709 Meridian

D and Andrew return to world of Cannon muscle man sword and sorcery with the 1987 debacle MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. Listen as they discuss better movies, better projects for the cast, worse projects for the cast, which of the crew are very bad men, with a special eye towards MOTU87's place in the end of the first sequel chasing blockbuster era! Catch it!NOTE: the audio for this recording has some problems. We got too close with the Cosmic Key.

D and Andrew return to the DC Animated Universe, except this time they get to talk about one of the good ones... Bruce Greenwood as Batman, Doogie Howser as Dick Grayson, Jensen Ackles as Jason Todd and Hank Azaria as Ra's al Gh--wait, no, it's Jason Isaacs. The fellas probably don't get into that one but who knows, they get into the whole Death of Robin II, the Resurrection of Robin II, the animated movies, etc, etc. Check it out!

D and Andrew board the Argo, the Pinto, or the Santa Maria and head back to ancient Greece for THE ADVENTURES OF HERCULES (AKA THE ADVENTURES OF HERCULES II AKA HERCULES II), which brings back Lou Ferrigno and the villain (and the villain's daughter) from the original, but none of the charm. It's an interesting example of how 80s schlock can go wrong. Doesn't make for a fun watch, but it is interesting. Join the fellas as they try to make it through.

Unintentionally, D and Andrew return to the land of Cannon, albeit the Roman dubbed variety. But Lou Ferrigno shows up for the job and gets through the frankly FANTASTIC nonsense. It's a lot and it's kind of awesome. WATCH HULK FIGHT RADIO SHACK TINKERTOY!

You know... for a movie about Allan Quatermain's colonialist a** finding the lost white tribe of Africa... it's nowhere near as problematic as D and Andrew were expecting. It's not good, for sure, but it could be worse. Though they do realize something that isn't good (but also isn't worse). And the fellas aren't the only ones silly for showing up here... JAMES EARL JONES does too!

Ever committed to the summer of duologies, D and Andrew watch KING SOLOMON'S MINES, the 1985 imperalist, colonizer Indiana Jones knock-off starring Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone. It's a lot. It's a lot to think about it being from 1985, too. As in yikes elements. Lots of yikes. But watching a Cannon film is always full of peril.

D and Andrew return to the complex and intricate world of THE MECHANIC, wherein Jason Statham is an assassin who kills people with intricate "make it look like an accident" techniques, except when he just Stathams them, and it has nothing to do with the first movie. It's a weird time. Jessica Alba's in it, Tommy Lee Jones makes another inglorious 709 appearance. Very weird stuff.

D and Andrew make the seemingly fine choice of the Stath and the Fost and the Suth and the... Gold? Whatever. But it should be an okay watch but instead... THE MECHANIC drags the fellas off topic as they explore various related tangents, only to snap back for the film's very 2011 elements. It's summer of duologies so obviously, though, perfect setup for a sequel.

It's back to Hyperborea for D and Andrew, this time with Mr. Basketball USA Wilt Chamberlain, Grace Jones, Mako again, Tracey Walter because the fellas must suffer, and then, of course, the just teenage girl love interest for Arnold. Yikes on bikes. But there are no bikes in Hyperborea, just distressingly cheap sets (and some unfortunate special effects). It's very 1984, in other words... the bad 1984.

By Crom, D and Andrew will journey to furthest Hyperborea to slay the ice demons and feast upon the entrails of Pygmilion. Or some such. Join the fellas as they discuss Arnold, his first potential franchise, how great it is to have Mako around, how weird it is that there's cannibalism, how great Sandahl Bergman is, and also... welcome to the 2025 Summer of Dulogies, James Earl Jones!

It's back to Jolly Old England for D, Andrew, Sammy, and Peter when the fellas discover Peter Lawford's got a twin brother in this ONE. There aren't as many ladies, parties, or cars this time, but they find things to discuss. Including Sammy's utter downer of a subplot for most of the film, though he gets to sing about it thank goodness. Catch it!

D and Andrew hop into the banana yellow DeLorean and set the flux capcitor for Swinging London 1968 to go hang out with Salt (Sammy Davis Jr.) and Pepper (Peter Lawford). They're just some... drunken, high, horny club owners who run afoul of the buzzkill (read: frustrated) coppers and some international baddies. Little do the bad guys know... you can't get cooler than Sammy and Peter and when you're cool, anything goes. Join the fellas for an actual appreciation of the comedy duo buddy flick!

Sadly, it didn't occur to the fellas to do this one as a full-on gag about Black Adam and Frank Castle teaming up to find out what Susan Sarandon did to Ted Kord. Instead, D and Andrew have to stay awake through a very strange, very boring "thriller" about the Rock having to snitch to save his dorky son. It's about why mandatory minimums and snitching is unfair but also then encourages everyone to snitch. D and Andrew do stay awake. Will you?

D and Andrew continue the ROCK season, but little did the fellas realize Maggie Grace would be appearing on the pod again... and they sure didn't expect her NOT TO BE THE WORST PERFORMANCE IN THE MOVIE. Good grief. Tune in as they discuss better action movies, better movies from the director, better this, better that, and how it's basically just a Terminator movie.

There are 3 or so hostages on the 130th floor and only THE ROCK can save them! Not satisfied stiffing former FBI Strike Force Commando Dwayne Johnson, his new employers are out to kill his family. And THE ROCK will climb a SKYSCRAPER to make sure that doesn't happen. Join D and Andrew as they talk about much better movies, solid Rock acting, Neve Campbell not being in enough, and so on.

D and Andrew track down some rolls of quarters so they can destroy Moline, IL with some giant monsters. Oh, and the Rock comes along. Join as the fellas discuss action, CGI, whether or not Jack Quaid's a little much at times, and why the heck didn't Naomie Harris ever hit.

The time: 1996. The place: The Pacific Northwest of New Zealand. The final entry in this season's Michael J. Fox theme... THE FRIGHTENERS. Listen as the fellas enjoy the film, appreciating the harmony of Fox and Jackson, talking about Jeffrey Combs playing Jim Carrey playing Jeffrey Combs, all of it. It's a delight.

D and Andrew take the executive elevator straight up to the running track on the roof to air out, get their pages, head to page 1987, for Michael J. Fox as a young yuppie on his way up. Listen as they discuss young love, sexy older people, movie business logic, and what happens when your concept soundtrack flops.

D and Andrew make the questionable journey South with Michael J. Fox. He's on his way to California to be a plastic surgeon, hopefully he won't run afoul of some lovable yokels, have an adventure, find true love, and so on. While a hit at the time, the fellas find it hard to imagine it being that much of a wow. There's a squash subplot, for goodness sake. (Not the game, either).

D and Andrew head out for some frog dogs then settle in for Michael J. Fox and James Woods's buddy cop picture, THE HARD WAY, discussing such things as urban action sequences, stunts, NYC shooting, Stephen Lang overacting, and much more!

D and Andrew hop in the Studebaker and head to the Big Apple to hang out at Club Sugar Ray for Eddie Murphy's (to date) only directing gig, in which he assembles an Avengers-sized ensemble of Black comedians (and Jasmine Guy), for a cross between THE STING and MILLER'S CROSSING. Only with more pinkie toes getting shot off. And Richard Pryor getting to do a gentle, paternal performance, which is whip. Tune in.

It's a very special "in memoriam" episode of 709 MERIDIAN as D and Andrew go through Val Kilmer's filmography to create a tier list. Listen as they discuss Kilmer's career highlights, lows, and steadies.

The boys--including director Walter Hill--are back in town and D and Andrew can't help but wonder... why? Why do milquetoast 48 HRS. sequel as a comeback picture? Listen as the fellas discuss all the possible improvements to the picture, but also what they could be watching instead. At least it's short.

D and Andrew head to Nepal(?) in Eddie Murphy's attempt to... do an INDIANA JONES-type adventure only in the modern day and not really very adventerous? With a lot of magic? Like a lot of magic. And a bad(!!!) Victor Wong?!?! Say it isn't so!

A new season begins as D and Andrew take the Elm Street bus across oceans to Kuwait 1984, where Eddie Murphy has been suckered into an extended cameo in a terrible Dudley Moore movie. Listen as the hosts wonder... why. Over and over, they wonder why. Why did anyone think this movie--in any incarnation--was a good idea...

D and Andrew finish up NIGHTMARE Prime Universe with FREDDY'S DEAD, which has them wondering why they made this movie--of all the possible movies, why this one--why Lisa Zane is so flat, why Yaphet Kotto is barely around, and, I don't know, how it can play so dang long at 90 minutes or whatever. As ever.

D and Andrew return to Springwood to catch up with Lisa Wilcox and Danny Hassel since their last outing. They've recovered and are almost ready to graduate high school; sure hope Wilcox doesn't bring Freddy back out of... bad dreams? (No pun) (Sadly). It could be worse (and will be on ELM STREET) and we do at least get a Kelly Jo Minter supporting turn.

D and Andrew hop in the [school] bus and head over to Pinehurst Halfway House to catch up with the latest in teen dream psychology... or, wait, is it the Westin Hills Psychiatric Hospital, for the "prestige" ELM STREET. As in, involving at least one Academy Award nominee (co-writer Frank Darabont). And Heather Langenkamp's back, and John Saxon, and Wes Craven's got his name up front for once!

D and Andrew finish up BLACKS CHRISTMAS a little late, but... it's worth the wait? While the latest version addresses the misogyny theme from throughout the franchise, it doesn't come with the trigger warnings the first remake requires. Trigger warnings slash icky icky factor. Instead, it's a SCREAM CHRISTMAS or something. Neato?

THIS IS IT! THE FANTASTICAR! And it's... a Dodge. Because SILVER SURFER is dirt cheap, which annoys D and Andrew to no end. Especially as things (no pun) work out better this time around for the Doomed (pun) quartet. Will the FF ever get their movie due?!? SURFER's a good step. Get it, step? Steps? Steps! But seriously, this one's good.

D and Andrew hop in the... nope, still not the Fantasticar it turns out, and head to scenic Vancouver, British Columbia to check in on the First Family's 2005 budget outing (as opposed to all their other budget outings). Tune in as they discuss wigs, chemistry, stretching, and that guy from NIP/TUCK being a real drag.

D and Andrew might be watching their first Corman-affiliated picture (it can't be, can it?) albeit one without an official release. Yes, indeed, they are starting their Fant4stic season with the infamously unreleased low budget Marvel Comics adaptation. It ... could be worse. Some of it. Some of it is about as bad as bad can be. But some of it....

D and Andrew open up the balcony for the second half of their CRISIS season, heading to the Tomorrowverse where... the Justice League are forming to tease Amazo and The Flash keeps going to Earth-Whatever to hang out with the Crime Syndicate. It's a weird, "is this CRISIS" experience. Listen as your intrepid hosts stay conscious, discuss animation "quality," voice "acting," and so much more.

Well, D did not go and watch Legends of Tomorrow before finishing off Crisis so Andrew's pretty sure it'll be a lot longer than it would be without. Tune in as they discuss disappointing special effects, lack of scale, lack of guest stars, and much more... lacking.

This is it! Again! D and Andrew head to the end of time for another lackluster green screen battle or two. Tune in as they discuss the finiteness of Infinite Arrowverses, bad acting, bad shows, and much more! Though no guest stars. They really didn't do guest stars for this episode, did they?

D and Andrew are off to the universe of less "name" guest stars as the heroes of the Arrowverse stand around and talk about the end of the worlds as they know it. This episode features the FINAL FATE OF THE FLASH (big asterisk), and a solid enough crossover appearance before... things.

D and Andrew head to the Arrowverse--with D never having seen a complete episode--to kick off the CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS season. Listen as they discuss height, casting, moods, CGI backdrops, Kevin Smith (maybe), red skies, guest stars, bad acting, worse acting, and much more! Listen as Andrew tries to convince D to watch LEGENDS OF TOMORROW based on nothing but this mess!

D, Andrew, and multiple returning cast members once again head west from the Motor City to 90210, with Axel (Eddie Murphy) recovering from Thanos's snap taking out Aaron from the TV pilot and replacing him with a daughter. Listen as the hosts discuss legacyquels, action movies, Eddie as Dad, and much, much more!

Once in a generation do the fates align for a terrible television adaptation with an affordable cameo from the movie star... and one of those times is BEVERLY HILLS COP: AARON F. Join D and Andrew as they follow Foley the Jr to Beverly Hills for a really, really, really dated cop show. Just yow and yikes abound. It's real bad. But short. Tune in!

Well... D and Andrew watched BHC3: ESCAPE FROM WONDER WORLD. Listen as they itemize the film's various and excessive failings, muse about the better versions in other realities, and think they uncover why an action-comedy doesn't have any stunt people in it....

The boys are back in... wait, wrong franchise--but D and Andrew do indeed tag along for another trip to scenic 90210 with Detroit's finest (human) cop, Axel Foley. Sadly, they forget to dream up a crossover with Robocop, but they do talk about eighties sequels, Tony Scott, and much more.

D and Andrew do the neutron dance all the way from Detroit to Beverly Hills as they try to keep up with Eddie Murphy's solo breakthrough. Listen as they discuss action, comedy, action-comedies, and so much more.

It's a very special episode of 709 Meridian, as D and Andrew trek into the murky swamps of non-superhero DC Comics adaptations with THE LOSERS. Listen as they discuss Marvelous futures, Fantastic pasts, Family Dollar George Clooneys, and much more.

D and Andrew head back to Antonio Bay--Antonio Island, sorry, they rebranded--for the foul FOG remake of 2005. Listen as Andrew begs Maggie Grace to deliver lines a little better, as the hosts wonder how ghosts know how to computer program, why it can't be a little better, why it can't be a little shorter. SO MANY THINGS.

D and Andrew head to Antonio Bay for some ghost stories with old dudes dressed up as sea captains, bad fishing, good radio, and generally pleasant weather. Though they never get to see the stupid centennial statue, which apparently ended up on the cutting room floor. Tune in as they discuss great visuals in boring movies.

D and Andrew settle in for another eighties gem, this time one coming in the pre-Ghostbusters II slime era, with THE BLOB, Tri-Star's attempt to do a mainstream... Troma movie? Or something? Listen as they discuss bad wigs, good stars, eh music, and much more.

D and Andrew hop into the DeLorean and head back to 1958, when you took your gal to the malt shop, only they were surviving killer jello. It's also Steven McQueen's first appearance on the cast! Lots of talk. Some of it even about the movie!

How did they ever make a sequel to THE THING? Poorly. Tune in as D and Andrew roll back the clock to 1982 (sort of) and see the incredibly-similiar-to-what-would-subsequently-occur events leading up to the good THING. And get really bored. And consider watching better movies instead. But, hey, Teen Wolf Too couldn't take down our intrepid hosts, MATTHIJS VAN HEIJNINGEN JR.'S THE THING BEGINS can't either.

South, Miss Teschmacher, south! D and Andrew head to the south pole to check in on Kurt Russell, Keith David, and an assortment of late eighties guest star dads in John Carpenter's 1982 classic, THE THING. Listen as they discuss cheater angles, practical effects, music, tension, and much more.

D and Andrew leave the helmets ON as they hop on their big wheels and head into Mega-City One for another DREDDful adventure. Except this time it's good, but also didn't get a sequel, so they get to be sad about that part. While enjoying the rest, obviously.