S2 E7 - Hubby's Proposal Memories | Malibu Falls Post Flagged | Kids & Marriage chat

Episode Synopsis[Audio Diary Recorded 8.8.25]In this marathon episode recorded over multiple sessions, I navigate extreme sleep deprivation (Jack woke me up repeatedly at 3am), celebrate Jack's last day of preschool after 12 years of paying for three kids' private education, and experience the emotional whiplash of Instagram taking down my Malibu Falls post for policy violations before reinstating it. I work through my first collab attempt, struggle with my talking head video getting only 637 views, and process deep feelings about acquaintances I've given too much power to—realizing they're "literally not paying attention at all." The episode captures my revelation that the people I was scared would judge me don't care, my decision to invest Jack's $1,400/month tuition into podcast editing now that he's moving to public school, and my commitment to stop tiptoeing around creating "real truth art" for fear of making others uncomfortable.Extreme parenting exhaustion: Jack woke me up repeatedly at 3am every time I almost fell asleep—"I am a non-functional human today"—reminding me "how many times you have to still get up and move your butt and take care of everybody else"Instagram policy violation and reinstatement: My Malibu Falls post got pulled for glorifying self-harm, almost at a million views—"I'm skirting the line of light and dark and that is why the posts are as successful as they are"—but Instagram reviewed and reinstated it with an apologyThe people I feared don't care: The acquaintances I was "worried would judge me literally they could care less"—"not a single one has reached out" about my podcast—and "that should be very freeing and is very freeing for me"First collaboration anxiety: I did my first collab and immediately wanted to qualify "if you don't like it, you don't have to share it"—recognizing my pattern of falling into the "helper helper category" because I fear people won't reciprocateReinvesting tuition money: After 12 years paying for private preschool ($1,400/month for Jack's Montessori), I'm now investing that money into getting my podcast edited—"if I could do that for Jack's school, I can figure out how to spend that money" on my artStop tiptoeing for others' comfort: I'm "done tiptoeing around and not creating real truth art for fear that it will make other people uncomfortable"—including using real situations from parties where I felt unwelcome, without naming namesThe shed skin metaphor: Looking back at honest episodes I'm scared to post, I realize "that episode was like my shed skin from that time—it really came from me but it's not who I am now"Breathing through impatience: On day two of no sleep, I had to consciously practice patience with Jack wanting to help cook—"usually I'm cheering on, let's explore life, but today I was like, can we please just prep dinner"Proposal memories and control issues: Reflecting on Ian's surprise proposal where I was covered in oil paint, I realize "I'm the problem in that equation—why am I such a planner that I can't just get over the fact that I wanted to control what I looked like"The 10-year master plan: This is my strategic timeline—create the series now while kids are young, then "when they are older and in college, mommy's now filming this as a TV show, this is my master plan"