The Caregiver Grief Journey: Finding Yourself After a Lifetime of Giving

In this powerful episode of Grief 2 Growth, host Brian Smith sits down with Debbie Weiss—caregiver, best-selling author, and self-discovery advocate—whose life has been shaped by decades of giving. Caring for her father, son, and husband, Debbie’s journey is one of heartbreak, healing, and transformation. Her message is clear: You can still find yourself, even if you feel like you’ve lost everything. 🌻👩‍⚕️ 1. The Emotional Toll of Long-Term CaregivingDebbie’s caregiver grief journey began earlier than most. At just 17, her father had a massive stroke. By 21, she had taken full responsibility for his life—his healthcare, finances, housing, transportation, and emotional support. She continued in that role for over 30 years.Later, Debbie’s oldest son was diagnosed with autism, requiring her full attention and advocacy. And in the final chapter of her husband’s life, Debbie once again stepped into the role of full-time caregiver as he battled terminal cancer and mental illness.The pressure was constant. The emotional labor, unending.“I didn’t feel burdened at first. I felt proud. But over time, I grew to resent it. I was drained, and I was invisible to myself.”Her experience isn’t unique. Many caregivers live in survival mode for years, forgetting what it means to care for themselves. This is the heart of the caregiver grief journey—mourning the person you used to be while still trying to show up for everyone else.🕊️ 2. Understanding Anticipatory GriefCaregiving often brings with it a little-known form of grief: anticipatory grief. It’s what you feel when you’re losing someone slowly—when your loved one is still alive, but not the same.Debbie describes it as grieving her father while he was still physically here. She grieved the marriage she once had as her husband’s mental illness progressed. She grieved the life she imagined for her son.“These are losses no one talks about. You’re not crying at a funeral, but your heart is breaking every day.”Anticipatory grief is heavy because it’s invisible. Caregivers often feel confused, sad, and guilty all at once. They may not even realize they’re grieving—until the loss is complete.😔 3. When Relief and Guilt CoexistDebbie shared something most caregivers are afraid to admit: that sometimes, we wish the suffering would end—not just for the person we love, but for ourselves.“I remember thinking, how much longer can this go on? My kids can’t take it. I can’t take it. He’s suffering. And then I’d feel terrible for thinking that.”This emotional push-pull is part of the caregiver grief journey. Relief and guilt can exist together. You might feel thankful that your loved one’s pain is over—and still mourn their absence deeply.Grief isn’t just sadness. It’s complexity.And you’re not a bad person for feeling it all.✈️ 4. A Turning Point: “I Didn’t Know Who I Was”Everything changed for Debbie when she turned 50.At the urging of close friends, she took a rare weekend trip to Bermuda. It was the first time in decades she wasn’t responsible for anyone else.“It was the best 48 hours of my life. I realized I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I had been living for everyone else. I hadn’t shown up for me.”This awakening sparked a journey of self-discovery that would transform her life. It started with a decision to prioritize her health—and slowly, to reclaim her voice.🧠 5. From “I Can’t” to “Maybe I Can”Debbie had always been afraid to try new things. A self-described “scaredy cat,” her default answer was often no.“If someone asked me to ski, I’d say, I can’t. To craft? No, I’m not creative. But what if I just tried?”That mindset shift led to the title of her memoir: On Second Thought, Maybe I Can.She discovered that confidence doesn’t come before courage—it comes after we do the scary thing. And growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone.“Now, I always pause. I let myself say, ‘On second thought, maybe I can.’ And it’s changed everything.”✍️ 6. Writing Through Grief: Creating Her Memoir During Her Husband’s DeclineDebbie began writing her memoir during her husband’s final months.She initially hesitated—was it selfish to pursue something for herself? But her therapist encouraged it, reminding her that having something of her own would help her survive the coming storm.“It wasn’t easy. Sometimes I just stared at the screen. But it gave me something that was mine. A reason to get up.”She wrote in the hospital. In the quiet early mornings. In the stillness after the chaos.And after Gary passed away, she finished the final three chapters in the two weeks that followed.“The writing saved me. It was something to look forward to when everything else felt dark.”❤️ 7. The Guilt of Joy: Holding Space for Light During LossDebbie admits it felt strange to have something exciting happening during her grief.Publishing a book. Launching a heart-themed gift shop (A Sprinkle of Hearts).Even just laughing with friends.“I didn’t think I was allowed to feel joy. But life isn’t all one thing. You can have heartbreak and hope in the same breath.”This truth is one of the biggest lessons of the caregiver grief journey:It’s okay to be happy again.It’s okay to move forward.You’re not leaving them behind. You're carrying them with you.🎓 8. Becoming a Certified Trainer & Empowering OthersDebbie’s passion for personal growth led her to become a Canfield Certified Trainer in The Success Principles—a program created by Chicken Soup for the Soul author Jack Canfield.It gave her the tools to teach others how to break free from limitations and step into possibility.“I realized I’d been following a lot of these principles already. Now I could help others do the same.”From speaking engagements to podcasting (Maybe I Can Podcast), Debbie’s life now revolves around uplifting others. Her grief became fuel for her purpose.🛍️ 9. A Sprinkle of Hearts: A Dream RevivedIn college, Debbie found a shop that only sold heart-shaped items—and it lit her up.She swore one day she’d have her own “heart store.” Life got in the way—until 40 years later, in the final months of her husband’s life, the idea came back.She launched A Sprinkle of Hearts, an online shop with gifts and inspiration centered around love, color, and joy.“I made a childhood dream come true—during the hardest time of my life.”Her message? You can sprinkle joy into grief. You can make room for light.🌟 10. What You Can Learn From Debbie’s JourneyGrief doesn’t have to be the end of you.Caregiving doesn’t have to mean disappearing.Debbie’s story reminds us:* You’re allowed to feel multiple emotions at once.* You don’t need to know the whole path—just the next step.* Self-care is not selfish. It’s sacred.🔄 How to Start Reclaiming Yourself TodayIf you’re in the thick of caregiving or grief, here are some reflection prompts to begin your own journey:💭 Ask Yourself:* Who am I outside of my roles?* What’s one small thing I’ve always wanted to try?* What’s a boundary I can set to honor myself this week?* Where am I still saying “I can’t”... and could I say “maybe I can”?You don’t have to leap.You just have to take the next small step.🙌 Join the ConversationYou are not alone in your caregiver grief journey.Thousands of others are walking the same path—and rediscovering who they are along the way.👉 Share your story with us in the Grief 2 Growth community:grief2growth.com/communityLet your voice be heard. Let your healing begin. 💬📚 Learn More About Debbie Weiss🔗 Website: https://www.debbierweiss.com🛍️ Shop: https://www.asprinkleofhearts.com📘 Books:* On Second Thought, Maybe I Can* The Sprinkle Effect* Heart Whispers (co-author)🎧 Podcast: Maybe I CanTo receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe