Self Gaslighting

Episode 69 of the The Relationship Guy podcast, hosted by John Kenny, titled "Self Gaslighting" was published on October 13, 2022 and runs 10 minutes.

October 13, 2022 ·10m · The Relationship Guy

0:00 / 0:00

Summary

Gaslighting is a term that has become more commonplace in the media and in general conversation about relationships and is often overused or misused to describe manipulative or controlling behaviour. Gaslighting is an insidious and coercive type of manipulation usually from one person to another. However, there is a self destructive behaviour that we can practice on ourselves utilising the voice in our head to belittle and manipulate that can result in and be described as Self Gaslighting. KEY TAKEAWAYS You can criticise and doubt yourself so much that you can make yourself dismiss your own emotions and question your own reality. You may even tell yourself to take the blame for any issue regardless of where the real responsibility lies. These behaviours follow two categories, minimisation and self-invalidation. You may have developed this in childhood where you were constantly blamed for things, told things that clearly did not happen or were constantly informed that your experience of a situation was not as you perceived it. This can result in emotions of anxiety, depression, confusion and shame, yet even these emotion’s validity can be questioned. Get to know and understand yourself. Recognise what triggers you and the patterns of behaviour that this causes. Journaling your feelings can be helpful to allow you to see clearly changes in your emotions, attitude or comprehension of trigger situations. Do not judge your thoughts. Show yourself compassion and honour who you are, what you think and what you feel. Change your relational pattern of those that you invite into your life and spend less time with the people that trigger you and who are responsible for these issues in the first place. BEST MOMENTS‘Do you ever hear yourself ask these types of questions when something is going on that you are uncomfortable with? “Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought.””They didn’t mean to hurt me.””I’m being overly emotional.” Or “I am making something out of nothing.”’ ‘I have clients that believe this about themselves based on their childhood experiences and in some cases are being reaffirmed over and over by family members to this day.’‘In the most extreme of cases it can create a split in your personality as though you are two or more different people. The person who knows what is happening or has happened and who knows that they aren’t wrong or to blame but have to be responsible regardless.’ ‘You may have learned to self gaslight in times of stress and when you were in survival mode. It could have become your protective mechanism, so tell your brain that you no longer need it to protect you in this way, that you are safe to look at things and not use this technique to keep you stuck any longer.’VALUABLE RESOURCESLink to my workshop - https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/To get in touch - email – [email protected] or book a complimentary call – https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30minIf people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offerWant to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30minThe Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy ABOUT THE HOSTI am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose. CONTACT METHODFacebook – https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoachingLinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coachingInsta – https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/Twitter – https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoachYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQClubhouse - @relationshipguy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode Description

You can criticise and doubt yourself so much that you can make yourself dismiss your own emotions and question your own reality. You may even tell yourself to take the blame for any issue regardless of where the real responsibility lies.
These behaviours follow two categories, minimisation and self-invalidation.
You may have developed this in childhood where you were constantly blamed for things, told things that clearly did not happen or were constantly informed that your experience of a situation was not as you perceived it.
This can result in emotions of anxiety, depression, confusion and shame, yet even these emotion’s validity can be questioned.
Get to know and understand yourself. Recognise what triggers you and the patterns of behaviour that this causes.
Journaling your feelings can be helpful to allow you to see clearly changes in your emotions, attitude or comprehension of trigger situations.
Do not judge your thoughts. Show yourself compassion and honour who you are, what you think and what you feel.
Change your relational pattern of those that you invite into your life and spend less time with the people that trigger you and who are responsible for these issues in the first place.

BEST MOMENTS
‘Do you ever hear yourself ask these types of questions when something is going on that you are uncomfortable with? “Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought.””They didn’t mean to hurt me.””I’m being overly emotional.” Or “I am making something out of nothing.”’
‘I have clients that believe this about themselves based on their childhood experiences and in some cases are being reaffirmed over and over by family members to this day.’
‘In the most extreme of cases it can create a split in your personality as though you are two or more different people. The person who knows what is happening or has happened and who knows that they aren’t wrong or to blame but have to be responsible regardless.’
‘You may have learned to self gaslight in times of stress and when you were in survival mode. It could have become your protective mechanism, so tell your brain that you no longer need it to protect you in this way, that you are safe to look at things and not use this technique to keep you stuck any longer.’
VALUABLE RESOURCES
Link to my workshop - https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/
To get in touch - email – [email protected] or book a complimentary call – https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min
If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer
Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min
The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy
ABOUT THE HOST
I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.
Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.