The Role of Disagreement in Healthy Communication

On this episode of The Secrets of Being Podcast, I’m honored to welcome Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a clinical psychologist, media contributor, and best-selling author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety and Can I Say That? Why Freedom of Speech Matters and How to Use it Fearlessly. From the beginning, I knew this conversation could go in so many directions because it touches on two things I care deeply about, which are speaking your truth and learning how to work with anxiety instead of feeling ruled by it.I open with a Dr. Seuss quote that feels just as relevant for adults as it does for children, because we are living in a time where so many people feel divided, afraid to speak, or unsure how to disagree without losing connection. Dr. Chloe shares how her book Can I Say That? came from her own experiences of self-censorship, beginning in college and continuing through her doctoral training and career. She explains how often she felt pressured to smile and nod, even when something did not feel fully scientific or fully honest, because speaking up could cost her opportunities, professional relationships, or public approval.Then COVID became the turning point. Dr. Chloe shares how a decision involving her young son and masking brought her to a moment where she felt she could not stay silent anymore. She speaks candidly about backlash, the clarity that came from finally having real conversations, and the emotional relief that followed. We talk about how speaking up can sharpen your thinking, strengthen your social support, and help you discover who your real people are.One of the most valuable parts of this episode is our discussion about how to disagree agreeably, especially in families, relationships, workplaces, and communities. Dr. Chloe explains reflective listening and why slowing down the conversation can lower agitation and increase understanding. She also speaks to people pleasing and the hidden stress of performing agreement just to keep the peace. This episode is a reminder that a real safe space is one that can withstand respectful conflict, not one where everyone stays silent.We also go deeper into the mind-body side of what happens when we do not speak our truth. Dr. Chloe explains how naming emotions can decrease amygdala activity, reduce fear responses, and help the nervous system regulate. We talk about how bottling things up increases stress and can lead to anxiety, passive aggression, or emotional overwhelm. From there, we connect the conversation to her book Nervous Energy and the idea that anxiety has a healthy function. Dr. Chloe shares that anxiety is designed to stimulate preparation behaviors, and that the goal is not always to calm down first, but to take clear, practical steps that address what is creating the anxiety.This episode offers tools, language, and a deeper understanding of how truth-telling, emotional awareness, and nervous system regulation work together. If you have ever felt afraid to speak up, unsure how to handle conflict, or exhausted from holding everything in, this conversation will meet you with both compassion and strategy.With love,DawnP.s. You can connect with Dr. Chloe here: https://www.drchloe.com/