Notes from the Upper West Side. A novel by Dan Wrench. Chapter 55. An integral part of the plan.
You want your abs ripped, right? He asked. Yeah, yeah. You have to have maybe 12% body fat at most.
Any more, and it doesn't matter how many crunches you do. The fat layer covers all the ripped muscle. You think I know that being a model. What do you model, suits?
Oh, yeah. You get in shape, your prick gets in shape, then you take regular large doses of vitamin B12 in zinc. Massive heart aunts. Wait, vitamin B12?
Don't memorize. When I get home, I'll send you a list to your email. Probably not tonight, so don't wait up. Okay, well, when you send it, don't let the subject have anything about dicks or heart aunts in it.
Assume anything you send to my home computer will be read in Times Square by women wearing black veils and weeping. I'll call it, read your gaffer tape question. Thanks, man. I'm kind of eager to try it all out.
Of course, if you put something in your body that hasn't been evaluated by the guns and badges, then you could get one of those evil superbugs that only people with guns and badges know about it. I love you, I laugh. Yeah, you smile. You don't need to be protected, but the people in the cloth coats who clean up for a living, they should probably still be forced at the point of a gun to get a permission slip before they're allowed to make a decision for themselves, right?
Don't get all libertarian on me. I said, I'm with the people. If the people want to buy their own drugs, they should be allowed. I just think they should be guaranteed that it's safe first.
Hopside this little laughy side that I guess was supposed to mean that he's the Vinci and I'm a clown. Let's talk about your sad limp dick. He said, I could pretend that I remember the whole conversation word for word, but what came next was, he told me to beat off. Yeah, pound your butt, he said, but not in those words.
It was like he was talking about football practice. Once you're working out and taking the chemicals and doing the cagels, he said, You should pull your cock until you almost orgasm, then back off. Do this a few times each day. Each day?
Yeah, get one of those rooms at the Commodore that Libby is always bragging he can use for an hour to bang fat fern. I'm supposed to gank Jasper without coming. I'll go nuts. No, no, no.
He said he was enthused. It was like we were in high school and he was telling you where I could buy beer anytime I wanted. No idea. You think you'll go crazy, but that goes away after about a minute.
Then you're ready to go again. The only downside is you may do nothing else all day. I have to tell you this goes against only instincts. He looked off toward the subway station.
Going against your instinct is an integral part of the plan. Call back to me. Notes from the Upper West Side is a work of fiction. The people depicted in this work do not exist.
Notes from the Upper West Side. Copyright 2013 to 2017. By Dan Wrench.