S1E9: Alpacas Can't Jump

It's Episode NINE of Jam Mechanics. We learn about Matt's casual relationship with the 5-second rule and Bug forgets to come up with a prompt (don't worry, his wife bails him out!) Jam Mechanics is a podcast hosted by Matt (The Narcissist Cookbook) and Bug (Bug Hunter) where we challenge each other to write a song demo from scratch every episode. If you'd like downloadable files for this episode (and the demos we showed off), ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠you can go to our Bandcamp⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to pay-what-you-want to support us! Our Music: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Narcissist Cookbook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bug Hunter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠and our brand-new discord is here⁠⁠ and follow us on Instagram, YouTube, etc! Please share the show (and our music) with friends! -- SPOILERS FOR THIS EPISODE BELOW -- ----------------- BUG'S SONG Matt's Challenge: TV Theme song Title: Kick and Spin Lyrics: Do you ever feel like a lil guy? like you have no control but somehow you’re still synchronized cuz life keeps spinnin’, spinnin’ and you keep kickin’, kickin’ mostly due to the metal rod thats going through your torso thats attached to three other dudes It’s Foosball! It don’t matter if you win all we do is kick and spin but mostly kick (but mostly spin) Try to pass to the goalie and you score on yourself try to pass up the field, oh no you scored on yourself then you finally score a goal but it ricochets off and you score on yourself It’s Foosball! It don’t matter if you win all we do is kick and spin but mostly kick (but mostly spin) Oh hey, didn’t see you there you’re probably wondering how I got here strapped to these three other dudes trapped in a perpetual game of soccer against different colored but functionally identical opponents Spinning clockwise into infinity forever… well… A witch trapped my soul in here, I used to be a lawyer, tell my wife I love her It’s foosball! where nobody has a name where it's just a silly game where we kick and spin all day It’s Foosball! It don’t matter if you win all we do is kick and spin but mostly kick (but mostly spin) Kick and Spin was taped in front of a studio audience of weird faceless mannequins starring Kickolas Cage and John Kraspinski ---------- MATT'S SONG (Lady)Bug's Challenge: The Alpaca Can't see over the fence (and also, the alpaca can't jump) Title: The Alpaca Song Lyrics: the alpaca can't see over the fence the alpaca can't see over the fence the alpaca can't see but he can hear all of his friends the alpaca can't see over the fence he could go over it ALPACAS CAN'T JUMP go under it ALPACAS CAN'T DIG go through it ALPACAS AREN'T GHOSTS go round it UNFORTUNATELY THE FENCE IS SURROUNDING THE ALPACA ON ALL SIDES he could open the gate THE GATE IS LOCKED he could unlock the gate HE DOESN'T HAVE A KEY he could pick the lock PICK IT WITH WHAT a stalk of hay THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, ALPACAS CAN'T PICK LOCKS THEY DON'T HAVE THUMBS he could eat the fence WAIT THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA try to eat the fence HE'S EATING THE FENCE! oh wow it's working! OH NO IT'S NOT why what happened NOTHING IN PARTICULAR IT'S JUST THAT THERE IS A LOT OF FENCE he could burn the fence I said he could burn the fence YEAH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S LOCKED IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE chorus he could fake his death OKAY scream for help OKAY and when his friends come MHM they'll see him lying on the floor ALRIGHT he'll be covered in blood WHERE'D HE GET THE BLOOD the blood is from the farmer OH MY GOD and then when the gate is open BURN THE FARM DOWN it's working, it's working they're coming to help him the blood is convincing they're opening the gate they're sensed his trickery but it's too late the alpaca is free the alpaca is freee he tries to start a fire but the farmer's not dead! they're fighting, they're fighting! he calls to his friends the ones he betrayed they won't save him he only has once chance he strikes a match he tosses it into the hay the alpaca has gotten his revenge