the birthday audit

it's my birthday. which used to mean cake and now mostly means a performance review nobody scheduled. somewhere along the way birthdays stopped being a celebration and became a deadline, and i show up every year to audit myself against a list i don't even remember writing.this week i get into the "by now i should have" list, why almost all of us keep one, and where the social clock actually comes from. i talk about pressing the pencil too hard, the woman you're losing to who got assembled out of the best parts of five different people and doesn't exist, and the courtroom in my head where i finally noticed there was never a judge. plus the realest stuff: leaving tampa, moving home at 22, walking away from the masters, and learning i'm not measured by what i can check off in a day. you're not behind. being behind would mean there's a front, and there isn't. you're on time because on time is whatever you decide it is. Live with care.