Misguided: The Soundtrack To My Life

Chapter 15 – Mr. Big in JapanMusic featured in this chapter:Mr. Brightside – The KillersI Don’t Want to Know – Fleetwood MacBig in Japan – Tom WaitsDivorce Separation Blues – The Avett BrothersThis chapter of my memoir starts with my return to Japan in 1996 after fleeing Beijing, China one step ahead of the authorities. Shortly after, Rachelle and I were recruited to serve the top regional leaders in their office home in Kamakura, just south of Yokohama. The first part of this chapter describes our time serving those leaders until they forced Rachelle and I to separate because of my jealousy, which was a major sin in the cult..... a Family VIP visited the office. Mordecai Printer, or Inky as Berg called him in various letters, helped establish the Family’s publishing operations around the world. As an important Family dignitary, members owed him the same deference we gave leaders. So when Maggie told Rachelle that Mordecai wanted to ‘share’ with her, even though there were two single women in the home, we had to unquestioningly accept it as God’s will.Whether or not Rachelle was willing, she had to submit or risk being labelled a disobedient “girl who wouldn’t”, like Maggie’s reluctant former assistant. We were under extreme peer pressure to conform and spiritually coerced to obey leaders in that totalitarian environment. Considering the power imbalance, Rachelle couldn’t have freely given her consent, and I certainly felt forced to accept their liaison even though I thought it was unnecessary.Living closely with those top leaders, I was beginning to more clearly recognize their double-standards. They had more luxuries and freedoms, lived by their own rules, and did things regular members would be reprimanded for. I had to accept that and keep my mouth shut, but it wasn’t easy suppressing my doubts and jealousy when I had to sleep under the dining room table like an obedient dog, while Mordecai was having sex with my wife in our bed.I was tormented further when Mordecai and Ezra later came into the kitchen and began a long, loud conversation, thoughtlessly uncaring that they were disturbing my sleep. Ezra had helped Faithy kick me out of the Expo home for exactly the same reason. I was furious at his cruel hypocrisy. My blood boiled as I barely contained my anger, but I didn’t dare criticism him.At least I was aware of that situation. I became even more agitated when I learned that Rachelle was having an affair with Pete without my knowledge or consent. Sweetie shocked me one day when she asked me if I was aware that her husband had been having sex with Rachelle. Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t know about their affair. I was deeply disturbed by their deception, especially when I realized how manipulative their most recent tryst had been.The evening before, Pete told me he wasn’t feeling well and asked me to take his place on the courier trip to the translation home. When I returned a couple hours later I had sex with Rachelle, completely oblivious that she had just had sex with Pete behind my back. When Sweetie revealed the affair to me, I realized Pete had manipulated me. He wasn’t ill, he was lustfully lovesick for Rachelle. Learning he lied to me and she betrayed me made me sick at heart.Later that day, I pulled Rachelle aside to the nook under the staircase and confronted her over their deliberate deceptions. Though I didn’t shout or strike her, I could barely contain my anger. I was deeply hurt and heartbroken, so I pushed her away in a reflexive gesture of rejection when she tried to tearfully hug me. I don’t know if others heard me angrily vent my jealousy, or if Rachelle told Sweetie about my reaction.All four leaders were away at the time, but they sent me a message accusing me of being “out of the spirit” and distracting them from their important work. They said Rachelle and I needed to be separated. They considered her more yielded and useful to them, so deemed me the guilty party and ordered me to move to a regular home. Afterwards, in a small storage room, I broke down and sobbed. It’s the only time I’ve cried aloud as an adult.Although I had sinfully yielded to jealousy and anger, I thought the leaders unjustly singled me out for condemnation and punishment when Rachelle and Pete were also guilty. I believed they had violated Berg’s initial rules governing sexual relationships, and the leaders’ response to the situation was contrary to the guidelines first set down in the letter, “The Law of Love”. Distressed by their cruel double-standard, I decided to write a complaint letter to Karen Zerby (Maria), Berg’s co-leader.Berg’s initial explanation of that foundational doctrine included conditions attached to the new sexual freedoms. Their affair wasn’t unselfish or sacrificial love, so in my opinion the leaders also broke that law by excusing the lustful couple while condemning my reaction. I said so in my letter to Zerby, which included the following quotations from “The Law of Love” to support my complaint:Any variation from the norm of personal relationships, any substantial change in marital relationships, any projected sexual associations should have the willing consent of all parties concerned or affected, including the approval of leadership and permission of the Body. If this is lacking in any quarter and anyone is going to be harmed or unduly offended, then your action is not in love nor according to God’s law of love! ... Are you doing it because you want to unselfishly and sacrificially help someone else who really needs it, and by which you can show them God’s Love, or are you doing it selfishly and unlawfully, not in love for others and God, but merely “to consume it upon your own lusts”?iCriticizing leaders was taboo, and I had been punished for far less, so writing the letter was risky, but Zerby never responded directly to my letter.Mr. Brightside – The KillersIt started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss Now they're goin' to bed and my stomach is sick And it's all in my head, but she's touching his Chest now He takes off her dress now Let me go And I just can't look, it's killing me And taking control Jealousy Turning saints into the sea Swimming through sick lullabies Choking on your alibis But it's just the price I pay Destiny is calling meThe second half of this chapter describes the time David Berg, Karen Zerby and their staff showed up at the cult’s Heavenly City School compound in Japan where Rachelle and I had been reunited several months after our forced separation. That compound served several purposes. It was a ‘school’ to continue the indoctrination of children and teens. Conferences and meetings were held there, and it was also a temporary refuge for members who fled persecution in the Philippines. It also had audio and video recording studios, with the cult’s best musicians from around the world there to produce audio and video cassettes for sale. Among them was Jeremy Spencer, who had dropped out of Fleetwood Mac in 1971 when on tour in Los Angeles to join the Children of God.I Don’t Want to Know – Fleetwood MacI don't want to know the reasons why love keeps Right on walkin' on down the line I don't want to stand between you and love, honey I just want you to feel fine I don't want to know the reasons why love keeps Right on walkin' on down the line I don't want to stand between you and love, honey I just want you to feel fine Finally, baby The truth has come down, now Take a listen to your spirit It's cryin' out loud Trying to believeDavid Berg’s arrival at the Heavenly City School compound was quite a shocking development for us regular members. Berg had lived in hiding for decades, even from his own followers...... Then one day in February 1988, I saw the end-time prophet in person.Mid-morning that day everyone in the compound was called to gather in the dining hall, which was unusual. Curiously, all the curtains were closed, so clearly something important was up. A stranger with an air of authority came into the hall and started speaking about the importance of staying security conscious. He told us we would start to see numerous unfamiliar faces around the compound and warned us not to speculate or gossip among ourselves, or talk to anyone we didn’t know unless they talked to us first.I was sitting beside one of the windows and noticed the silhouettes of two people in the parking lot. Curious, I peeked through a crack in the curtains and saw the profile of a bearded man wearing a cloak walking arm in arm with a woman. They were headed up the hill behind the compound to a small pyramid shaped building Mrs. Narita built as a prayer room after reading Berg’s letter about the supposed supernatural powers of pyramids.ii I suddenly realized that the mysterious couple was Berg and Zerby, and the stranger speaking was their right-hand man, Steven Kelly,iii known to us as Peter Amsterdam.This was both a thrilling and terrifying turn of events. Although it was exciting to be at the centre of the action, I was spiritually intimidated by the prophet’s presence. Berg’s end-time predictions motivated me, but his dictatorial, capricious nature frightened me. His letters contain many examples of how, in a fit of self-righteous indignation, he lashed out at those around him with wrathful verbal abuse and punishments for minor matters.iv He published those accounts as warnings to toe the line, or else, so I was treading carefully after Peter’s lecture.A few days later, as I was about to enter the front door of the main building, I heard someone call out “good morning son” from the window on the upper floor of the white house directly across the street. Immediately recognizing Berg’s voice from audio recordings, I froze, afraid to turn and face him. Was he talking to me, or to Silas who was doing some landscaping nearby? Relieved when I heard Silas answer him, I entered the building without turning around and replying to Berg.Considering how things turned out, Berg may have seen my failure to face him and respond as a disrespectful insult, and formed a low opinion of me from that first impression. If Berg did feel slighted by that I’m sure he would’ve held a grudge against me, even more so if he learned I was the one who had challenged authority by criticizing Maggie and her co-leaders in my complaint letter to Zerby about the Law Of Love.The Children of God/The Family cult was very big in Japan for several decades, with dozens of communes around the country, and hundreds of Japanese members and their children. Disappointingly, through research I’ve done and communications with academics in this field, I’ve discovered that there are no academic studies of this cult in Japanese. One Canadian professor I communicated with told me he searched for information on that cult in Japanese and all he could find was a couple paragraphs about the Children of God in a general study of religious groups in Japan. It’s almost as if the cult and hundreds of Japanese members and their children never existed. There is no cultural or academic memory of that cult and its infamous leader, David Berg, being in Japan. The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines the informal noun Mr. Big as “a very powerful or important man, especially the leader of a group of criminals”.Big in Japan – Tom WaitsI got the style, but not the grace I got the clothes, but not the face I got the bread, but not the butter I got the window, but not the shutter But hey, I'm big in Japan I'm big in Japan I got the moon, I got the cheese I got the whole damn nation on their knees I'm big in JapanBy the way, regarding those lyrics about the moon and cheese, stayed tuned for chapter 17 in this series titled Heavenly Lunacy, all about Berg’s insane beliefs about the moon.My reunion with Rachelle was short lived. She was recruited to join Berg’s staff as a childcare helper, but for her to do so, we were required to get a divorce. We had legally married in Hong Kong, obeying Berg’s suggestion for couples in our situation. Now Berg was forcing us to divorce. We got a legal divorce through the Tokyo Family Court, after which I was exiled to prevent me stirring up trouble before Rachelle disappeared with Berg’s inner circle.Returning from town one evening, I saw Rachelle with a top leader I knew as Garyv strolling on the street between the main building and the white house. I had never spoken to him, but knew he was in Berg and Zerby’s trusted inner circle, so I immediately suspected something significant was up. They both looked at me as I drove past to the parking lot. The timing and location could’ve been coincidental, or perhaps Gary intentionally planned it so I would see them.After awhile Rachelle came to our bedroom and told me she was asked to serve on Berg’s support staff. Her voice quivered as she explained we would have to get a legal divorce first before they allowed her to join them. That was an emotional gut punch, and felt like another betrayal approved by leaders. I didn’t dare express my resentment like I did when I learned of her secret affair. I suppressed my feelings and accepted the inevitable.It shouldn’t have surprised me that they only recruited Rachelle. She was more obedient and submissively servile, while my disposition made me a less desirable servant. I was more likely to occasionally question, criticize, and express minor disagreements instead of keeping my thoughts to myself. After Berg arrived at the HCS, top leaders reprimanded me more than once for trivial things, including expressing my opinion, which they considered talking back and challenging authority.I shouldn’t have been surprised about a forced divorce, either. Most top leaders, and staff members in Berg’s inner circle, were purposely separated from their spouses, ensuring they had no divided loyalties. We didn’t really have a free choice about it. We risked the wrath of God if we refused a request from his prophet. There was no point objecting, so I made it easy for her and bluntly said I agreed to the divorce. Broken-hearted, my emotional connection to her finally broke in that moment.The leaders wasted no time getting me out of the picture. It would take a few months to get the divorce, so to avoid any awkward tension or disharmony between Rachelle and I while we waited, they sent me away a couple days later. I moved to an office home in the residential neighbourhood of Shin-Urayasu near Tokyo Disneyland. James, formerly Mark, and Sweetie were in charge. Both were also separated from their spouses and children. He was the leader in Hong Kong who recruited Rachelle and I, and she was formerly Maggie’s secretary who informed me of her husband’s affair with Rachelle.In our divorce application, we claimed irreconcilable differences. We told the Family Court mediator that Rachelle wanted to return to Canada. I had no idea how close to the truth that was. Many years later I learned that Berg and his staff had moved from the HCS to Canada where they lived until 1993 in a rural area near Vancouver, British Columbia. I realized then that one reason Berg’s team recruited Rachelle was her Canadian citizenship.I didn’t see Rachelle again until 1993, the year Jesus failed to come back.Divorce Separation Blues – The Avett BrothersI'm gonna keep on livin' Even though I sometimes do Fantasize about disappearin' Down in the ocean blue Just to get some peace and quiet From the warfare inside my heart Why, I've been under ear-splittin' fire Ever since we've been apart Well, I'll sign on The line beneath my name The road is gone I can't go back the way we came I got the tough education No celebration Divorce separation blues I got the tough education No celebration Bad communication Worst interpretation Love deprivation Pain allocation Soul devastation Cold desolation Life complication Resuscitation Divorce separation bluesi David Berg, “The Law of Love”, March 1974, pars. 14,16 ii David Berg, “Pyramid Power”, January 1975 iii Steven Douglas Kelly iv David Berg, “Obedience in Little Things”, 1984 v Grant Cameron Montgomery Jeremy Spencer https://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Jeremy_Spencer This is a public episode. 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