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BDO. Do more together. Money. It isn't just money.
It's your freedom or your rent, then your education. It can't be the difference between confidence and anxiety. And it's why RBC is built for real life. Because we've got real people.
We offer real support. Because your money isn't the whole story. You are. Your idea of banking that's personal happens here.
RBC. Ideas happen here. Are we in the cold open right now? We're in the show right now.
Okay, so the cold open is right now. We're about to do our first show. That's our first live show. What should we let people look pray to the podcast God?
Okay, pray to the podcast God. What's what's what's what's what's what's him or her? It's all of them. So it's a day.
It's everything. It's everything. Everybody. We're all inclusive.
Okay, what's the prayer? And the prayer is please Lord Pod. Pod. Pod person.
Please shine your happy, funny, light, lovely light on our stupid, stupid idea to go live with this pod. And and welcome to the smartless. Washington DC, thank you for having us. Thank you for having us.
And please above all things, manage your expectations. Yes. Because this was really, you know, kind of a half a joke. And then we got an invite and we said, well, maybe we should.
But we want to make sure you guys understand. It's just the three of us talking to a person for an hour. That's it. There's no.
That's it. So I hope you enjoyed it. Yeah. I mean, there's not going to be any singing.
There's no dancing. There's no. We don't even know how to do it. We sat down.
We were backstage. And we were dicking around. Well, make sure you buy one of these. Yeah.
Or four of them. Or four. But we were dicking around. We were doing Sing For Real backstage.
And then Jason didn't want to do it, because he claims you can't sing. I can't sing. I don't even sing a song. You guys know about Sing For Real that we talked about, right?
Because have we talked about it? No, I don't think so. Tell him what it is. So Sing For Real is, it started a long time ago, one of the big enemies of the podcast, Justin Throw.
JT from New York. He did this bit where we would sing in the car, and then he'd say no, sing for real, which means you can't do it as a bit. You can't like embellish. Yeah.
It's so rare. So Will, sing for real. But you sing for real. No, I like when Will does it.
So Will, sing for real. No, I'm saying you know how to sing for real. What do you think for real now? Yeah, you have to sing for real.
Give me a song. Any song. What is it? Don't stop believing.
Don't stop believing. Oh, yeah. What do they're doing? Don't stop believing.
Believe in. Right? Hold on to that sweet. By the way, it stops here.
We're not going around. Hold on to that sweet feeling. Yeah. OK, ready?
But now, he can't do it a bit. I can't do it. I can't do it. You have to really sing it really like he's really.
Look at him fucking focusing. It's the worst. OK, go. OK, ready?
Three, two, one, go. Don't stop believing. Right? That's pretty good.
That was pretty good. But now, now, wait. I want to talk about it. Hold on to that feeling.
Now you're doing a bit. He's doing a bit. Oh, oh. All right.
All right. All right. Listen. Have you ever done any musical theater?
No way. I'm pretty sure that just costs us about $150,000. No, no, no. OK, so wait.
Now, listen, we flew in. I've only been to DC once before. I loved it, but I was here very briefly. Sean, why don't you just relax and get casual and cross your legs a little bit?
So we were phone out here. What do you do? You put your phone? I listen.
I'm a doctor. We were driving in from the airport yesterday, and I said I wanted to know where a specific thing was, which was a landlord. Oh, no, you were driving along. And there's some park land or whatever.
And Sean seriously said, is that where the grassy hole is? Or was it? Not a bit. Could not be less smart.
I really didn't know. I thought you were explaining it. Were we shocking how little both of you knew about anything? That was a real shock.
Well, he didn't know. You guys are like, this came from the Washington Monument. This started this whole symbol. I keep giving it to them, for sure.
Yeah. No, this. There's a great. There's a still.
Because it was a statement on stage. And DC immediately gives a crowd the. It was a big FU back to Europe that we made it. We did it.
And look, we got a monument now. And that's where this also. I don't know if that's true. Not Sean.
I forgot. We didn't really close that up. I had him kind of going out on the sidewalk. And then we went on to something else.
And he literally just tried to get the real answer just now. By the way, it should be in your defense. This is coming from the guy who all your facts lately are from Maple. Right, Maple.
My 10-year-old daughter spends a lot of time on YouTube. Because it cuts down on my parenting obligations. When you say to an actor, oh, break a leg. I've always thought it's you wish the person, and my apologies to people over here.
You say break a leg because now only a good thing can happen. She says, no, Daddy. Break a leg means if you break your leg, you get put in a cast. And that's what you're trying to do when you want to do it.
To get put into a cast. And that's where it comes from. Apparently that's a true story. Too many faces going, no way.
Here's the best part. And then he said, well, Maple, where did she get that? He goes, YouTube. Like, it's like, oh, from the news.
I see. Also, all the facts come from. Also, Sand is called Sand because it's neither C nor Land. Right?
Look, they're all looking at their neighbor. I don't know. I don't know. Let's verify it.
I think it's real. But here's the other thing that happened today that I've never done. Day of first was we were walking, Jason wanted to walk, maybe another extra 25, 30 miles. And all of a sudden, you were here.
Jason, why don't we take one of those birds? And I said, Marty Bird. And then he slapped me really hard enough. But I never, and I was like, ah, you guys go, this is too fucking complicated.
How do you undo the thing? And I got to sign up on the app. Jason did it for me. We rode these birds all around.
It was the best time ever. Yeah. And I was like, I'm here to the arena. Or now I get Marty Bird.
You're always flipping the audience off, even in your character name. We're sneaky smart on that show. What? Can we speak to Marty Bird?
Yeah. Sure. Wait, wait. Let me get the actor studio.
Let me get Marty Bird here. Let me get him. I'll get my dumb concerned face on. Yeah.
Yeah. Don't you say that. It looks a lot like my smiling face. Oh, no.
And I said, do you know what your face is doing right now? Because they're looking at this with this. And he goes, am I smiling? No.
No, you're doing the opposite of smiling. We have covered this on the show. If anybody is North of 40 in this audience, are you not surprised? I'm surprised.
When I watch, as you do, you watch playback of stuff, when you're shooting something, and say, I know what I'm trying to do as an actor. I'm trying to have a certain. But this is so heavy now that I look concerned when I'm just supposed to be listening. And so to get, I think we talked about this on the podcast.
When I want, I have to tell myself, when I want to just be level, I have to tell my face to be semi-surprised. It lifts it just a little bit. So now it's neutral. So semi-surprised is all right.
And then if I want it to seem happy, I have to think, ebullient. It's a long, because in the morning, I try to keep my distance from you, because I'm like, is he pissed at me? Yeah. He's just like, that's my good morning.
He's a little bit grumpy. I'm a little bit grumpy. I'm a little bit grumpy. You're coughing, and then you're good.
I'm moody. All right. Man, we've covered a lot. We're not even supposed to be talking to you.
We're supposed to be talking to ourselves. I know, it's so crazy. The snap. I'm wearing my sport piece tonight.
It snaps. But they come loose. I think realize it's going to be so windy. But the helmet you slept in shape at night.
Yeah, it keeps it. Well, it holds it. Yeah. I'm not stupid, dude.
These nice new clothes we're wearing. We don't wear this on the podcast. We don't get chamas in the podcast. Yeah.
All right. Shall we? Oh, you want to get going? I'm sorry.
Are you give a heart out? Yeah. What are you doing? No, I fell back.
I felt that check-in. You guys enjoyed the check-in. Showing your backs on ASon. It takes you long, right?
Where's your hat? I know. No, I thought I'd wear one. You usually wear a very valid question.
Thank you. Otherwise, I look like I've had a file. Can I watch your kids? So I just tried it.
It just takes too long to do something. So I got a lot of product in it. That's why I had it. I'm too exhausted and old.
Now, did Scotty tell you not to wear a hat on the door? Yes, he did. He knew it. Yeah.
He's like, you're not going to go out there looking like an asshole. Are you? Yeah. You thought that's what I had to do?
All right. This is your guess. Yeah, yeah. So.
Drink up. Yeah. And by the way, just to remind people, we don't know who this is. Face on, legitimately don't know who it is.
So we never do. We never do, but we've carried this on. The exception is Kamala Harris and Stacey Abrams, we all knew about because it was a lot of apparatus to organize that. But other than that, I think we've always not known.
Not known. And that is totally legit. But this took some doing because this person is backstage and they had to be in a certain area back stage. They brought it here from out of town.
And they had to. So it was a big deal to keep it from these guys. And some other people in the tour know who it is. So we keep on having to say the special guest.
Do you have questions on you? Do you have your intro memorized? I don't have my intro memorized. My intro is going to, I'm kind of winging it.
You can keep them out. I've got my cards. You can keep them out. I don't want to hold them.
I don't think you understand the concept of winging it. You can't look at fucking notes. Those are my questions. Those are my questions.
Not my intro. OK. Here's something. I've never admitted this because you do your little intro sometimes, which are obviously written right before.
Yeah. Right before. And then I spent time on mine. Here's an admission.
I've never written one. Never went. Never went. That's clear.
Never went. I've never written an intro. Really? No.
Why? Because we're going to get to them. Did you write one for this person? I did not.
No, this person doesn't need an intro. Oh. Oh, really? This person legitimately is someone who has worn many, many hats.
This person has been, this person was a cop. As a cop? America's mayor? This person was a cop.
Was that his coming out? I would like that interview. Wouldn't that be fun? That would be fun.
Turn up the heat in here a little bit. Get some sweat going. LAUGHING Great. We got our first cut.
We got our first thing. Why is that bad? That would be a good interview. So this person was a cop.
This person has been a cop. This person has been a race car driver. I'm telling you this person had a lot of different hats. This person has been a figure skater.
I love that thing. This person is America's best friend. This person has been a basketball player. This person has been, and will always be, to me, the funniest guy that I know, Mr.
Wilfurn! Who get you guys? Lace. That's a backscar.
A backscar. That's smart. You did it. I knew you were on the fence, but you did it.
Smart. I'm so mad at you. OK. I asked you, is there a dress code?
You said... LAUGHTER You said... It's formal. Tuxedos and cool sunglasses.
I did it. You specifically said... That was when it was going to be in Toronto. And I swear, I don't see anyone on a tuxedo.
LAUGHTER Wait, Wil, did you fly in today? I flew in yesterday. You did. This is so nice of you guys.
I mean, truly. LAUGHTER I'm happy to do it. You guys didn't have to pay me the fee that you're paying me. They don't...
No, they don't. They don't. They don't. They had the same outfit you wore on the plane?
OK. You guys flew me. First class accommodations. I was not allowed to bring a change of clothes.
That was the stipulation. We wouldn't do it. Yeah, remember when people used to dress up on a flight? Yeah.
I listened. My dad tells me no one does it anymore. I'm trying to bring it back. My mom was a stewardess for flight attendant for Pan Am.
Their outfits were incredible back in the day, right? With the bowler hats, right, that's what it's called? Yeah. And everyone had to wear suit and tie in first class, I think.
Yeah. And to be fair, just to catch that mistake you made. Just underline it and highlight it. Oh, stewardess.
Oh, yes. At the time, she referred to her. What I was going to say was in your defense at the time, she referred to herself as a stewardess. Yeah.
Well, that's what it was called back in the day. You used to call her waitress. She used to call her waitress. Well, but why did they switch it?
Guys, it's a long tour. I know. Let's not get too sweet. Or we're panning colors.
The Pan Am classic. Yeah. Blue and white. A little bit of teal, right?
Wasn't it teal? A splash of gold. A splash of gold. A splash of gold for the wings.
Did you have the travel, the shoulder bag? The Pan Am shoulder bag. I had all the swag. We used to be able to ride with mom for free if there's empty seats.
I would help out mom serving dinners to people. I'd walk around. You'd be like six. No, you didn't.
I'd walk down with their tray. You're panning. You're working even on vacation. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm evil. I flew all around the world.
He was thrilled to do it. We had to be in suit and tie, including my sister. No. But you had to be dressed up and you couldn't check a bag because we never knew if we could get on the plane or not because you could only get on the plane if there's empty seats.
Sorry, man. Let's get back to Will. Okay. It's February.
Sure. It's pretty much the start of the year. I thought I'd read my New Year's resolution. We're going to double back to the Pan Am story because he's got something he really did.
No, he really did the audience a favor. Stop saying pun unintended. That's a good note. I love puns.
Whenever I use it, I mean it. Okay. Otherwise you just wouldn't say it. Why?
You're not going to do it if you don't intend to make a pun. It's like murder unintended after murdering somebody. I'm just trying to wiggle in a promotion for Murder Bill coming on. They applied it pretty quick.
They're aware of it. They haven't seen it yet. It's very good. That's kind of you to say.
I'm going to keep talking about it. I really want to commit this year to referring to all money slash cash as cheese or cheddar. But we commit to it. And $100 bills as blue cheese.
Do you? Do you? So, yes, I'd like to have a couple of those in blue cheese. At the ATM you can request.
Or like you call your account. You're like, how much? How much blue cheese? How much blue cheese we got?
I got a big spread. Yeah. I want to bring you to say your agent calls us as well. We've got an offer and your only thing is how much cheddar are they offering?
Right. Next person that says to me age before beauty, I'm going to knock out. Okay. You just don't like it?
Ooh. Okay. Say 2022 in the house as much as possible. Eat more vegetables.
Sure. Well, that would make a lot of sense. That's a good one. Do you guys not look at him and just fall in love?
I swear I could just stare at it the funniest man in the world. Absolutely. Please, no. Drink at least 50 liters of water a day.
50 liters. That seems like a lie. Do something special for a random stranger every day. That's nice.
That's nice. That's a fact. Buy their coffee for them. Help someone cross the street.
And then ask a stranger to do something special for me. Let's do it. Just pick one. This comes back.
Get in the face of flight attendants because I have rights too. That I think has a head full of steam already. Just follow that trend. Yeah, I got it.
Never buy a pack of cigarettes again. There's plenty of half smoke butts out there with at least two or three drags left on them. So you just got to look on the ground. Don't shake your head at me.
Wait, that might go double for cups of coffee. Right. I got a lot. By the way.
You should have been so long. You don't follow through. Wait, this list is like even five minutes long. It would have been nice if you started with buckle up.
Tell my wife I love her at least once a month. And then treat myself to a nice piece of jewelry. Remind myself daily that I'm afraid of no ghosts. It's good.
It's good. Can you forward these to me? I will. Really try to stop breeding exotic big cats.
Mostly tigers and jaguars. Really try. Mostly. Mostly.
Put all my money. All of it. Take all the cheddar. In Bitcoin.
Do not look back. Take down my Christmas tree. And we will be right back. Smartlyce is brought to you in partnership with Airbnb.
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Smartless. Money. It isn't just money. It's your freedom or your rent, maybe your education.
It can't be the difference between confidence and anxiety and it's why RBC is built for real life because we've got real people. We offer real support because your money isn't the whole story. You are. Your idea of banking that's personal happens here.
RBC. Ideas happen here. And now back to the show. Avoid slipping into vocal fry so much.
Right. You guys know what that is? I just found out what that was about six months ago. You know when you talk like that.
It's like Valley Girls speak. Right. That's going back a bit. Every sentence and a question mark.
It's talking like that's not a vocal fry. Oh my god. I want to do it again. I see two cameras over there and I don't.
I can't do it again. Thank God for the internet. That will hurt you for so long. By the way, this is starting to read like a manifesto.
Chicago PD. Chicago Fire. Chicago Med. These are the three shows you're promising to watch this year?
I just love them. You love them. It's actually an ad. It's actually an advertisement.
That's a paid ad. It's a paid ad. It's a snuck on the smart list. What the fuck?
Thank you guys. Speaking of Chicago, you look dangerously close to Harry Carey right now. Oh, good. I'm trying to hang him on just a little.
Chicago PD. What I love is it has all the thrill and excitement of the inner workings of the police department. With all the backyard knowledge of Chicago. Wait, you know, I'm from Chicago.
It sounds exactly like it. What's more excited than solving a homicide at Wrigley Field? I'm sorry. I got a lot more.
Should I stop it? No, listen. I mean, I need to show a prepare. Okay.
I'm going to speak. I'll speak through. I don't really have questions. Try to work on my intense hatred of manatees.
Yellow jacket streaming now on Showtime. Jesus, man. What is this? Second half.
Hollywood has got you. You don't know how much blue cheese I just landed right there. Well, not yet. Not yet, but when this airs.
Okay. All right. Finally, finally changed my name to DaBaby unless it's already taken. Or finally changed my name to Yae unless that's already taken.
No, you're both taken. Well, how do you spell it? Y-E. No, that's taken.
Y-A-Y isn't taken if you want that. I just want Y-E. You can't have it. Take it.
I don't know. I mean, if you're pronouncing it like that the way you're doing it, I think that you're good. I mean, I should preface it by saying I'm not a lawyer. Wait, does Kanye want it pronounced Yae or Yae?
Yae? You see, you're hearing gay. I just thought of a fourth one. Chicago Law.
Oh, Chicago Law. You can play a lawyer. Shit. By the way, now this is like a trademark thing.
Like Davis. Sounds like Terry Cial. He does. Terry Cial.
Remember to talk louder on my cellphone when I'm in public, especially on an airplane. Eat more roadkill. More. If we all ate roadkill, at least one mil a week, we'd reduce our carbon footprint by 25%.
You almost couldn't get that one out. You liked that one. Land voiceover contract for Reese's peanut butter. What the fuck?
And don't be sorry about it. Don't be sorry about it. Good luck. Will, can you roll down your sock a little bit more?
Sorry. Just get it all the way down. Jason and I got an argument for real just before the show because I did have a Reese's peanut butter cup. Also paid out.
And Jason said, wait, it goes so funny. I said, how long you doing? Thank you, Will. Really funny.
I actually stopped and watched them every time I see them. Thank you. It's so nice to get a compliment from a friend. I mean, the hours of the talk about it was the last great commercial I saw was the Dodge thing that you did way back.
Remember that was for Dodge, wasn't it? Right? Have you done a commercial since then? I did one for GM.
Oh, GMC. Not GMC. Not GMC trucks. Not GMC.
So you did GM, he does GM cars. That's a big part, right? GMC is a truck. What's GM?
That's the big overall company. Yeah. General merchandise. I thought I was talking about light trucks.
No, we're talking about professional grade vehicles. We've only been doing it for 23 years. Look, here's the point. Is that like a world record in the police owners?
I don't know. It might be, but I try not to. Someone googled. I'm not going to talk about it in front of people.
In front of the theater. The next theater of people? No, because it's gross. But you love it.
You're a good match for it because you are kind of a professional grade kind of guy, right? It fits him. Thank you. Well, the voice alone is like a truck.
It's turned out. It's turned out. Who sings that song Believer? Don't stop believing?
No, Believer. Imagine dragging these nuts across your face. Is that on my list? See that more.
The last one is whatever. Which is not really a resolution. It's just a reminder to take chances. And be more spontaneous.
Yeah. Even though it's on my list. Well, it makes me think... He's not finished.
He's not finished. He's not done. I don't know. Remove all and repeat.
All of my music from Spotify. All my albums. There we go. All my albums.
All of them. You think? Cupcake Party. Go on back.
Revolution yesterday. Not on there. Grandma's Unicorn. Jesus clown.
I'm going to go inside. Even the beat-up. Get it off. And Will, why?