Chronic Conundrum

Today, we’re wondering if I will return to the sterile embrace of the suburban slog or if the opportunity to bang my wife in the shower is enough to keep us in the flow state. We’re dissecting why the world has become a giant sh*t sandwich that is starting to rot and how Lululemon is turning tween girls into little hussies. We're exploring "real" Mexico, where underwear still dries outside the windows of cinder-block homes, and visiting a dream where a carnival is really just an OSHA-defying nightmare of methed-out ride attendants.Whether you’re mired in the suburban slog yourself or you just like the idea of saving money on a clothes dryer, let's come clean.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re recounting a tangential experience with death via James Van der Beek and why my parents' house was consumed by the cacophonous bleating of my mom’s CNN habit. We’re dissecting the psychotic movie script of made-up catastrophe known as COVID and why trading a football-field-size American flag for naked hot-tubbing with big, beautiful pontoons was the only way to survive Texas. We’re exploring a whispered admission of truth where a beautiful lady admits that I'm a "visionary" and explaining why most "freedom" in the current zeitgeist is just a hollowed-out stage prop.Whether you're ready to escape the cacophonous bleating of your own media habit or you just need to hear some whispered truth, let's get visionary.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if I should be as robust as a 5-foot-tall Korean woman and why the world follows the lead of prostitute-bangin' weasels like Bill Gates. We’re dissecting how the Epstein Files have become the primary fuel in the current geopolitical zeitgeist and why people willingly injected themselves with a compliance serum. We’re exploring the terrifying, nocturnal struggles for my soul and explaining why I’m not Nostradamus—I just know evil when I see it.Whether you're ready to win the battle for your soul or you just need to find some of that Korean swagger, let's get robust.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re navigating "Street Mexico" where cats lick trash like popsicles and how I gave up a free house sit because I'd have to throw my dirty toilet paper in the trash. We're wondering if a sailboat vagabond we met here is actually just an English pimp and how it seems that every female I know lures me in just to attack me. We're dissecting another basement dream where I sop up unrepressed emotions with a dirty towel, and dissecting how the average American family is just a group of chubby, little phone-addicts who eat at Fuddruckers. Whether you’re worried about the state of your own subconscious or you're just wondering if you could hack it here in central Mexico, let's get dirty. For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if arsenic poisoning is the reason I’m farting razorblades and why the local water lines have developed a hardy and robust biofilm slime layer. We’re dissecting the Chubalub infestation in San Miguel and why every Gringo over 60 down here looks like the Crypt Keeper. We’re exploring a recurring dream where I reigned as King of the 1980s forest, and explaining why we'll never go backwards to be sequestered in the suburban slog.Whether you’re ready to make changes or you just need to purge your own slime layer, let’s come clean.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if we’re all just bubbling in the giant vat of insanity and why the only way out is to exit Normieville, USA. We’re dissecting the jiggly jowls of modern consensus and how this madness is used to glue little boys' butts to a seat. We’re exploring a dream from the '90s featuring my father in cutoff jeans, and wondering why people are wasting their time making dumb AI pics, while the 'vampiric squid' are diligently working to lock us down. Whether you feel mired in cultural craziness or you just like to make pics of your uncle with his pants down, let's get turnt.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re navigating the "resting bitch face" of the Mexican highlands while observing a curious gaggle of scantily clad women who are turning the Parroquia into a brothel. I’m sharing how I officially stopped being a transplanted Chubalub by trading the "suburban slog" for 7-mile loops through San Miguel, and why our friends in LA refused to suck Hopeium during COVID. Plus, I’ll dive into a dream so powerful I now exist on the same frequency as Ryan Gosling.Whether you’re ready to stop making excuses or you just want directions to the brothel, let’s be honest.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if my Mexican ID makes me look like a thug and how my ex-girlfriend resembled a retarded Linda Ronstadt. We’re dissecting the Davos crowd’s plan to swap our autonomy for cricket paste, and why I’m holding out for street-mule Mexico over a surveillance state. Plus, I’ll share how dating a scoliotic slut led to the realization that we’ve become Pavlovian-addicted animals being force-fed a diet of shit.Whether you drove a crappy car in high school or you just like sluts, let’s be real.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if my wife could fit inside a garbage can and why the "chubalub" might be going international. We’re dissecting the cult of American everything, and pondering if a demon could force us to make love to our cousins. Plus, I’ll share how an ethereal, blue cross of Christ rocked my dream world, and how my bleary-eyed sleep cycles might be coming to an end.Whether you want to escape the American political machine, or you have a crush on your own cousin, let’s get honest.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re dissecting how people pay 180 grand to lock kids up in cinderblock prisons and why pretty little girls are basically demons. We’re also remembering what a Mexican 'stinky squirrel' taught me about reality and why I now have the ankles of a mountain goat. Plus, I’ll reveal how society grooms you to be a sniveling, little dickhead.Whether you're here to embark on your own pilgrimage or you hate little girls, let’s discover some truth.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re delving into a conga line of childhood filth and wondering why some of us had to tap the couch until we cried. We’re lamenting the rise of phone-addicted chubby kids and why my entire wardrobe used to smell like Sasquatch piss. Plus, I’ll share how my OCD creates a cocoon of hell and why the effervescence of puppies is the only thing that can save me. Whether you're here to break free of your own mental hell or you just enjoy Sasquatch stories, let’s get real.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if we can record a podcast in the symphonic cacophony of Mexico and why some cities are like a blonde with big tits. We’re dissecting the cost of keeping your butt cheeks closed at the TSA and why San Miguel de Allende is a Neo-Gothic fantasy in pink. Plus, I’ll share how a stubborn staph infection in my mouth led to the realization that I’m just a tourist in my own life.Whether you're here to decrypt the metaphors in your dreams or you just want to know how much arsenic is in the water, let’s drill down.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering why my buddy Peter is creaming his underwear over season 2 and how we finally fled the suburban slog for the highlands of Mexico. We’re dissecting the majesty of Thailand’s shit-eating pigs and how my wife (the Boss Bitch) keeps me cool. Plus, I’ll share a dream about an underground port-a-potty and why you have to dive into your own filth to truly be free.Whether you're here to confront your own trauma or you just want to see how deep this shithole goes, let’s get dirty.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Welcome to season 2 of Chron Con! Today, we’re wondering if dive-bombing birds are my magical mystery guides and why I’m trading the 'chubalubs' of Arkansas for a life modeled after Jesus. We’re dissecting the rise of soy-titted gamer boys and how the idea of a pilot with PMS is also a sign of a sick society. Plus, I’ll reveal how we plan to pack up and hit the road.Whether you're here to study the architecture of our escape or you just want to hear what the birds said, let's start soaring.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

This is the Season 1 finale of Chron Con! Today, we’re wondering if my own brother might be a retarded dolphin and why your therapist is incentivized to never cure you. We’re dissecting the urge to fake our own deaths and pondering if there’s a gay Latino dancer inside of me. Plus, I’ll explain why a massive tidal wave of shit is coming and how we plan to live a life on the road.Whether you’re here to prepare for the apocalypse or you just want to say goodbye, this is the end, beautiful friend.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if farmers get lots of ass and how American cheese is the equivalent of Brie. We’re dissecting why HOKA sneakers are the ultimate expression of retard culture and how my own magnetism somehow overcomes my stupidity. Plus, I’ll share a college BJ story for the ages and why my wife and I are preparing to fill our sails with the winds of fate.Whether you're here to plan your own escape or you just want to hear about a humdinger from my past, let’s get groovin'.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if I could be the 'Bodfather' and why I’d never go down on a hooker. We’re dissecting how the world has become a "retarded Disneyland" and why getting into a fistfight with your father might be the best form of therapy. Plus, I’ll share what happened when I got naked with a bunch of men in Washington state.Whether you're here to gauge your anger or you just want to fight your own father, let’s get primitive.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if telling salacious sex stories is the ultimate aphrodisiac and why my mother’s Trump Derangement Syndrome is a sign of extreme lack. We’re exploring my own identity as a 'Big Giant Baby' and the night a foot-long millipede tried to end my honeymoon in South Korea. Plus, I’ll share how a naked, flappin' penis in a dream helped me realize that beneath anxiety lies a giant bubble of sadness.Whether you're here to confront your own fears or you just want some PG-13 nudity, let’s get vulnerable.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering why Boomers have devolved into giant, wrinkly babies and why my mother feels the need to pretend to read. We’re exploring the dark mirror of the ubiquitous 'nasty-ass ho' and a night in Australia when I was mistaken for a superstar (leading to the best BJ in the history of the world). Plus, I’ll explain why I’m threatening to end the show.Whether you've come to question your own desires or you just want to hear about that epic blowjob, let’s get messy.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if I’m the world’s first 'Bodcaster' and why orthodontists are actually just high-status mechanics of filth. We’re exploring the blight of 'Resting Bitch Face' and the night I encountered Courtney Love in an LA dive bar. Plus, I’ll share how a booty call from an A-list celebrity once raised my wife's stock price, and what my buddy's deceased mom was trying to tell me in a dream. Whether you're here to examine our demented reality or you just want to get celebrity dirt, let’s get trashy.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, I’m joining Lindsey Scharmyn on Rogue Ways to wonder why I was once a khaki-wearing corporate ding-a-ling who wished for death and how my wife’s adoption story hides a dark reality. We’re exploring why we fled to a converted goat barn during the lockdowns and why the Portland public school system is the final boss of institutional failure. Plus, I’ll share why collectivism is the preferred tool of pussies.(Check out Lindsey's work here: https://linktr.ee/lindseyscharmyn)Whether you're here to dissect the system or you just want to hear about the time I lived with goats, let’s get mental.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if my wife is actually a pocket-sized Yoda and why 'rawdoggin' your next plane ride is the only way to escape the metaverse. We’re dissecting the strange life lessons of a suburban gunrunner and why you should absolutely embrace the schizoid revolution. Plus, I’ll share how a demonic dream-dog almost took my dick and balls off.Whether you're here to decode the static of a schizophrenic world or you're just looking to jump naked on a trampoline, let’s get kooky.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re exploring the gross asthenosphere of my psyche and explaining why I only dance with men at weddings. We’re wondering if only real men cry during podcast interviews and if my show is finally taking off in Amsterdam. Plus, I’ll share specific life lessons learned from a high school jerk-off competition on a bus.Whether you're here to audit your own psychic layers or you just want to know how the contest ended, let’s get nasty.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re investigating why everyone needs a "Peter" in their life and whether this podcast can finally land me some international fantasy ass. We’re also remembering when Catholic nuns beat me with rulers (and why I liked it) and how our sun is definitely closer than scientists claim. Plus, I’ll share what a cassette tape from 1982 taught me about being a boss.Whether you're here to investigate alien tentacle molestation or you’re hunting for a signal in the static, let’s get sexy.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if a Danish rent-a-grandma business is a cure for loneliness and how weird Portland actually is once you’ve seen a guy get shanked. We’re dissecting the physics of beating a hobo in a fist fight and how podcasting from my bathroom might beat back the devil. Plus, I’ll share how my dad once grabbed a live bat in the 80's wearing only cut-off shorts.Whether you're here to escape a state of terror or you just appreciate short-shorts, let’s get into the chaos.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering who really owns your house and why Koreans are so wonderfully wacky. We’re dissecting why my wife is a riddle wrapped in an enigma and what it’s like to meet an actual pornstar at the gym. Plus, I’ll share what Jesus was trying to tell me in a dream and ponder if my sleep demon is naughty or nice. Whether you're here to escape the 30-year mortgage trap or just to decode the light in the void, let’s get into the dream.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering what a Martian would think of the public school apparatus and why screaming into a mic is all the therapy I can afford. We’re dissecting why 99% of humanity chooses comfort over control, and why my Korean-born 'dolphin wife' is the only thing keeping us afloat. Plus, I’ll share how the Jungian witch haunts the collective unconscious and why 'gym sluts' are the ultimate sign of our demise. Whether you're here to escape the convenience trap or just listen to me scream into the void, let’s get salty.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Today, we’re wondering if a message in a bottle is romantic or redundant and why adobe houses are actually maintenance-heavy nightmares cosplaying as high art. We’re dissecting how children are usually an afterthought in obituaries and whether Liechtenstein is a real country or just a fictional tax haven. Plus, I’ll share how a cup of mushroom tea helped me to figure out my shit.Whether you're here to identify your mortal enemies or you just want to take a cosmic trip, let's uncork the chaos.For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.

Welcome to the debut of Chron Con. Today, we’re wondering if a contagious rink rat is enough to debunk terrain theory and why homeschooling is the only way to prevent your kids from becoming 'wrinkly babies.' We’re dissecting how a digital diet of boobs, butts, and farts leads to spiritual depression. Plus, I’ll share how to reclaim your youth and why I am undeniably the sexiest ice skater in my town.Whether you're here to reclaim your sanity or you just want to watch the world burn from a better vantage point, let’s diagnose the issues. For more Chron Con, including tips on how to seek salvation in an insane world: https://chroncon.com/. And if you like futuristic and fun fantasy, check out my newly created Substack: https://chroncon.substack.com/.