Why Women Are Running on Empty and How Saying No Can Change Everything

Summary:Are you exhausted from carrying the invisible burdens of household and emotional labor without recognition? In this episode, Heather England dives deep into the societal expectations placed on women, the true cost of mental load, and practical steps to reclaim your agency and voice.Key Topics:The origins of the mental load and how it’s patterned from childhood experiencesThe list of invisible tasks women manage daily—from household chores to emotional laborThe impact of the mental load on women’s physical and emotional healthWhy helping is not enough; emphasizing ownership and responsibility in partnershipsThe project management perspective as a tool for sharing responsibilitiesThe importance of saying "no" and outsourcing tasks that drain your energyHow societal expectations shape women’s roles before they even realize itThe significance of having honest conversations with your partner about responsibilityPractical steps for women to start using their voice and set boundariesThe ongoing need for women to prioritize themselves without guilt or apologyConnect with Dr. Heather England:WebsiteLinkedInSubstack (A Midlife Reckoning)WorkshopsResource PageSubmit a Podcast TopicResourcesThe Piggy Book by Anthony BrownTime Stamps00:00 - Introduction to the unchosen hats women wear and mental load00:16 - Heather’s background and the purpose of the episode00:46 - The societal role model observed in the 70s and its lasting effects1:13 - Personal story of growing up with the same expectations2:09 - The societal expectations and invisible chores women carry3:07 - Specific responsibilities women often manage daily4:03 - How the mental load costs women more than just effort4:33 - Challenging the perception of help versus ownership5:00 - The project management analogy for household responsibilities5:57 - The invisibility of women’s work and societal denial6:26 - Exhaustion and its effects on intimacy and desire7:25 - The fatigue as a bandwidth issue, not a libido problem8:23 - The importance of mental and emotional space for intimacy9:15 - Introduction to "The Piggy Book" as a metaphor for shared responsibilities10:10 - How women need to reclaim time for themselves11:09 - Having honest conversations with partners about responsibility12:36 - Starting small: saying no and outsourcing tasks13:31 - Personal example of outsourcing household chores14:01 - Reclaiming agency and the importance of unapologetic self-prioritization14:37 - The message of deserving more and creating boundaries15:21 - Final encouragement for women to use their voice loudly15:48 - Subscription, sharing, and connecting16:14 - Disclaimer on medical advice and encouragement to seek professional helpNote: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be therapy or medical advice.