When Helping Others Is Driven by the Need to Be Needed

Pastors and ministry leaders often carry more than they realize. As they walk alongside people facing addiction, grief, trauma, and loss, the weight of those stories can quietly accumulate—leading to exhaustion, blurred boundaries, and burnout. In this compelling highlight from our longer conversation, guest Bethany Dearborn Hiser joins host Jason Daye to explore the often-overlooked reality of secondary trauma in ministry and the healing that begins when leaders finally acknowledge its impact.Bethany shares from her own journey of recovery, naming how codependency, workaholism, and misplaced responsibility for others’ wellbeing can entangle a leader’s identity and health. Drawing on insights from recovery communities and her book From Burned Out to Beloved, she explains why the first step toward healing is a courageous admission: we’re not okay—and we can’t do this alone.Together, Bethany and Jason unpack how ministry leaders can engage people with empathy without becoming consumed by their pain. They discuss the importance of healthy separation, examining inner motivations, and building intentional networks of support through spiritual direction, therapy, and trusted community.The conversation also addresses the deep identity struggle many pastors face—when worth and value become tied to productivity, success, or helping others. Bethany offers a different vision: rooting identity in being beloved, not useful. Through spiritual practices like welcoming prayer, slowing down, and cultivating rhythms of rest, leaders can reconnect with God’s love and serve from a grounded, healthy place rather than guilt, shame, or the need to be needed.This conversation is a must-watch for:Pastors and ministry leaders carrying the emotional weight of others’ traumaLeaders experiencing burnout, compassion fatigue, or blurred boundariesThose serving in recovery, care, or crisis-centered ministriesAnyone seeking healthier, Christ-centered rhythms of leadership and restKey Topics Discussed:What secondary trauma looks like in pastoral ministryRecovery as a framework for healing ministry leadersWorkaholism and unhealthy motivations in serviceWhy identity rooted in “what we do” leads to burnoutBeing grounded as God’s beloved, not defined by outcomesSpiritual practices that foster healing, rest, and resilienceLooking to dig more deeply into this topic and conversation? FrontStage BackStage is much more than another church leadership show, it is a complete resource to help you and your ministry leaders grow. Every week we go the extra mile and create a free toolkit so you and your ministry team can dive deeper into the topic that is discussed.Visit http://PastorServe.org/network to find the Weekly Toolkit, including the Ministry Leaders Growth Guide. Our team pulls key insights and quotes from every conversation with our guests. We also create engaging questions for you and your team to consider and process, providing space for you to reflect on how each episode's topic relates to your unique church context. Use these questions in your staff meetings, or other settings, to guide your conversation as you invest in the growth of your ministry leaders.Love well, live well, & lead wellComplimentary Coaching Session for Pastors http://PastorServe.org/freesessionFollow PastorServe LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram | FacebookConnect with Jason Daye LinkedIn | Instagram...