brought to you by Y Refi Refi Refi Refi Defalted Private Student Loans today at Yrefi.com slash Ramsey. I have a question about Parent Plus Loan. My dad took it out for me and my two older sisters. And I've since graduated this was 16 years ago that I graduated.
But anyway, my parents are getting too retirement now. And it's basically like my dad always finds a way to throw in there that he's paid on these Parent Plus loans like our whole lives and just saying that it's the reason that he's broken, that he doesn't have money for life insurance. And he's feeling the pinch of retirement. And I basically don't know what to do.
Because I don't really know how much he owes. He just likes to throw it in there. And he's upset about it. But my mom won't let us pay them.
Because basically all three messesers, if we can't all pay, she doesn't want any of us to pay them back. What was the original idea? Was the idea we're taking out these Parent Plus loans. So you all can go to school.
And this is our gift to you. Or was it said from the beginning, we're taking these out in our names, but you guys are paying them. Was there an agreement? Do you remember?
So it's been a long time. And I don't really remember what the agreement was for me. But I know for my oldest sister, I just recently talked to her about it. And my oldest sister, who's eight years old, me, she said that when they first did it for her, it was kind of like, we'll pay for the Parent Plus loan while you're in school.
But then after that, we want you to pick up the payment. So did she pick up the payment? She did for like maybe a year. And then when she got married and she had a baby, my parents kind of just relieved her of that responsibility.
So it's a great area is what you're saying. It's a little different for everybody. Right. And then my other sister did the same thing.
She paid for a little bit after she graduated. But then since my oldest sister wasn't paying, my parents were like, well, it's not fair for us to make you pay. And so she stopped paying. But by the time it got to me, none of them were paying.
So they never made me pay. Do you know if you asked how much they are, dad, how much? Are they? What do you tell you?
The thing is he consolidated them and stretched them out over this long period of time, which is why it's also hard to pay because they're all together. I think it's in the 40,000 range for all of them. All right. And so do you and your sister have 15,000?
We do not. Then the discussions are relevant, honey. You don't have the money. Your dad signed up for this.
And he regrets it and he's being. And he feels bad. And he's not much of them. I mean, I got to tell you, I'm pretty disappointed in him for guilt tripping his own kids after his decision he made.
Be a man of honor. Eat your broccoli, buddy. You signed up for this trip. Don't dump it on your kids every time they come over for Thanksgiving or don't be shocked.
They could come over for Thanksgiving. They're going to get tired of you. It has pushed us away. Yeah.
Nobody likes being a travel agent for guilt trips. Now, there is a side of this. And I'm in no way putting this on you. But I'm putting myself in your position.
If my dad had done this and I was hearing about it, me being who I am today, or even back then, I might be interested in figuring out, OK, how much did you take out? It was my education. What is it? I'd want him to say for real to me.
If it's 40 today, I would just take it by 3, which is 15 grand. I'd say 12 grand, and just write a check. Hand that to him. I'm done.
I'm done. You talked to the other two. And that's I mean, I'm not saying you're in your 30s. What do you make?
I make 50,000 a year or 50 to 60. Are you married? Yes. What's your husband like?
He's about the same. She got to make $120,000 a year. Yes. You have other debt?
Our house, and we're expecting a third baby on the way. And you don't have a dime. You don't have any money. I have a car note right now.
That's it. Yeah. I owe $26 on that. Good Lord.
But as a car note and the car note and the house, we're good. And we do have a savings. How much is in your savings? Like $3,000.
OK. So you're not good. You're broke. You're your dad looking up for the same thing to happen in a few years.
OK. So you guys need to get your old scrap together. Get this car paid off or get it sold. Get your emergency fund built.
And then you can have a discussion about whether you want to reach over and help your parents. But today, you don't have a legal or a moral obligation in what you've told us. There's no ethical obligation here. It would be a gift, which is what Jay is describing.
She would do. If you get yourself in a good, strong financial position, then you want to give someone a gift that's related to this discussion. That's fine. But this is a charitable gift.
You could write charity on the four line of the check if you wanted to because you do not owe this money. You really don't. And the only reason I was saying it is if you thought there was some way, because I'm thinking, this is my dad. This is eroding our relationship.
If there's some way that I feasibly can kind of take this into my own hands. That's something I would do. But you don't have to. And it's not to say that it would even be something.
And you don't until you don't have a car payment and you have an emergency fund. That's right. And have a baby. You know, you have three things going on here that need money long before your dad gets any.
So I just want to I want to set you free from his guilt trips. He's not very honorable to do that. It's sad that an old man does that to his kids. He's three daughters.
And they do it all time though. And he's playing victim. He's playing victim for a trip he signed up for. But the learning from this way, some people get out.
That's the best way since he's in all other parts of his life too. You're not the only place that he blames someone else for his own stupidity. But the learning that you can take from this today is Don't be him. Don't be him.
So you today have a situation that you need tending to, which is your own finances, so that when your baby gets old enough to go to college, you're not taking out parent plus loans. And so that when you're that age, you can look up and feel good about how you manage your finances instead of pulling load off and blaming off on everybody else. So this is your learning from this. So number one, if you never pay it back, that's fine.
Number two, definitely don't pay it back until you don't have a car payment. Deliver this baby successfully and have more than $3,000 in an emergency fund. OK, you need a three to six month emergency fund. You need to zero debt, accept your house.
And then if you want to save up $12 grand, additionally, you and your husband agree on that, you do that in your budget and you want to throw it at them. That's a gift. That's fine. If you never pay him, that's perfectly OK with me.
I'm really good with that. Me too. The only reason I would have you pay him is for you, not for him. He is not deserving.
I'm pretty disgusted with him right now. So I mean, I can't imagine I'm 64. Look at my grown kids in their 30s and go and wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham. I mean, whoa, whoos.
Unbelievable. My kids would look at me and go, who are you? You know? And because it just wouldn't happen.
I don't know whether it's Hillbilly Honor or what it is. I don't just have too much pride. Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. Helping on your kids.
It's a lack of honor. It's just a problem. So I just, we got a manhood crisis in America. Open phones at 828-825-225.
You jump in. There's one way to solve all that, by the way. No student loans. Yeah, how about that?
How about looking at these three girls when they're 17 and go get a job and go to the community college? Go to a state school. Hello. Hey, let's go.
You can't go over there. You can't afford it. We don't have the money. And I'm not going in debt.
You're up at Creek. Get out. You're going to figure it out. I like that answer.
I do too. Parents are not required to pay for college. And they're certainly not required to go into debt for it. So you are required to have a conversation early on about what the expectations are.
And the expectation is there's no debt. Yeah. It's a go to school. You can afford.
We'll help you when we can. And that you can work while you're in school. By the way, it's not child abuse. And you can get some scholarships.
And you can go to a state school. Because nobody really cares where you went to school. All they cares is you actually learn something. That's all they care.
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