wind and Sister Air Open my eyes to visions pure and fair That I may see the glory around me I am God’s creature, of Him I am part I feel His love awakening my heart Brother Sun and Sister Moon I now do see you, I can hear your tune So much in love with all that I surveyAt the end of this chapter, I write about the moment I left home:“The only other possessions I planned to take were my transistor radio and bongo drum. Both were Christmas presents from my parents.Throughout my childhood I dreamed of playing the drums, and did play a rented snare drum in the junior high school band, but after seeing a conga drummer play with Richie Havens in the Woodstock film, I begged my parents for one. A conga was too expensive, but I was happy with the bongo.”Within weeks of “joining” the cult, the leaders took my bongo and sent it to another commune where musicians were creating cult music.“Freedom” by Richie Havens at Woodstock 1969.Sometime I feel like I’m almost gone A long way from my home This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit perrybulwer344598.substack.com