The Wild Cards Go Live

This week's episode of Wild Card Puckett is brought to you by Wild Cards Go Live. The Wild Cards go, wait, what? What? As in, like, there are people?

You're amazing. That's gotta be a joke, right? No, no, don't. There's anyone that actually came to life.

Oh my god, there's not a song. It's not only a moron. Like, the lowest level of money. They're listening to you right now.

What? There are people out there listening to you two idiots right now. No, the only people right now. The only people that we are people who come to see us live.

They gave money to be out there. They're out there right now. Money? Oh, guys.

The Wild Cards go live. The day because we do this. I'm so sorry. Oh, yeah, that's shouldn't be playing yet, actually.

That's... Hey, did you have to play any music already? I mean, that's... All right.

All right. Sorry. Oh, it's actually you. Oh, it's actually you.

No, of course. I had not heard this yet. You got to say it's not. It's still playing.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's still playing.

Okay. I don't know if I should start talking or the next music's going to play but welcome to The Wild Card podcast. I'm your host J AREitating and my co-pilets on this Journey to Wherever, my good friends, Jeff Curtis and the Man with a perfect face for podcasting, Ron Blair. It was my dad who went in.

No one else would care that we're doing. I mean I care that somebody brought it. I just don't. Oh, hey, this thing is a simile.

Oh, I'm going to eat. I'm just going to take my hand in it. You put it on the wrong side of the mic stand. No, she doesn't.

No, perfect. Oh, we're doing a show? Oh, we got some. OK.

I just want to point out. There's two of them. There's two of them. OK, let me clear this thing up right now.

OK. Before you do that, please. Yes, I do. Thank you.

Welcome to Wednes, like when we actually record a podcast. Yeah. Except we're wearing pants now. I'm not.

I'm always wearing pants. I'm never wearing pants. OK, so I was at work the other day. And this lady who had seen me in a few shows, excuse me, I have banana bread.

I just took my hand in it. I don't care. Stick your hand and give me some. No, yeah, cut them up while I tell the story.

So I'm at work. And she comes out and she goes, you know my friends that I came to see Jesus Christ, super sorry, what's up with you? I'm at mess. I said, yeah.

And she goes, she wanted, they wanted me to tell you you were so good in the Hunchback of Notre Dame. And I was like, I wasn't in the Hunchback of Notre Dame. And she goes, no, you had something to do with it. No, I was at home during the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

And she goes, but, but, and then she continued to argue with me about whether I was in a show as if I weren't aware that I didn't spend two and a half months not doing a show. I don't think that was a sentence. I said there's a guy that looks exactly like me. He was in the show.

He was a friend of mine. And so now I'm on a crusade to separate our identities because he keeps getting people going, you were, you were so mediocre in Fiddler on the Roof. You know, people tell me I was great at Fiddler on the Roof. They don't think I was mediocre.

They know I was great. It was for me, it was like an out of all the experience. I was as if I wasn't even there. I thought it was.

But I walked it. You did. You did a great job in Fiddler on the Roof from what I heard. I was in Buffalo at the time.

Actually, remember doing Jesus Christ. I remember all these memories. But it's like I don't remember performing. I was like, you were watching yourself.

Yeah, I understand how that is. I never get confused for these two guys. I don't know if that's, but I do have, I think, I think God's got like this default setting as for me creates people and you're like, adjust as necessary for everyone's. Yeah, I think we're created on the, on the lazy week.

But I think I'm the default. Like I think he didn't give us a few people. People always are like, you look like this guy who, and it's someone different every time. Right.

And sometimes I think people are, because I was going through a long John's ever's drive through once. Yeah. That's my favorite. Because I make good life decisions.

And guys like, oh, you look like someone like, oh, okay. Someone, you know, like, no, this dude, um, and he was describing movies because people aren't going to remember names. Right. And the person he was thinking of was Russell Crowe.

No, no, no. Really? I don't find it funny. Don't find it all.

I know. A lot of times people are like, Russell Crowe. Are there other Russell Crowe? Yeah.

His cousin was a brother's when he was thinking. No, no, I don't know. So this is the Mollie Card podcast. And this is what we do.

Yes. We're glad you're here. Thank you so much for joining us. I can't see any of you, but I know that there are some, I think it might be Mannequins.

And like a laugh track that Wendy's playing occasionally. While we were in the dressing room they came out and set up. Yeah. It's like I've seen it home alone.

We've got the little things dancing. Yeah. That's probably it. One thing we like to do here to try to scare off as many people as possible quickly.

We have to go to you, make us. I make you go. So I ask questions and you guys answer them. Right.

Because we're the guys you want to ask questions. You know what I'm asking. These are the main up. So the question of the day is a little abstract.

Okay. So I could say Harry Potter. I love the Harry Potter stories. Right.

And so when I. You're now. You're slithering. You're at least a slithering.

You're going. You're clearly not. You're a big fucking bully. I resent that.

I am not very large. That's true. Most of the other things you said were correct. See I see myself.

I feel like the sorting hat. I bet right now you look like now. Certainly could not fit around it by Jeff and I. It's fair.

The sorting hat would be like sitting on my head because my head is huge. Right. And he would say Ravenclaw would be like hold up. How about Griffin door and he'd be like.

Ravenclaw. Go fuck yourself Jared. Right. So I could sit on myself as like Lupin is that when my favorite character is not.

Oh yeah. Is that so? Yeah. What's wrong with that?

Well. He's a werewolf. Oh he's a werewolf. He's a fucking there.

Right. Yes yes. Oh hold hold hold. My favorite candy.

My favorite candy. These are our favorite candies. I would just like to point out. I started with him and he would have to work in his own silver mine.

That's messed up. I would pay myself very generously. That's true. So that's just like that's one example of a fictional universe and kind of how I could possibly fit into it.

Mmm. Alright. I've been thinking about this. Do you want to go?

No. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Right. You answer for me and I'll just sit here and ask. Ron, Ron's the first universe would be. And done.

Sex Olympics, but right. Right. Hand of our merits, excellent. Gosh.

That's the throwback. Could I start? I'd rather forget. Lord of the Rings will be my fictional universe.

You're too tall to be a dwarf. No, I would not. He'd be the tallest dwarf. He'd be the tallest dwarf.

He'd be the tallest dwarf. It's like the littlest giant. No one would acknowledge it. No one would make it.

No one would make it. He'd be like, oh, yeah, he's our friend. Yeah, we'll go to the front of the right. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you see yourself as an other dwarf? No, I just... Gandalf?

Are you Gandalf? No, I'm freaking out. I'm becoming Jeff the White. He's going to be Jeff the White.

You know what? I love how this candy is. My nose clears up. It's how you know it's good candy.

You know what's that? It's healthy. You have a fictional universe? I feel like Ron.

I live in my fictional universe. I am my favorite fictional universe. And I fit directly off center. Yep.

That's why everything around me is twisted a little bit. No. No. No.

I don't know how to adjust to this. I don't know. Name some universes and I'll tell you whether I fit in. Oh.

Yeah. Name some. You name two and I don't fit neither of those. You don't think you fit?

I could be fat Harry Potter. And that one. I would watch that. I would watch that.

That's yours. Let's go universe. No. No.

How would you do in Walking Dead? No, I'd be fine. You've got to make some zombies. Because if it moves I'm going to shoot it.

That's a dangerous attitude plus if you shoot. If it shoots me, I know who to trust, don't I? Here's the thing that you should know being a horror fan. If you shoot, you draw the zombies.

Oh, yeah. I'm going to shoot a few times ahead and accept it. What's some other universes? I don't like that.

Sorry wars. Yeah. All right. That's probably, hold on.

Is Indiana Jones a universe? Actually, I guess. Wait, wait, wait. I've got the John Williams universe.

No. Yeah, I'm totally there. I'm a 12 year old girl. The one 12 year old girl every story that John Williams is or not.

You frightening most of the time. I'm like it. I'm probably should. Yeah.

Yeah. We'll go with that. You're a 12 year old. What a bull shit fucking question.

What else do we have? I'm staying here for a crucial universe without like the stand. How would you even say you'd dive the virus? No.

I've got to release the virus. Do you know how I treat my body anyway? It's a native fucking iron. Oh, is that.

I'm saying the fact that I'm still alive. The fact that I'm still alive I had 44 as a goddamn miracle. I'm surprised the government hasn't, like, taken me out like E.T. and wanted to dissect me.

Why is he still alive? I'm kind of surprised me. I'm kind of surprised me. Someone just hasn't taken you out back here.

That's true. That's true. No. The government comes every Tuesday night.

Leave $5. Do you know when it's done. No complaints because I get $5. getting paid for?

I think you know what I'm getting paid for. Oh yeah, the computer. Yeah, it's probably best not to ask. If you've ever listened to an episode of Wonka Podcast, you make poor life decisions also.

Yeah, most likely. What we do is, I guess we just said, yeah, we just talk. Typically someone will bring a report or facilitated discussion about nothing important. And today that's Jeff.

That's Jeff. Today's Jeff's day. And if you've listened to more than one of our podcasts, hopefully for Jeff episode because they're my favorite. I've actually dedicated myself to behave today.

I'm at first. I don't mean first episode of the podcast. I mean, right. Yeah, I'm gonna try to be a polite.

Jeff has done some research. I mean here, whatever boring story. He has told us that this rivals the swashbuckling episode that was a good episode of the mutiny on the bounty. Breadfruit came from that episode.

Breadfruit bread bread. That must be this. Mona and fruit. Bread, and bread, and can you confirm that?

She plucked it from a breadfruit. Yeah, absolutely. Breadfruit. Yeah.

We're here to educate. And enlightened. The last thing we want to do is entertain, but for some reason, people find our comfoolery funny. Because they're like, I'm so glad I'm not those guys.

You should try some of the root beer with the halls. Oh, mmm. Mmm. Delicious right there.

No. Can delicious. I do things. Yeah, I know.

I'm impressed that you knew that word. I know the best words. I don't think you do the show. If you think I put on my own pants, you're fucking lunatic.

I'll explain to you. We have to help people in your pants earlier. Exactly. Okay.

I was like, I was like, I'm not going to be the second one. I'm not going to be the second one. You'll need it. So Jeff is going to be taking the reins of this.

He's going to try his best to tell you a story. We'll see how that goes. We'll see how it goes. Challenge?

Have you been there? Have we met? Remember when you did some of the past and you tell us where we're at in the wrong eye? Consulate make jokes?

Not good ones. Like I'm not pretending. Like it's funny. Are you sure I was there?

No. I was there? To be honest, I'm not sure you were there. It might have been here.

I was there. I was there. I was there. I was there.

I was there. I was there. Do you know what I like to do? The other guys don't usually follow us.

I like to ask the question. Do you have a question? Oh, I have a question. You have a question for us.

Okay. Yes, I do. Don't even the fuckers answer it. I hope I'm pointing it to someone I can't tell.

There's a light. There's a light. There's a light. There's a light.

There's a light. There's a halo around somebody said. Like she deserves a halo. I do.

All right. What? What? What?

Do you? Here's my question. Jeff's been out. You spat so much.

I know. I know. Do you know how much I have in mind right now? I don't.

What are you going to do? Are you ready for the question? Are you going to keep talking? Jeff, this is your episode.

So just start. All right. This guy over here. This guy.

We, this show would be 15 minutes. We'll get shot at the point. Okay. I'm ready.

You ready? Slabbing. I'm ready. All right.

I don't know what you fools are waiting for. No. Only live. No.

What do you think that you could endure in order to survive in a dangerous and difficult situation? Let me ask you this. Is the reward just life? Yes.

I can find a werewolf. You. Okay. I do that.

I do that. Well then both of you would die if you didn't know that we're talking about. You can't find a werewolf you're not going to win against a werewolf. I have to find a win.

Oh where? You don't live. You don't live through. He tears you apart.

If I become a werewolf I've lived. Okay. If you don't normally carry around silver on you. You get gay.

You don't have any silver on you. Then it's good. I don't care where you run or where you hide or how much you think you can punch you in the mouth. You're going to die.

That's the thing about a werewolf. It smells you and that's your ass. I agree with this. You got nothing.

You got nothing. Goddamn werewolf thing. Alright. Do you think you can bring something?

Do you feel like we sufficiently answer the question? I don't believe you did but I'm not going to go here. I get a good idea. What we can do.

See this is what I want you guys to recognize. I will interrupt all night but I'll still have an idea what's going on. Whereas Ron isn't sure where he is right now. So I feel like I should have my toe and the world is ending.

Right. And Ron I know from experience that when Ron is sick it doesn't go well. Okay. Now see last year there was a strain of flu that went around that was like Captain Trips.

And Jeff had it before I did yes it was a lot like Captain Trips. Just because you guys were making out during a company that doesn't count. Well fair enough. No.

I mean what kind of world am I living after I endure this horrible thing? What do I have to endure? What do you have? What are you going anyway?

I don't know. Let's say you can tell me whether you I'll tell you my story. Yeah. You can tell me whether you would survive.

Would I go through is it would I willingly go through this or could I survive? Ron you are too stubborn to do. The question is how much horrible things can you endure in order to stay alive. Like mentally or physically.

Yes. Yeah all of them. I mean if it doesn't kill me then all of it. Doesn't kill me.

It makes you strong. Alright. I don't know. Tell Larson.

Obviously. So today we're going to be talking about Ernest Shackleton. I've seen Ernest Shackleton. Ernest Shackleton.

Ernest Shackleton. Ernest Shackleton. Oh, Ernest Shackleton. Oh, Ernest Shackleton.

Yeah. He's the guy. Right. No.

No. He was alive in the 50s. No. He lived in the 40s.

No. In the 30s. No. In the 60s.

No. Last week. No. He didn't survive anyway.

Yeah. How are we impressed with this guy? He survived what I'm going to talk about. But I said 1915, and I remember wrong.

But I said 1915. No. I think we're going to have to re-listen to it. Alright.

Well, back to the term. But I was wrong. Alright. For those of you who are listening.

Wait, what? In 1914. Ernest Shackleton led an expedition to the South Pole. We know how these expeditions go.

We've done enough of these episodes. I saw Alien versus Predator. I know this and it didn't make it. Great.

Great. Let me ask you this before or after Falconeville and on his way back. He made it and he got beamed back from the post. Scott died because when he supplies out low and he reached the point of no return where he could have got back alive but not make it to the south pole.

He chose to go to the south pole and then he died on the way back. He ran around a breeder. He ran around a breeder. He ran around a breeder.

There was this asshole like at a post about what? Gary was at an outpost. Not far from where Falcon Scott was and when they said should he want us to go put supplies at this outpost, the guy said no. The commander at the time said no and that's why Scott died.

Did he go into that outpost? He did Falcon Punch it. Okay. Into the giant.

But yeah, I believe Scott, he may have had one member of his team and I can't remember the name that would not have survived because he had his head on the crevasse and it was hemorrhaging and he would have died anyway and the surgeon may not have died. But what about this or any guy? We're not here to talk about Falcon Scott. Maybe you have your own podcast that you would like to leave.

Fuck about this. I don't want to do this anymore. Well, Japleton had traveled with Scott in 1901 on one of his attempts to make it to the south pole. He was the asshole.

He was the asshole that didn't send it because he was like, I'm going to the south pole. Why did they got died in 1911? Stop blaming him. Serious question.

Why would you go to the south pole? That's not where Santa Claus is. It was nationalism at the time. They were like, we're going to make it to Denmark.

We're not even going to the Washington National. We're not going to the Washington National. No, I understand. There were very few places on earth that hadn't been explored by human beings.

They were trying to explore the south pole. The south pole up until Amundsen made it. Hadn't no human that made it there. So someone wanted to be able to do it.

So to clean discovery, do you have to do a duck face selfie there? Is that how they did that? I think that's how they did it. Well, it wasn't a duck face selfie, but they brought an artist with him.

And then they threw it and they were like, it's so cold. Stop shaking. You're fucking off the picture. I've got 22 pages here and I'm wearing page one.

We've only been doing this for like 10 minutes. You should really get to work. Yeah, come on, Jeff. Step it up.

We're not here all night. Aren't we? Yeah, I guess we're in this hell forever. Okay.

So, Shackleton's plan was to cross the continent, the continent, the Arctic continent. You wanted to cross the whole thing? Yes, the whole thing. After all these people died, he was like, well, I'm going to go to where they died.

I know twice that. I'm going to step over the dead by it. Yeah, there's no way in just going to the top pole anymore because it's already been discovered. So he was going to go through the south pole and to the other side of the continent and get picked up on the other side.

He broke up to the other side because the day was destroying the night. The night destroys the day. Yeah. So anyway, they left England a few days after World War I had started.

I doubt it. I doubt it. They had been planning this expedition for a couple years. And before he left, he photographed the war office to ask if they wanted them to cancel their trip and use the ship and all the supplies and stuff for the war effort.

Hold on, before you research this, did you check out Snopes first? What? Because I don't think this happened. I think this is an urban legend.

Did you bring the body to show us? This is not an urgent legend because I've been reading about it for years. Yeah, but Snopes has been a website for years. It hasn't been a website for years.

I read a book about this before the internet existed wrong. Well, then it can't be true. For Iron Benedict. For Iron Benedict.

I thought I wore it in the internet. Yeah, I taught him how to do it. What's happening over here? Anyway, so, I don't even remember where I saw it.

But anyway, so they were going to, they were going to go in and go in and join us. And Winston Churchill, who was the... It was obviously not a lie. It was obviously not a lie.

He said them as one word, a one word response which was to proceed with the mission. No, it is that proceed, but it meant proceed with the mission. Proceed with the mission. Proceed and the guy got confused.

And this is where it all went wrong. And he found India, right? And it was... Okay.

It was just supposed to be a three hour tour. A three hour tour? But the weather started getting off. The weather outside was frightful.

The Australian polar pioneers, Sir Hubert Wilkins. That was not his name. That's what polar pops came from. I've heard of it.

It was Stim and Winston who was like, Winston Churchill, I'll put it all into a stick. That's a whole banana. You're wasting banana. Don't waste banana, Rob.

Go ahead. Show them my arms. Sir Hubert Wilkins. No, no, no, no.

Who was a polar pioneer himself? Describe Shackleton as the greatest polar explorer of all of them. Of all of them. The people have never done before.

Certainly the first. No. So he said, this is quoting Wilkins. For scientific and geographical piece of organization, give me stuff.

For the actual poll and nothing else, Amundsen. And if I'm in the devil poll and what to get out of it, give me Shackleton. Give me a rope. I'll end it now.

All right. So the... No, no, no. Relevant?

The vote that they left on was called the Endurance. Oh, the end of this. Yeah, now you've heard of it. I sailed on the Endurance.

That's where I was a cabin boy. You with one of the other 28 people on board this ship? I was 12 years old. I was like, they don't write about the cabin boys.

I was on it though. You were 12 years old in 1914. Yeah. Yeah.

Give or take. Give or take. Give or take. So anyway, they had a crew of 28 and they had some...

29. And 70 sled dogs and one cat. You know, cats are pissy all the time. I love cats.

I mean, I have two of them. I... They're great, but I'm not taking on a boat or anywhere. What if you needed comfort?

So the end of it all can't provide. You can't call them your eyes out. That's what cats do. If that's comforting, you can...

Well, you know. No, I don't. I don't know. That's about the cat.

Go ahead. What about the cat? Nothing to say about the cat. What was the name of the cat?

Snuggles. I thought you researched this. Sounds like he's bullshiting this together. The cat had a name.

I didn't care about the cat. So I didn't learn the name. Okay, so I didn't know what you want to know about. I'll tell you what we want to know.

When we get through the point, where something happens to the cat. Oh, something happened to the cat. Oh, yes. I'll skip that far.

I bet it's good. The endurance was a 300 ton reinforced wood-holed vessel. It was 144 feet long and 25 feet wide. It was powered by both steam and sales.

That's funny because we're powered by steam and sales. Steam and sales. It had three lightbeats. It reached South Door to Island on December 4, 1914.

Which was 1944? 1914. The real adventure starts. No, I was listening.

I'm sorry. On December 4, 1914, they reached South Door to Island. Which is a way. The way they do it.

People already found Georgia. What's the wailing side in the Ant Arteges? The last outpost of the International. There are whales on the island.

There are whales on the island. Under the island. Where did they? From the Inuits.

The Inuits were down there. No. The penguins. It's in Georgia.

There was a walrus. I am the walrus. I am the walrus. Wailing ships were down there hunting whales.

So what happened to the people on the wailing ships? The cat was hunting whales. They said that in South Door down. I think they were going to be good.

I did. I made that promise. I did not. They said this was going on in Shackleford.

He's like. Shackleford! I think as a Shackleton, Shackleford is like, it's over there. Look.

There's a man on the ice. It must be a scientist, and they picked him up and it was Dr. Frank and Simon. I created him instead.