Stewart Legere Thought 8.1,8.2

TRANSCRIPT: hi i'm stewart legere and this is my 8th thought. Well...thought 8.1. I cheated today and I have two. 8.1. what to do? go dancing, go to shows, see friends, go to things or get in the car and leave. go camping. visit my mom. find a lake. this feeling: when i'm in a city a need to be part of it compelled to get out, to sit in cafes, show up at events, be an active participant in the fray - not always central to the action, but a proud and present cog. conversely, when i'm in the country, or travelling far away from home, this feeling i could be happily absorbed into the green, or the blue, never to return to civilization sell it all - metaphorically (i don't have anything to sell) what is the word for that feeling? that pull in different directions? i know on some level, as a queer person, i want to be seen because i spent an unrefundable portion of my life unseen but what about that other, seemingly opposite thing? the desire to be absorbed? the undeniable suspicion i get when walking in a field, for example, that i could happily keep walking away and never look back? some days i long to be racing in the race and some days i want to be the man disappearing down the dusty dirt road and this is thought 8.2 i'm contemplating my inner voice today it always says you're right but here's what i'm thinking: that can't be true.