Stewart Legere Thought #11

TRANSCRIPT: hi i'm stewart legere and this is my 11th, and penultimate, thought which is really just a memory about three years ago i was artist in residence at videofag the - now closed - queer performance space in kensington market, in toronto. i was sitting alone in the middle of the space in the middle of the night at a table, drinking wine writing it was valentine's day. it was the night ellen page came out earlier, i had been waiting for a guy to come meet me for a date but i wasn't waiting any more it was clear he wasn't coming i remember how quiet it was and the glow from my computer screen i remember crying and feeling very happy to be queer i remember the wine was dry i remember looking outside and seeing someone i knew from halifax jumping a fence across the street and thinking "we're 2000 kms away from home, but i'm not going to wave" it was one of those super rare moments in life where everything felt clear and everything felt balanced i felt so alive i felt so lonely and so sad but so happy very conflicted very excited i felt supported but also abandoned i was broke but content i was worried i was ready maybe like what the feeling feels like right before you bungie jump or when you eat something that's hot in some places and cold in others i remember thinking i can do this feeling equally brave and like a liar and, looking back, i was probably basically right