Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. So my husband and I were both physicians in surgical specialties. He's an only child.
He has significant parents and apparently he approached someone who was young to support them once he graduates. And they bought a 1.2 million dollar home a couple months ago. And they've been guilty him into fully paying their mortgage and expecting more money sooner. Wow.
So this was like carte blanche, blank check, Richie Rich. We're gonna do what we want. You're gonna fund it. Was that the agreement when he was 4 years old?
So when he was young he like take care of you like good. Exactly. You guys brought me here and you know, I want to give back to you. But as he got older, he realized like, you know, life cost money and he doesn't want to give it all away.
But they called after and they're like, well, you promised, you know, you better give us this money. And so he did, you know, and obviously feels horrible about the way went down. He wanted to gift it, not feel forced it. And I just think that financially this doesn't make sense for us.
We have three young kids, we live in a 1500 square feet, you know, $300,000 home. So we're living very modestly. They drive luxury cars. His mother's never held a job at her life, so she's been in the stay of home life for the last 18 years.
And I just, I feel like we're being blackmailed by his parents. Yeah. Yes. Where are they from?
They're from Korea. Okay. Okay. And they're just an expectation that, hey, we, we raised you, we gave you this great life and now the tables are turning.
You take care of us. You worked hard to budget, plan and protect your family's future. But behind the scenes, your personal info, like your address and phone number is being bought and sold by strangers on creepy websites. That leaves you wide open to problems like scams or phishing attacks.
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Are they in a place at all, Sarah, to, to live this lifestyle themselves? Have they saved and have they been successful so in and out of jobs, but I think they do relatively well. I Mean, they've been able to fund, you know, luxury cars until now. We don't have information about their finances.
And my thoughts are we're going to be funding you. I'd like to know what's going on with your finances. I'm expected to take all of those on once you, once his dad retires in a year or two. Yeah, I mean, for sure.
This is causing a rift in your own marriage because you're clearly getting resentful of your own husband for, you know, letting this all happen and you not having a say what happens with y' all's money. Right. We need to stop for this. And you talk to your parents boundaries around this.
Yeah. The main issue is that he made this decision and gave him the money before talking to me. So he's just been sending it out. How much money are we talking here?
So he's sending them $6,000 a month and his plan is to eventually give them 12,000. Good gracious. A month. How much do you guys make a month?
Like, like out of like what comes into our 30 home pay monthly is like 46. Okay. And so he's giving, you know, 13% parent tax every month to support. We both have.
Yes, 46amonth is what you're making. 46,000amonth. He's a neurosurgeon, so he makes a decent salary. But we both have incredibly high med school debt.
How much do you have left in debt? We have all that. We're hoping for the 10 year repayment, but who knows? So each are like about 30, 340 each, so.
340 each. Yes. Because his parents can help him. I come from very simple means.
My parents are, you know, don't have a lot of money at all, which is another kind of sore point. Why are we giving your parents who live a decent life all this money? And my parents are living like, you know, paycheck to paycheck and have never requested a penny, you know, and I haven't given them. And I supported us for the last three years as an attending physician while he finished training, and we used all of my money to pay all of our bills, to, you know, fund our lifestyle, to even give money away.
I haven't been able to give my parents any money that I'd love to, but have now handing out, you know. Well, the main issue here is you guys are not united on your financial goals, even the values of the family. And he's been doing things behind your back. So there's first a marriage issue.
And then once we Deal with that we can then deal with, he can deal with the parents, but you getting the middle of talking to the in laws, I don't think that's going to work out. Right. And so he needs to have a hard conversation probably over a long period of time. I don't know if it's going to happen overnight that he just cuts them off.
But I think there needs to be like a, hey, we can't do this. We have our own debts to pay. We have our own kids we're trying to raise. We don't want to put this on our kids to have to fund our life because we're broke, because we gave it all to you guys and, and we're gonna do this.
Yeah. You and your husband, you guys really need to sit down and paint a picture of what you want your life to look like in the next five to 10 years. You know, you guys want to be, I'm sure, get the student loans paid off. You want, you know, that's a goal that you're gonna have.
You want to go to, I don't know, pay off the house. Like, I know like you, your nuclear family, you and your husband very tactically need to start creating some goals of what you're shooting for because you're making obviously an incredible income. So you don't want it just to like disappear, you know, whether it's going to the in laws or not. And you want to go as far as possible because there is major things that you can do in your life with this income.
And one of those could be, I'm just saying, with the Nasher, could be give, you know, being generous and giving some away to whoever. Fill in the blank. Right. But, but you don't even know where the money's going, what's happening because you and your husband are not united.
And so you guys need to unite as a household. Like this is what we're doing with money. And in that conversation, again, which I'm sure you have expressed to him your disdain and how pissed you are that all this is happening and it makes no sense, it's not logical, it's unfair to take a 23 year old son's word and hold it over his head for the rest of his life and their life, like none of this is logical, so let's just say it out loud and we need to get on the same page and then from there as a united front, then that's when he needs to go and talk to his parents. Guy, I think that's the second issue I Mean, the first issue, you guys are just fractured all over the place, you know?
Well, we did have a very intense, like, serious conversation. And his take was, well, just give your parents money too. I think. I guess it's.
Our goals are not aligned. Like, not looking to say big. He's looking to give out all of our money. Yeah.
And that's. Yeah. And that's not okay with you. And you're part of the household, so your voice is just as important.
I said, so how is he just giving them money? Does he have a checking account that his money goes into? We put half of our money, half of our paychecks going into our 20 account. Half of it is in our own personal.
So he was just sending it directly from my personal. You know what I'm saying? Everything needs to go into one account. So you only close your separate accounts.
You guys need one account that you're functioning out of since you are united front. And this is the fracture that happens when couples, you know, start to separate finances because it's quote unquote, his money is what he believes, and he's emotionally believing that, because emotionally it is his money. It's a different account. Your name's not on it.
And so the way that starts to break down the relationship, and that's what we're seeing right now. And so that probably make him feel very uncomfortable, that piece of advice to be united. But I think it's a difficult for your marriage. Do you know what I mean?
Like, the health of that is really important. And then out of the health of the marriage, we can make these big, you know, decisions that are going to create conflict with family. But at least we're doing it united. And so let the money goals be the villain instead of you and say, hey, we have big money goals we're trying to achieve.
We got to pay off all the debt. We're not going to wait 10 years. We're going to do 18 months. Well, now sudden you don't have the money to give them to you.
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