Planting Positivity - Weeding Positivity No 27 - Pulling out the weeds!

So, everyone is feeling trapped by their limitations, the thinking that holds them trapped, by their limiting beliefs. This is so sad.My mother rejected me, She only wanted two children and already had two, but my dad wanted 4, then my parents compromised on a third, but the third baby was twins and I was the fourth one to arrive. She had 4 children under 4 and couldn’t cope, Post natal depression set in I think and although the functions were there food, clothes etc I grew up with her but I was always aware the love did not flow to me, from her. What I took from this for several years was that I was un-loveable, I was un-worthy. Worse than that I did for a number of years think I must have some evilness inside me, I must be a bad person that my mum can see but I can’t because my own mother could not find it in her heart to love me. I was confused, hurt, bitter, angry, rage-full, and lost for years. In the early years, I could not see it from my mother’s point of view. I did not think it was because my mother struggled, I did not think it was because she was suffering from an acute form of post natal depression (the chemicals and hormones that race around a woman’s body after having a baby can do funny things to them. Post natal depression is where you cannot cope with the baby I did not have the gift of hindsight, that’s when you look back on an event and can understand it better or beautiful people like Louise Hay saying,“We are all victims of victims, we are all doing the best we can with the knowledge and skills we have.”In the early years, I just believed it was because I was evil, I was bad, I was unworthy. I found it hard to make friends because when people were friendly towards me, I thought it is only a matter of time before they discover how horrible and evil I am and then shun away from me, turn away from me. I felt totally unworthy of love because I could not get that from my own mother. We all have limitations and lack thoughts to one degree or another, this means no matter who you are, you can still sometimes think you are not good enough.I do not tell you that for the sympathy, I tell you that because even I am amazed about the course my life has taken. I have come from the blackest of places to the brightest and all because I listened to an inner belief that I may be all right after all and I changed my thinking from negative to positive.I had done a lot of work on myself using Dr Phil’s “Self-Matters”. He is a very famous guy that has been on Oprah Winfrey, he gives really good advice to people and helps them with their problems. I had counseling too, after I had my daughter, mainly because I wanted to ensure I didn’t go the same way as my mother.I was becoming more positive and after arriving in Oman, I felt real joy about painting and I felt whole and complete calling myself an Artist and singing in a band. I was feeling good and as a result, good experiences were coming to me. I was feeling fulfilled and as a result my life was becoming full.So, I had my vision board, I had the ability to dream big, I got excited and enthusiastic about what I could achieve and bring in, but I hit resistance and I was stuck, I was blocked.I managed to experience some form of miraculous event daily, things that happened that made me go WOW. I could imagine a friend, or say something like ‘I need to get a response now from such and such’ and then within hours and sometimes within minutes I would get a response, or hear from the friend. I also had success selling my art, and exhibiting, but I could not seem to get the rich and famous to see my work and therefore spend more money on it, which would have justified my being able to paint all day any day.