brought to you by the Every Dollar App. Start budgeting for free today. Hi, good afternoon. I thanks for taking my calls.
I just want to give a little background of what I'm asking about. I'm getting my boyfriend just under two years, and we have to actually talk about the future together. You know, in the next step would be living together. We feel right in just a way for money.
We like to buy a house. Neither of us are in the financial state to buy a house. His parents have graciously offered to basically have us buy their house from them for $350,000, which is pennies in this market. With the agreement of if we were to ever sell, that we would have to split the difference with them.
Who's parents? My boyfriend's parents. This is an awful idea. That's why I'm calling.
Did you feel like it was an awful idea when you called, or did you think it was a great idea? And you're just being nice to my really dour response. I was kind of 50-50. You know, I came from a divorce house, and my parents argued about money every single day.
My boyfriend's parents are still together. They lived in middle class, they were weak. I also have a student debt. My boyfriend doesn't have any.
So I'm just trying to think of the future. I'm also thinking, am I going to sign off on the mortgage without engagement? So I know that's playing into it. Yeah, those are all legit questions.
I mean, George, you got telling you, red flag, red flag, red flag, don't do this. It's not the opportunity you think it is. And also you splitting the difference with them. What happens if you stay in this for 10 or 20 years, and this house becomes worth a million bucks, and you just gave away 300 grand.
Right. You see how convoluted it is? Can I give you an alternate vision? Can I do that, Alison?
Yeah, I'm all ears, I'm willing. Here's the alternate vision. You and your boyfriend don't live together until you get married. And when you get married, you join finances.
And maybe you attack a lot of that debt before you ever put a ring on it, and you get debt free. And you guys rent for two years, or whatever it's going to take, three years to get a good down payment. George will walk you through that formula of what we recommend. But we just take our time.
And we're not thinking things like, oh, what a waste of time. I was actually being married and not owning a home. And just have this alternate vision for, hey, we can take our time and move into this and not be saddled with a really weird, clunky arrangement. And George explained our formula on all this.
What you're looking for is 25% of your take on pay going toward the mortgage. And it's with two married people. And there's a lot of issues with doing this before your marriage. There's a lot of issues doing this with his parents involved and them having a financial gain in this.
It just gets real messy. What happens when you guys, or if you guys break up? And now not only are you, hey, I'm on the mortgage, he stopped paying, but now the parents are involved with the sale of the house. And they don't like me because I don't, they're boy.
It's just a mess. And I hope that doesn't happen. I hope you guys stay together forever, but the next logical step is not, let's live together and buy a house even though it broke. The next logical step is how do we get out of debt?
How can we take steps toward marriage? And then once we're in a good financial position, we buy a house. But right now what's clouding your judgment is this quote deal that you're getting on this house. It's not that, I mean, I'm going to be 32 soon and he's going to be 36 in a month.
So we're kind of thinking, you know, we want to get married, we want to start a family, start a life together market right now. Do it. But you don't have to buy this house. This has nothing to do with the market.
Let me tell you what happens. Because I know these stories. You guys move in together to this new house. And for four more years, you talk about getting married.
Because guess what? Now you've kind of already played house. So what's the point of getting married? Why the rush?
And we're broke so we can't pay for a wedding. And therefore you're going to build a presentment. And that's going to not end well for this relationship. And so we're just showing you what happens on the other side.
We're not trying to be naysayers. We just get too many calls when people hope to work out a certain way. And then life happens. Right.
I got it. And like I said, I came from divorce parent. I'm personally in debt. I'm working extremely hard to tackle and just get rid of it.
So I got to worry about it. And he's a complete opposite. Doesn't have any debt. Didn't have to worry about parents' financial struggles.
So we're coming from two totally different point of view. Then when I bring up to him, you know, I don't want to find a mortgage away if I'm not engaged. Like I need at least a commitment. What did he say to that?
He kind of I don't want to dance around the idea. But he like he goes, we're going to do it eventually. Like we're going to be together. Like, you know, I really want to listen to that before we do.
Like, yeah, me too. But if I'm going to find a mortgage without a ring, like I don't see how that's fair to me. Yeah, you're right. Don't I'm not going to get into my traditional views of all this.
But you certainly should not sign a mortgage when you are not legally married to him. That's true. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, at first I was like, I don't want to have I house and what's for married. And then I compromised with I need an engagement. So I was coming. No, don't compromise.
And don't compromise. Make him listen, you got the leverage, sister. He needs to step up. Right.
He's a step is game up. Is he going to pop the question or not? You should play this back from on YouTube. I'll tell him I'm the bad guy today.
I don't care. Man up, bro. Put a ring on it. Don't put pressure on her to get into a ill advised deal.
And what's wrong with you? And to use this as leverage to hang over your head is just strange. Oh, it's weak. Say, well, once we move in, then I'll propose.
I want to try it out. I want to live with you for a while before I decide to commit to this. What's wrong with men in America today? Look at all these freaking women walking around.
They've got a lot to offer. And they're in their 30s and they can't get married because you got a bunch of freaking children posing as men. We got a man problem in the United States and women. You know what you ought to do?
Just tell these guys. Go pound sand. I'm not going to live with you. I'm not even going to date you for a long time.
If you don't show some dad gum commitment, I just got to tell you, George, I got a little irritated with it. And this is the problem. And he's in his 30s house, right? He's 36.
He's a man child. Why doesn't he just buy the house on his own? Yeah, we go. He's so financially well off.
There's a notion. Right. He doesn't have a mind, right? I think I shocked Allison.
Yeah, I do. I need to say, I know this is probably sound contradictory, but he has been the most amazing partner I could have ever asked for. And we don't have any issues. But when it comes to this, we obviously have to, the employees, he's seeing it as the living situation on the road.
And we can finally move forward and be together. And he commits first. Renting is one thing, but a mortgage, I don't know. No, I thought we told you that, Allison.
Don't keep waffling. And listen, he'd be a great boyfriend, but he's a boy. And until he starts acting like a man, I'm going to tell you something. I wouldn't do any of this with him.
I wouldn't do any. I wouldn't move anything either. And if that means you're renting, don't look at that as throwing the money on rent. You're buying patients.
If you have to get two or three roommates until this is all figured out and you guys are married, I'm okay with that. That's how I did it before I was married. And it worked out great. And it really helps you avoid so many issues that can come up when you jump into this next step, which is the biggest financial move you will ever make in your life is buying this house.
And doing it with someone you're not married to is a recipe for disasters. All right, I got to ask you, if this were a dating show, what's your statute of limitations if I can borrow a phone on how long a guy should be in a serious relationship like this before we start to say, hey, dude, you have commitment to share. Here's what I'll say. If it's high school sweethearts, I think you can get more time.
If you're in your 30s, I give it two to three years. Max. Oh, that's way too long. Two three years.
Max. I think a year. I think 12 months. If you're in your 30s and you've been seriously dating someone for a year, if you can't decide by that point whether or not they're a life partner, I like getting past your year.
That's when you finally have your first fight. The first year. It's all gumdrops and rainbows. No, I think that's about a three month period.
You got to know how they fight. Conflict is everything. You got to know how they fight before you say yes. All right, Ken's an old man, but I think we're on the same page.
I believe in commitment. Been married 26 years. I believe in a thing called life stuff. Create your free every dollar budget today.
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