This is Healing — Love, Loss and Psilocybin

For those of you new here, this is my story. Since June 4th, when my husband Patrick was murdered, everything I say carries that date inside of it. This podcast is about grief — not as an idea, but as a body-experience, a descent, a work.In this episode, I take you inside a psilocybin journey at the three-month mark of loss. What unfolded wasn’t abstract “tripping.” It was a ritual. A witnessing. A confrontation with love and grief braided so tightly they could not be separated.We talk about:The difference between coping and capacity — and why grief demands more than survival.How psilocybin works on the brain: what happens when the default mode network goes quiet and your protectors step aside.The descent into the underworld: reunion with Patrick, meeting our daughter Elizabeth, the midwife who doula’d me through both birth and burial.The Four Chambers of grief: Mother, Child, Bride/Wife, Community — and what it means to “lay to rest” without erasing.The shamanic frame that holds this work: serpent, jaguar, hummingbird, eagle; stones as carriers of what the body cannot metabolize; the underworld as the place of exchange between the living and the dead.Witnessing Patrick’s brothers’ pain, and why their grief mattered to my own healing.Patrick’s legacy: the law of love, the Queen and the Warrior, and his gift of teaching people to believe in themselves.Trauma and the body: why awareness isn’t enough, and how EMDR becomes the bridge for release.Integration: the shift from Bride to Matriarch, from certainty to mystery.This is not a story of being “healed.” It’s the story of surviving the fire, of being witnessed, of realizing that grief is not exile but initiation.