nonbeing (the asymmetries of just standing there)

“No!” he all but shouted, then shrunk back into himself as he realized that people had turned to look. “No, it’s not that,” he said more quietly, clutching at the table, “it’s just… I didn’t think I would have one. And I don’t think that’s what he was.”“Silly. Ev-er-y-bo-dy has one. This is the new way.”“No. No, not my double. I mean…” He shook his head.“They’re always somewhere,” Lily told him patiently, as if she were lecturing a petulant pre-schooler, “just maybe not here, maybe not so ob-vi-ous, so you can find them like that.”“No, look, I think I was him. I think I still am. And he…”But despite his growing anxiety, Lily pulled open her composition book and wrote, with her slim, black ballpoint pen, Boy went to the fence, where he found his other self, and he was a soldier… And when her eyes rolled upward to look at him again (whites’ gleaming undersides marked in the tiniest of veins) he was paler than before (he was already very pale to begin with) but silent, staring at her in disbelief. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit briancshort.substack.com