EPISODE · May 9, 2026 · 34 MIN
Spiraling After a Trigger: How Shame Makes It Worse
from The Wired for Well-Being Podcast · host Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein
Interested in the Professional Presence Masterclass? Visit drjeffreyrutstein.com/links Want to leave a question? Call 866-357-5156 After a major trigger, the trauma survivor's nervous system doesn't just reset. It can cycle through fight/flight and collapse. And inside that state of nervous system dysregulation, something insidious happens: shame moves in and blocks access to the very thing that could help. The result is an emotional and physiological hangover that can feel completely inescapable. In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein — psychologist, trauma expert, and nervous system specialist — explores why trauma recovery stalls in the aftermath of a trigger. Drawing on polyvagal theory and emotional healing research, Jeffrey and Steve unpack why nervous system regulation feels out of reach when shame is running the show, and how to find what Jeffrey calls the "back door" into self-compassion when the obvious route is blocked. For anyone who has ever felt certain that nothing will work — this conversation explains why, and offers a real way through. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo or email [email protected]. Learn more about the Professional Presence Masterclass for therapists. Find the details at drjeffreyrutstein.com/links. The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.
What this episode covers
In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores what happens in the nervous system after a major triggering event — and why the emotional and physiological hangover that follows can feel so impossible to escape. A listener writes in describing something painfully familiar: cycling between fight/flight and collapse, feeling slumped and lost, and knowing that self-compassion should help but finding it completely out of reach. Jeffrey traces this back to how trauma shapes the nervous system’s response — the longer tail of dysregulation that trauma survivors know well, and the way shame moves in to deepen the hole. At the center of his answer is a paradox he calls one of shame’s cruelest moves: it blocks access to the very thing that could soften it. He explores why self-compassion doesn’t fail us in those moments — shame does. And he offers what he calls the ”back door”: a way of touching into kindness and care when the front door is locked. For anyone who has ever felt certain that nothing will work, that they’re somehow too broken for the tools that help other people — this conversation is an honest explanation and a genuine way through.
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Spiraling After a Trigger: How Shame Makes It Worse
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