unter den Leben, part 2

I could see the only reason this woman’s home above ground had any feeling of life to it at all was because she brought it there. She made it that way, with her own warmth. The muted yellow, I knew also – in the light and the air, as much as the very material of the building – was more densely present down there, below, where little could be seen. It was something beyond life. Up here, at the top, I could only get a sense of it subtly, at its diffuse edges. Moreover, I knew that this yellow vaporousness, this old spirit, wasn’t only about the bunker, but it was central to who I was in this life. It came from the depths, and the person and character who I recognized myself as now was likewise suffused with it, and it determined so much of what I did and how I approached living now. It seemed to explain so much. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit briancshort.substack.com