Parenting: Letting Children Choose

I am a public philosopher, it is my only job. I am enabled to do this job, in large part, thanks to support from my listeners and readers. You can support my work, keep it independent and online, at https://practicingstoicism.com/pledge. Over the years, many parents have asked me how to teach Stoicism to their children. My answer, when the child is young, is always the same: don’t. Not yet. In this episode, I explain why I believe children should first be allowed to fully develop their rational faculty before being introduced to philosophies or religions of any kind, including Stoicism. I use religion as a parallel case to show how faith only counts as faith when it is chosen freely, not inherited through early conditioning. When beliefs are introduced too early, before a child is capable of genuine evaluation, what looks like belief is often just unexamined imitation. I argue that this concern applies just as much to philosophy as it does to religion. The ancient Stoics themselves understood that the rational faculty matures over time, and they generally held that serious philosophical instruction was appropriate closer to adolescence, not early childhood. Before that point, children are highly malleable and prone to accepting authority rather than questioning it. That does not mean children should be raised without guidance. I discuss how I approach parenting by focusing on the what of behavior rather than the deep metaphysical why. Concepts like kindness, cooperation, respect, and shared responsibility can be explained in simple, non-partisan terms that match a child’s developmental stage, without smuggling in complex worldviews they are not yet equipped to assess. Ultimately, I argue that our responsibility as parents is not to replicate ourselves in our children, nor to secure their allegiance to our preferred philosophy, but to help them become healthy, capable, contributing members of a shared world. If we do that well, whatever philosophy or religion they eventually adopt will be something they choose for themselves—and that choice will actually mean something. Looking for a Stoic habit tracker? I've created a free one. You can find it at https://stoictracker.com. Listening on Spotify? Leave a comment! Share your thoughts.