The Republic of Restrooms: A Meditation on Our Aging Political Class

The Republic of Restrooms: A Meditation on Our Aging Political Class“The only time I don’t have to go to the bathroom is when I’m using the bath room”That’s a quote from 80 year old comedian the wonderful Steve Martin, I was lucky enough to see he and Martin Short recently on stage live. I recommend you see these two greats touring if you can. Now lets get down to businessThere comes a moment in every great nation’s journey when it must ask itself a sacred, uncomfortable question:Should the federal government be led by people who seem to spend more time looking for the nearest restroom than looking for the nearest solution?Now, before the torches and pitchforks come out—yes, ageism is a moral failing, and yes, wisdom blossoms beautifully in later life. But wisdom, like roses, can be sporadic; the petals thin, the thorns stubborn. And in Washington, as we watch the nation’s elders shuffle through the marbled corridors of power, one realizes that only a rare few octogenarians remain nimble enough to shepherd a world on fire.Let us name them, lovingly, mischievously, and with all due respect to the Great Clock that chases us all.Former President Joe Biden, 83The man is older than microwave ovens, color television, and the credit card. When Air Force One lands, we do not ask whether Biden is ready for negotiations—we ask whether anyone remembered to pack the Metamucil. And yet, in some moments, the Irish fighter reappears, determined to stare down time itself like a stubborn old lighthouse refusing to dim.Soon to be former President Donald Trump, 79Trump, who insists he is “strong like bull,” stands just one sturdy cheeseburger away from becoming a uniquely American monument. If Biden is Grandpa Amtrak, Trump is Grandpa Casino: loud, glittering, and somehow always wandering off. A man who can rant for two hours but might struggle to find the White House bathroom without a Secret Service escort.Senator Mitch McConnell, 83A statesman whose pauses—those long, cosmic freezes—have become national Rorschach tests. Is he thinking deeply? Is he buffering? Is he communing with the spirits of appropriations past? Whatever the answer, McConnell remains a reminder that Washington is often ruled by the world’s most determined senior citizens.Representative Nancy Pelosi, 85A legend. A force. A vote-wrangling savant whose tactical brilliance mocks the stereotypes of age. She could negotiate a ceasefire while wearing a couture blazer and sipping a cappuccino. And yet you can feel, deep in her impeccable posture, the dream of a quiet retirement in California calling to her like the sea.Senator Chuck Schumer, 74 (with a special guest appearance by “Colonel Sanders”)Ah, Chuck Schumer — forever hunched, forever squinting, forever looking as though he misplaced not only his reading glasses but also the nation’s patience. At 74, he moves through the Capitol like a man trying to mentally recite both the legislative calendar and the location of the nearest men’s room. He embodies Democratic anxiety itself: eyebrows knitted, suit slightly rumpled, a walking portrait of well-meaning exasperation.And just when Washington couldn’t feel any older or more surreal, in waddles — not Cornell West, not Colonel Sanders, but some cosmic mash-up of both — preaching justice with a bucket of theoretical policy chicken no one asked for. Together they form a kind of vaudeville duo: Chuck with his eternal worried-senator energy, and Colonel Sanders with his mythical blend of eleven herbs, spices, and legislative confusion. It’s the political version of a fever dream, or perhaps a late-night infomercial America forgot it ordered.Clap on clap offSenator Bernie Sanders, 84The volcanic prophet of democratic socialism, forever looking like he just sprinted from an argument about prescription drug prices. Bernie is aging like a noble protest sign: battered, weathered, but increasingly iconic. You suspect he will be shouting about billionaires long after the rest of us have become cosmic dust. Senator Chuck Grassley, 92Ninety-two! It must be said with reverence, awe, and a faint suspicion that he may in fact be a corn deity in human form. Grassley still walks, tweets, legislates, and endures. He is proof that not all nonagenarians need help — but one cannot help noticing he is a statistical outlier, not a succession plan.The Bottom LineAge itself is not the enemy.The problem is pretending that every old politician is still in the prime of their powers simply because they wear a flag pin and command a motorcade.Wisdom does accumulate with the years—but so does fatigue. And stiffness. And the irresistible gravitational pull of the nearest restroom.A just society must honor its elders, not imprison the future beneath them. The nation deserves leaders sharp enough to read a briefing without magnifiers the size of dinner plates, nimble enough to digest information faster than their fiber supplements.We must love our aging statesmen. Respect them. Cherish their contributions.But we must also stop pretending they are all destined to be Jedi Masters. Most are just tired.And that’s okay.The Republic needs renewal, not denial. Leadership, not longevity. A torch passed—not pried from the hands of those who no longer wish to carry it, except that no one else in their party will let them put it down.That’s the Mindchime for today. I’m Carl Cimini. Thank you for reading, thank you for caring, and if this made you laugh, rage, or simply nod in weary recognition, then share it, like it, subscribe to it — amplify it. Democracy isn’t a spectator sport.All Good to you… and keep reading.Carl’s Mind Chimes Magazine is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mindchimesmagazine.substack.com/subscribe