The Mental Load Nobody Talks About: Women, Midlife and Letting Go with Kim Wensel

Here's what women in their 40s are telling me: Many of us have spent most of our lives being extremely good at anticipating what other people need. The invisible labor. The mental load. The emotional labor and management of everyone in the house. The creativity and ambition quietly moved to the back burner because you're also the most flexible person in the room. And somewhere in the accumulation of all that giving — the resentment, the exhaustion, the burnout, the being spread too thin — the question of what you actually want starts to feel almost impossible to answer. If you're navigating perimenopause symptoms, midlife overwhelm, or simply feeling like you've been managing everyone else's life but your own, this episode is for you. This is exactly what my guest Kim Wensel and I talk about in this episode of The 40 Portal podcast, a midlife women's wellness podcast for women over 40 who are done with people pleasing and ready to trust themselves again.Kim is a writer, strategist, East Coaster through and through, primary parent, and world traveler. She spent 40 years making decisions based on how she thought other people would respond. She's done: "It's not my job to convince anymore." This is what the decade of giving less actually looks like — not a slogan, just a woman learning to trust herself.In this conversation, Kim and Cath cover the long arc of their seven-year friendship, the impossible math of being the most flexible person in your house, desire in a 20-year relationship, what female friendship actually needs to look like right now, and why 40 might be the first age that actually feels like a blank slatr."Is this perimenopause, wanting to blow up my life, a bad day, or how I really feel? Who really knows."LINKSSubmit your voice to the portal: https://forms.gle/FpqHwYgZ1HBFK1kr5Follow the podcast on Substack: https://substack.com/@the40portalJune retreat application: https://forms.gle/WbWLniPEqbhGKg699Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The40PortalFind Kim: kimwensel.comABOUT KIMKim Wensel is a writer, strategist, and community builder focused on helping high-achieving women navigate the messy middle of growth, career pivots, and identity shifts. Her work explores how ambition and humanity can coexist without burnout or self-abandonment — and why range is a leadership advantage. Her first book, The Multi-Hyphenate Advantage, will be released in spring 2026. Part memoir, part personal development guide, it's for every woman who's good at many things and trying to figure out what's next. Kim is the creative director of The Bench Magazine and host of the podcast Why Is Nobody Talking About This? She lives in Pittsburgh with her family, volunteers as a driver for Meals on Wheels, and serves on the board of the Peters Township Public Library Foundation.