Moment 29 - How To Fearlessly Pursue Your Dreams: Ben Williams

I've got a very good friend of mine who I know won't mind me saying this because we talk about it openly um who is going through tough times at the moment he sounds very very similar to the guy that you described who was having those negative thoughts and was looking for purpose in life and I'm almost searching for advice to give him I think that's why I'm asking you the question because he is that guy that's sat in his car looking up at the sky wondering what's the point in living what is it that takes you from that place to putting the shorts on and saying do you know what I'm gonna do something for me for once I'm gonna help myself no one else is gonna get me out of this situation but me that bit there feels like the hardest mountain to climb uh I guess for you it was that sense of purpose and prestige and that was you know this has been your childhood dream or like there's also this quite some time to ponder on which is change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of making a change like when life becomes so much that it would suck less to go and be beasted yeah yeah you've got to want something that's what I looking back having learned everything along the way it was the desire to want something what is it I want um and it wasn't the validation of being a tough guy at all it was to be part of my dream you know and you think back to that nine-year-old he'd almost made his mind up on the spot later he's gonna join the marines and that kind of got taken away and then I took it away from myself anyway um and I think almost further away it gets it becomes less tangible so when the incident of the nightclub happens and you find yourself becoming wrapped around the wrong axle completely he's getting further away I'm losing control I haven't got it I'm losing that thing I want to that finally that day of something that reminds you to go remember what you want to go okay I'm gonna do it and you know I found I know a lot of people like this I still have a few of them my close friendship group um and I've worked with a lot of people like this as well where it's actually the courage to go and do it somewhere in your friend's head you'll be thinking something that I want you may look at you you're successful it's easy for you to say it look how well you're living the dream fuck you you can't give me advice and you're like oh come on switch on in there somewhere is something he wants in there somewhere it's a desire in there is a child who had an ambition for doing something and the older we get what I found with my experience it feels like it gets slightly further away and that gap gets bigger and all of a sudden you've got to take a bigger step or bigger leap if you have that ability to go no I do have the courage with it that gap closes and it takes steps it takes baby steps and people think it's overnight you know you may have found this oh you're an overnight success that's like 10 years worth of hard work Leo Messi says it took 15 years to become an overnight success that's because deep down in the shadows those people which are fighting every day the addiction the difficulty the desire to go out on the piss with our friends in the normal world to do the drugs to eat unhealthy food whatever it is is is that fight right there to go yes or no should I follow the easy option or should I follow the hard option and sometimes the hard option isn't the challenge sometimes the hard option is the courage you have to build within yourself to take the steps you know that um is there anything I could have said to you when you were in that point in your life when you were doing the drugs of having suicidal ideation if I was your friend is there anything I could have said to you that would have helped you get out of it because as friends and family members we're always trying to change your help right I sometimes doubt the power of a mate turning to you and being like put your shit together you know it strangely happened to me so uh I won't mention his name because he's doing sneaky peaky things these days but there's a close friend of mine you know peering from curtains working for special forces no no no no no yeah can't do that one again no he's not perfect um that's why I won't mention his name uh a friend of mine was within this lifestyle I was with him and um he decided to join the marines and he got out of what we were embroiled in and I remember bringing him like what's it like I was like you know sort of inquisitive about it and he just said come and do it and for me that was like this guiding light it was someone within my life who actually had come away from what we'd all been doing and perhaps had the courage to go and do it and it wasn't some millionaire entrepreneur it wasn't my mom it wasn't my dad it wasn't a really senior marine it was a friend who was probably about 15 weeks ahead of me on the process who's not even made it himself and is still going through the hardest parts of training to say come and do it come give it a go you've got this and that was almost that not validation but that boost to be like yeah all right because it's a relatable role model yeah he's just like you yeah it's someone I know it but it's so real it's so hang on he was with us 15 weeks ago I know him I bring him and I'm like wow okay I'm gonna I'm gonna follow you away which in turn becomes quite uh intimidating because your sort of social groups looking at it going well the marines is really hard to get in now two of them are there one of them's guaranteed to fail aren't they surely and I'm looking at him going oh he's stronger and tougher than I am is it me that sort of creeps in every now and then but it was that role model to have so I was just saying I was thinking that people will now look at you after being the marines for you know almost 10 years they'll see that that marine decade in they'll see Ben and they'll think oh god I can't I can't do that he's you know he's discipline he's got this mindset like they'll be a kid sat in his bedroom glancing at that youtube video of the marines advert and they're looking over at Ben and thinking oh no I'm not Ben he's all polished and it's funny that it sometimes takes a relatable role model to be the bridge where you go do you know what there's a guy that's halfway through the journey who I know and I'm like him he's not special or smart or wherever or rich and that's the bridge that I'm gonna use to get in there myself so one of the things when I do the podcast and when I talk about my story I always want to let people know that the guy you see now that can talk and that can do this business stuff and those social media was like an idiot who like got that school can't spell still can't do maths well it's just like you but as you say maybe the defining thing was courage and that courage came from just a beautiful view I could this is why I talk this is why I wanted to write my book commando mindset because I wanted to get people thinking that a commando mindset is a particular way of thinking within our world you know to have 100% of the commando mindset you have to go through a process and join up but everyone has to get themselves to the gate and I've become quite interested in getting to the gate part to start and who doesn't get to the gate you know the biggest critics never stand on the start line with you they're always the ones in the stand given the bigger line they it's those on the start line who get to the gate now I got to the gate and I was really proud to get to the gate you know how cringeworthy but potential rule means commando yes at least I'm a potential rule means commando instead of a potential civilian which I don't want to be for now I want to go and enjoy the world in different parts of it and some you wouldn't go to holiday on but I wanted to go and see it and that for me was a really interesting point and you know fast forward many years later I managed to get the prestigious job of going back to the commando trainers and as an instructor and get to see those people get to the start line and see them go on their journey and listen to their stories you know you're a bit of a tough guy at times but listen to their stories and hear them say that they had drug problems and this happened within their family and all this person lived on the street for this long but now you're in my world and I'm going to try and take you from what you were and turn you into something that we need you to be but you have the ability to be as well and that process seen them go from civilian to commando and that's really empowering because I get to stand there on the last day of training when they finally do it you can finally call them mate when uh you know