This is the Ramsey Call of the Day part of the Ramsey Network. David is where this David is in Louisville, Kentucky. Hi, David. How are you?
I'm doing well, and thanks for taking my call. Dave and George. I appreciate your guys's wisdom and opinion. So I'll try to be brief and A little groundwork.
I'm an over the road truck driver I am out five days at a time and I have rotating weekends. My wife works full-time. I would say two full-time jobs She also takes care of our kid all week while I'm gone So we have a 20 month old and we have a second baby boy coming in nine days. Wow So, yeah, mama's got a handful.
I try to help while I'm there and this job does have predictable schedules, which really helped a lot But here's what happened a lot of relational stuff and a little financial thing But I do wonder here's off on the financial thing So when we put to the second car seat in the chat a small SUV I was the one who said anything a little tighter than it needs to be in here for you having to pack them out in and out All day by yourself. We might look at some other options. So we talked about it could not agree on make smiles anything I'm looking at many vans. She's looking at SUVs We actually went and basically looked at some cars just to get some ideas Try to compromise on things and there was a little compromise on cars You know different lengths and models and then we were trying to figure out what would be realistic in our range with the trade and all that and There were several we both got a little sticker eyeballs there and then tried to back away from that And there were several talks about you know, we're not gonna finance anything different than where we are now to get into the vehicle We need to be you know a lateral move is fine, but we're not gonna go backwards Next thing I know Saturday.
She sends me pictures of this van that she just went and picked up and financed in grand We owe five as it was on cover and we had the money to pay it off We were doing the sort mode thing and I don't know I don't know if she just had a change of heart we we had a commitment conversation last night and we agreed There's a lot of individual and relational counseling needed to figure out how we even got to where we thought this was a good idea My fault on the financial side is we turn right back around and sell that van and whatever the gap money is Between the sale and paying off the loan. That's what we go by She seems to still think I don't know at what level that this was a good idea and that we should keep it That it's just five grand further backwards And then we can we can pay it off if we buckle down. So I'm curious what your thought is there Wow Well, I'm vacillating between this lady's completely overwhelmed with two little babies. She's pregnant and the fact that she completely lost her dad Gumbine and went again and went against everything in the relationship lied to her husband and acted like she wasn't even married I saw I mean part of me sympathetic to where she is and how overwhelmed she is and I get all of that But part of me is really ticked at her right now And I suppose probably 10x of both of those Exactly and I do understand on the one hand Not necessarily about bigger vehicle is the right choice of vehicle the loan is completely separate from that well in the decision-making process That is completely out of control.
You're not going to ever have anything financially Until we solve whatever is broken there in her in her mind on how relationships work so I Yeah, you financially what you need to do sell a car and you need to get a car that you can afford And also that would probably be a good idea for her to do To recommit to your marriage not necessarily to the Ramsey steps or something You guys may decide together that you want to go deeply in debt if you want to do that That's fine But whatever the first thing that has to happen is you all have to get on the same page and agree to keep your word to each other You just can't have a relationship where you just don't keep your word to each other where you act independently unilaterally of each other like this There's just no data that says that creates a quality relationship Yeah, the financial piece can be undone today, but the relational piece the trust that's going to take a while to build back up And I think you're right that counseling is an order and on the financial side Do you guys still have other types of debt outside of this car loan? Yeah? Yeah, we're Yeah, we had five grand left on the cars. This car is down 10 so an additional five or six Um, she has a $17,000 student loan which would have been the next thing we tackled and then some petty collection that she has from old credit cards Yeah Um, my guess is my guess is your wife feels like that she's running her life by herself already for a long time because you're just never there And um, she feels abandoned and she just had to do what she had to do as an abandoned single mom I'm thinking that's where she is emotionally.
You don't feel like that she is, but I think that's where she thinks she is I agree with that that that's probably pretty fair for how she feels emotionally. I guess my concern is that you know, I don't They don't play that at all, but at least relationally and financially. We agreed to be on the same page and then you went Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm I'm livid of our breaking her word and and just doing this but I'm trying to figure out what level of Distress she must have been in to do that because it sounds like you all had very clear conversations And then she just went and did whatever the flip she wanted to do anyway, so which it just tells me she's just in freakout mode I guess I mean because I don't this lady does not sound like someone who is Obstinent arrogant She doesn't sound like that person to me. She sounds more like somebody feels I think she's a cornered animal and she bit you You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, that's how it feels. So you got to get to the bottom of that where you can fix this van thing the van problem is that is the symptom It's not the thing. So it may be dude. You're coming off the road You got a little babies and she's overwhelmed and you may be coming off the road and doing something else so that you can be there for your family for a season I don't know, but I do know you need to sit down the marriage counselor for sure I'm not qualified to unravel all this I can just I can kind of get on her side for a minute But there's no way to justify what she did on the other hand so I can get on your side and be pissed about it too I get it.
I understand where your head is, but I'm trying to figure out what caused this so it doesn't happen again That's the thing because if you don't break this you're gonna be broke your whole life Thanks for tuning in to the Ramsey Call of the Day to check out all of our podcast just search Ramsey Network on Apple Podcast Spotify or wherever you listen