Slut Buckets

Discussing what "normal" means as Biden takes office.

Today we are really pulling back the curtain on first response and front line work and naming the elephant in the room. You guys, I hate to be the one to tell you, but what you do is NOT normal. Ok, maybe that wasn’t totally revelatory… Back in the fall I put out a request on social media and to those who follow me by subscribing to my email list, and I asked for you to tell me what you wanted to hear about on the show as I put together my plans for 2022 topics and interviews. And this topic was chosen by YOU. So today, as requested, I am launching this new series that I’m calling “Being Normal”. Over the coming weeks we are going to talk about the impacts the work has on our ability to be normal outside of the work in our friendships, in our intimate partnership relationships, in our relationships with our kiddos, and in our daily living activities. Not only will you be hearing from me, but I have lined up some fantastic guests to join me to share their experiences, wisdom and insights as we work at finding some normal in the very not-normal of the work you do.For today we are setting the stage for this awesome series and really working to name the ways in which the work is not normal, and…here’s the harder part to swallow: Not only is your work NOT normal, but the longer YOU spend IN it, the more difficult it becomes to feel and be normal in your life outside the work AND the more uncomfortable you likely feel in spaces that are relatively normal. So – before we dive too far in today let me preface all of this by saying that I know normal is a word that comes with some judgements. When I use it for the purpose of our discussions throughout this series, I intend it to mean typical to the average adult person in everyday living and interactions. For instance, when someone sees something dangerous, crisis-related or chaotic unfolding before their eyes, the typical human response is wired to go AWAY from that scenario. Human beings are wired to limit exposure to risk, threat and potential for harm for the purpose of survival – that is how we’re built and would be reflective of the average response. Part of what is NOT normal about your work is that you are trained and eventually re-wired to run TOWARD the danger, crisis or chaos. Not only that, over time that re-wiring can become increasingly hardwired in to not only run toward danger, crisis or chaos but to actually feel more comfortable IN danger, crisis and chaos, leading us to seek out or even create situations that satiate this craving. Can we just acknowledge that that’s NOT normal? This is actually a piece I talk quite a bit about and work to breakdown in my Beating the Breaking Point resilience training program where we talk about the adrenaline rollercoaster and the way it changes our brain’s pathways and responses over time. Neuro-physiologically you are changed by the work, we could map it, and normal-people jobs don’t generally have this kind of functional impact on their actual neuro-biology. In preparation for today’s episode, I spent some time brainstorming a list of things that are not normal about the work you do, and that result in creating some not-normal problems for you in your daily life outside of the work. Fun, right? My guess is that you might think of some others, and feel free to shoot me a message because I might circle back to them in another episode. Let’s start with the parts of your job that are not normal:1.      If you work shift-work, shift-work is NOT normal. There is not a human on earth who is wired to engage in rotating shifts flipping between days and nights on 12 hour shifts for a 4 day 4 off set. It’s not a thing. I get that emergencies happen 24 hours a day and that staffing needs to fairly distribute hours and all that jazz…but that doesn’t mean anyone is built to withstand the demand of it – particularly long term. The physical fuck-up that comes from this has consequences – we talked about some of that during our episode with sleep specialist Dr. Glenn Landry on Season 2 Episode 12 – and those are not consequences that the average joe-citizen faces. Circadian rhythm disorders can lead to significant health concerns, as well as mental health impacts. 2.      Dark humor is NOT normal. I will be the first to say that dark humor is a requirement for survival in the work you do and there is no shame for using it. That said, it’s also important to identify that it’s not normal. Humour has always been a method of coping for humanity, regardless of what it’s connected to, but humour grounded in human suffering isn’t generally used by people in everyday life. We’ve likely all had those moments of exposing a dark humour moment in a room with people who don’t get it and having that moment of shocked silence – that’s a solid reflection of how not-normal this is. 3.      Running toward the danger rather than away is NOT normal. Like I already mentioned, human beings are wired first and foremost for survival. We have a deeply rooted genetic code that comes with generational learning that has trained us to go away from scary, intense, risky situations to keep ourselves safe above all else. Now, this one tends to be a bit of a combination of two factors: personal pre-work training factors, and then professional training factors. We need to acknowledge that some people enter the work BECAUSE they already feel wired to run toward the danger. Often this comes from personal experiences with intensity and potentially trauma that have trained us in our personal lives to frame a role that feels more secure, valuable or otherwise capable in high-risk, high-stress situations. To be totally honest, in my work I have found a disproportionate number of my first response and front line work clients have histories of childhood abuse, neglect, or trauma that led them to feel passionately about helping while simultaneously uniquely equipped to be in danger, stress and chaos because it has been all-too-familiar for so very long. Now this isn’t everyone’s story, but it is a story I hear a LOT. For others, as well as for those who come into the work training with some degree of comfort in the risk, the training does the rest. The training forces our brains to re-wire and teaches us to shut down or shush our normal human responses in order to choose to go toward the risk. While this is what allows you to be awesome at what you do, I’m also going to tell you that it comes with a cost. 4.      Being a part of everyone’s worst day is NOT normal. I can’t think of any other industry where every interaction is someone’s worst day. Where nearly every interaction has some degree of life or death. That’s NOT normal! Most other professions have measurable wins that show up on a semi-consistent basis that people can anchor to and feel reflective of their effort. There’s something they can point to and feel good about. Walking into situations knowing that this is someone’s worst day, over and over and over again, and experiencing the wins as few and far between and difficult to measure is not normal. 5.      Living a constant cliff-hanger is NOT normal. The adrenaline response of being on a call or dealing with a situation is one thing, but the worst is not knowing what happens once your part to play is done. As the dispatcher you may not know what happens once you’re off the call, the fire fighter doesn’t know what happens once the ambulance pulls away, the medics don’t know what happens once they release to the hospital staff, the emerg staff don’t know what happens once they stabilize and send off to whichever unit…each int...

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