Students are preparing for difficult Thanksgiving conversations now

Several weeks ago, two board members from the Pre-Law Association at IU came to my office and asked if I could prepare a workshop for the group in late October. I generally say yes to these kinds of things, and I had done one last year for the group about building and maintaining personal networks. Yea, I know that sounds boring, but I deliver it with a great deal of charisma.

This year though, they had a real challenge for me. They wanted me to help them prepare for the inevitable and uncomfortable conversations they were predicting this Thanksgiving. Yes, they know. These are juniors and seniors in college, which means they were primarily juniors and seniors in high school four years ago. Most of them weren't old enough to vote in 2020, but they remember Thanksgiving that year.

I don't talk politics with my students. I teach speech, writing and advocacy. Politics is not part of the curriculum of any of my classes and it wouldn't endear me with students who agree with my viewpoint any way. Further, I wouldn't want to lose credibility with the students who disagree with my perspective, because contrary to popular belief, I want to teach them advanced communication skills just as much.

That clarification intensifies the request for me. What they needed was help having difficult conversations. Most do. But in my academic work, I am concerned that we aren't connecting enough at all. This concern comes from my belief that there is no better way to come to know a person than by having a real conversation with them.

Zara Abrams wrote about the research being done in the arena for the American Psychological Association last year. The opening of her article says it well: "Conversations hold immense power. They help us form new connections and deepen existing ones." That may not inspire a loud, "Amen!" from you, but it does from me.

And being a "loud" listener is one of the keys to a better conversation. Yes, I mean throwing out the occasional "amen" or "preach" to let your conversation partner know you're listening. But a simple and thoughtful "hmm," or an encouraging "mm-hmm," can be just as productive. Those gestures send valuable messages to your talking partner.

Listening, and showing that you are listening, is the key. And while being a loud listener is helpful, asking questions is gold. Nothing leads to conversational connections better than asking questions.

The problem with questions is that all questions aren't created equally.

Connect with Michael Leppert

Visit michaelleppert.com to read the full post and links to any resources or articles mentioned.

Twitter @michaelleppert 

Facebook at Michael Leppert