Dad's Guide to Twins Podcast

When your twins start moving, they don’t just crawl or walk. They become a force of nature. The term “Twinadoes” is accurate. And just like actual tornadoes, they leave a path of destruction in their wake. Once your twins are on the move, you’ll quickly realize that traditional baby containment methods won’t cut it. One baby gate? They’ll figure out how to open it together. A standard playpen? Way too small for two mobile toddlers who need space to explore. You need a bigger strategy. Quick Takeaways Twins need more space than singletons because they interact, chase, and amplify each other’s energy A dedicated, safely enclosed play area gives you peace of mind and them freedom to explore The best twin play zones are expandable, easy to supervise, and minimize shared-toy conflicts Childproofing goes beyond gates, you need to secure furniture, outlets, and eliminate climbing hazards The goal is contained chaos you can manage, not perfection Why Twins Need More Space Than You Think Here’s what I learned with my girls: One twin alone might play contentedly in a corner for ten minutes. Two twins together? They feed off each other’s energy and curiosity. One finds something interesting, the other rushes over to see what it is. Someone starts running, the other gives chase. It’s constant motion. Toddlers need space to develop gross motor skills through movement, climbing, and exploration. With twins, you’re accommodating two developmental trajectories happening simultaneously in the same space. They need room to move without constantly colliding or fighting over the same toy. The advantage here is that twins entertain each other, which means you can actually get things done while they play. But only if their environment is safe enough that you don’t need to hover constantly. Setting Up Your Twin-Proof Play Zone Start with the right space. Some families use a family room, finished basement, or a large bedroom. The key is choosing a room you can see (or hear) from wherever you need to be. Pick a space that’s: Large enough for two kids to move around without being on top of each other constantly Close to your main living areas so you can supervise while cooking, working, or doing other tasks Easy to childproof with minimal furniture and hazards Floored with something comfortable for inevitable falls (carpet or foam mats) You may need to move most of the adult furniture out and make the whole room theirs. Yes, your living room may look like a daycare center for two years. Yes, it is worth it. The Gate System That Actually Works Standard baby gates won’t contain twin twinadoes for long. Trust me. My girls figured out how to work together to pop open a pressure-mounted gate by 18 months. One would push while the other pulled. Here’s what worked for us: Hardware-mounted gates are non-negotiable. Pressure gates are too easy for determined twins to defeat. We installed hardware-mounted gates at every entrance to their play zone. The extra holes in your doorframe are a small price to pay for safety. For larger openings, consider extra-wide gates or a gate system designed for wide spaces. We used a combination gate setup that spanned our entire living room entrance. Some parents successfully use portable play yard panels to create custom-sized enclosures (more on this below). The gates stayed up until the girls were about three. By then, they understood boundaries better and the constant escape attempts had mostly stopped. Play Yard Panels: Your Secret Weapon This is the game-changer most twin parents discover by accident. Large play yard panel systems let you create a custom-sized play area that actually fits two active toddlers. What to look for: Panels that lock together securely (twins will test every connection point) Height of at least 28-30 inches (some determined climbers need taller) Stable base that won’t tip if a twin pulls up or leans on it Easy access door for you to get in and out Expandable system so you can add panels as needed The beauty of panels is mobility. You could set up the play zone in the living room during the day, then fold it up if when you have guests over. Or reconfigure it to fence off dangerous areas like the fireplace while still giving the twins room to play. Essential Childproofing Inside the Zone Even inside a gated area, twins will find danger you didn’t know existed. They’re creative like that. Critical safety checklist: Anchor all furniture to the walls (bookshelves, dressers, TV stands) Cover every electrical outlet, even the ones behind furniture Remove or secure any cords (window blinds, lamps, electronics) Eliminate small objects they could choke on Secure or remove anything with sharp edges or corners Check for climbing opportunities (they WILL use one twin as a ladder for the other to reach higher) When Twins Team Up: Twins collaborate in ways that singleton safety guides don’t anticipate. Watch for: One twin boosting the other to reach higher surfaces Working together to push furniture or climb barriers Sharing “forbidden” items back and forth through gate openings Creating domino effects where one action triggers danger for the other I once found one of my girls standing on her sister’s back trying to reach a shelf. Never underestimate twin teamwork. The Toy Strategy for Two The wrong toy setup leads to constant fights. The right setup gives you blessed minutes of independent play. Have duplicates of favorite toys. I know, I know. You want them to learn to share. They will, eventually. But at 18 months, when both twins want the same toy truck, having two identical trucks means less screaming and fewer toy-related injuries. Provide enough variety. We kept a rotating toy selection in the play zone. Too many toys is overwhelming. Too few leads to boredom and fighting. I aimed for maybe 10-12 different toy options at a time, including duplicates of favorites. Create activity stations. Set up small areas for different types of play: a basket of blocks in one corner, a reading nook with board books in another, a small play kitchen along one wall. This encourages them to spread out rather than constantly competing for the same space and toys. Research on toddler play shows that children this age engage in “parallel play,” where they play alongside each other rather than truly together. Give them space and toys that allow for this natural developmental stage. The actual cooperative play comes later (around age 3-4 for most twins). Flooring Matters More Than You Think Toddlers fall. Constantly. Twin toddlers fall while chasing each other, which adds momentum and impact. If your play zone has hardwood or tile, invest in foam floor mats. We bought interlocking foam tiles that covered the entire living room floor. They’re relatively cheap, easy to clean, and they cushioned countless falls. Some parents use large area rugs. Those work too, though they’re harder to clean when inevitable spills and accidents happen (and they will happen). Supervision Strategies That Preserve Your Sanity The whole point of a safe play zone is so you don’t have to watch them every single second. But you do need to check in regularly. Position the play zone so you can see it from where you are. When you need to be in another room, use a baby monitor or camera. Set boundaries for yourself too. The twins played independently in their zone for 20-30 minutes at a time (on good days). I used this time productively but stayed nearby. Independent play is healthy for their development, and those breaks kept me from losing my mind during the early toddler years. Even in safe environments, toddlers need adult supervision. I interpreted this as a visual or audio check-ins every 5-10 minutes rather than hovering constantly. Your mileage may vary based on your twins’ personalities and your comfort level. When They’re Determined to Escape Some twins accept their play zone boundaries. Others see it as a challenge to overcome. My girls went through a phase around 22 months where escaping the play zone became their primary mission. They’d work together, test weak points in the gate, and celebrate loudly when they succeeded. Here’s what helped: Make the play zone more interesting than what’s outside it. Rotate toys frequently. Introduce new activities. Join them in the space regularly so it’s a fun place to be, not a containment area. Tire them out. A well-exercised twin is a less destructive twin. We spent time outside every day (weather permitting) so they could run, climb, and burn energy in a safer outdoor environment. They were more content to play calmly indoors afterward. Accept that the phase is temporary. By age three, most twins develop better impulse control and understanding of boundaries. The constant escape attempts do end (usually). The Play Zone Evolution Your twin play zone will change as they grow. What works at 12 months won’t work at 24 months. Early walkers (10-15 months): Focus on soft surfaces, sturdy furniture to pull up on, and minimal hazards. They’re not fast yet but they’re unstable. Confident walkers (15-20 months): Add more climbing opportunities, riding toys, and activity toys. They need outlets for their energy. Remove anything breakable. Runners and climbers (20-30 months): This is peak Twinadoe season. Maximize space, secure everything, and prepare for chaos. Keep the most valuable items completely out of the room. Approaching three years: Start transitioning toward normal room setup. They can handle more freedom and actual furniture. Begin reintroducing boundaries and rules about play spaces. The Real Advantage of a Twin Play Zone Here’s the truth: Yes, setting up a dedicated twin play space is work. Yes, your house will look like a daycare center. Yes, you’ll step on toys and find cheerios in weird places. But the alternative is constant vigilance, repeated interventions, and genuine safety concerns. A well-designed play zone gives your twins room to explore, develop, and entertain each other while giving you the mental space to breathe and accomplish basic tasks. The twin advantage here is that they truly do play together (or at least alongside each other) more than a singleton would. This makes the investment in a larger, safer play space absolutely worth it. Two toddlers who can safely entertain themselves for even 20 minutes is a gift you give yourself multiple times a day. Your future self, the one who gets to drink a hot cup of coffee or take an uninterrupted shower, will thank you. The post Creating a Safe Play Zone for Your Twin Twinadoes appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Raising twins is a crash course in everything, including how quickly they pick up on the manners you model for them. 💡 Quick Takeaways Twins naturally observe and copy each other, which can fast-track manners and social skills Start modeling “please” and “thank you” from infancy, even before they can talk Twin-to-twin empathy is a unique opportunity you won’t have with singletons Consistency between you and your partner is key as your twins will absolutely notice the difference Expect setbacks; toddler twins testing limits is completely normal You Have a Secret Weapon: Each Other Here’s something I noticed pretty early with my twin girls that I never experienced with my singleton boys. When one of our twin girls used “please” and got what she wanted, the other watched. And then tried it herself. Twins are each other’s constant social mirror. That’s a huge advantage when it comes to teaching manners, because you’re not just teaching one child. In a lot of ways, you’re teaching two who then teach each other. Twins develop social referencing (looking to others for cues on how to behave) earlier and more frequently than singletons, largely because they have a built-in peer from day one. That means the modeling you do (and that they do for each other) is amplified in a twin household. Start Before They Can Even Talk One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to start using “please” and “thank you” with your twins way earlier than feels necessary. I’m talking infancy. When I handed my girls their bottles, I’d say “Here you go, please enjoy!” and when they’d bat their little arms I’d say “Thank you for being such good eaters.” Silly? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely. The reason this works is that language development is built on repetition and exposure. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children begin understanding social language patterns long before they can produce words. By the time your twins start talking, “please” and “thank you” will already feel like a natural part of how the world works in your house. When to start expecting them to use it: Most toddlers can start signing or saying “please” around 18–24 months. With twins, I found that when one of my girls said it first, the other followed soon thereafter. Peer pressure, twin style. Make Manners Part of Your Daily Routine You don’t need special lessons or Pinterest-worthy activities to teach manners. You just need to weave them into the moments already happening a hundred times a day. At snack time, hold the crackers for a moment and ask, “What do we say?” At first, you’ll answer it yourself: “Please!” Then hand them over with a big smile. At pickup time after a mess, pause and say “Thank you for helping clean up, girls” even when the “help” made things worse. A few routines that worked really well in our house: Snack and mealtime prompts. Every hand-off of food became a “please” and “thank you” moment. Twins sitting together at a table makes it easy to do this with both at once. The morning greeting. We made “good morning” a thing. Two little voices saying it back to you at 6am is honestly one of the best parts of twin parenting. Sharing transitions. When one twin was done with a toy, we coached them to “offer it” rather than just dropping it. “Do you want to give that to your sister? Can you say here you go?” Small moments, big foundation. Twin-to-Twin Empathy: The Real Prize Here’s what genuinely surprised me about raising twin girls: the empathy that developed between them was something I didn’t expect to witness so early. When one of my daughters fell and scraped her knee, her sister (before she could even form a full sentence) walked over, crouched down, and patted her on the back. Nobody taught her that specific behavior. She had just watched us comfort her sister, and she replicated it. Empathy in twins develops through a combination of close observation, shared experience, and what researchers call “emotional contagion”. Essentially when one twin “catches” the feelings of the other. The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry has published research showing twins score higher on certain empathy measures early in life, likely because of this constant emotional feedback loop between them. What this means for you as a dad: You can actively cultivate this. When Twin A is upset, narrate it for Twin B. “Your sister is feeling sad right now. What do you think would make her feel better?” You’re building emotional vocabulary and empathy simultaneously. It works, and it’s something singleton parents genuinely can’t replicate the same way. When They Fight… Let me be real with you. Teaching manners doesn’t mean your twins won’t have Wrestlemania-style conflicts over who gets the red cup. They absolutely will. My girls could go from holding hands to full-on screaming in record time. The key is using those conflicts as teaching moments without turning every spat into a lecture. When things get heated, get down on their level and walk through it: “It looks like you both want the same toy. What’s a polite way to ask your sister for a turn?” A few things that actually helped us get through the rough patches: Coach, don’t referee. Your job isn’t to declare a winner. It’s to give them the language to work it out. “Can you ask her nicely?” goes further than “Give it back right now.” Acknowledge both feelings first. Before addressing behavior, name the emotion. “You’re frustrated because you wanted it first. And she’s frustrated too.” This teaches empathy even in the middle of conflict. Celebrate when they get it right. When your twins resolve something on their own (even messily), make a big deal of it. That positive reinforcement is everything at this age. Model It Constantly, Including with Each Other One thing my wife and I quickly learned is that our twins were watching us way more than we realized. If I said “Hey, pass the remote” without any niceties, I shouldn’t have been surprised when the same thing showed up at snack time. Kids learn what they live. That goes double (literally) with twins because you have two sets of eyes observing your social behavior all day long. So say “please” and “thank you” to your partner. Apologize when you make mistakes. Ask “How are you feeling today?” and actually listen to the answer. It sounds simple, but modeling is the single most powerful manners-teaching tool you have. Research from early childhood development consistently shows that children’s social behavior mirrors the adults in their environment more than any other factor. A Note on Expectations by Age Kids develop at different rates, and twins can add another layer of variability. Here’s a rough guide to what to reasonably expect: 12–18 Months: Begin signing “please” (place your dominant hand with fingers together on the center of your chest and rub it in a circular motion once or twice) and “thank you” (hand from chin outward). Don’t expect consistency. Just repeat, model, celebrate every instance. 18–24 Months: Start hearing verbal attempts at “pee” (please) and “tank you.” This is the sweet spot where the modeling you’ve done pays off. One twin saying it often triggers the other. 2–3 Years: Expect “please” and “thank you” to be fairly consistent with prompting. Begin introducing “excuse me” and basic greetings. Empathy coaching becomes much more effective at this stage because language is developed enough to talk through feelings. 3–4 Years: Many twins at this age will start reminding each other to use manners (without being asked). My girls did this, and honestly it was one of the funniest and most heartwarming things I’ve witnessed as a dad. You’re Building Something That Lasts Teaching twins manners isn’t just about avoiding embarrassing restaurant moments (though that’s a real benefit). It’s about shaping how they’ll treat each other, their friends, teachers, and eventually colleagues and partners for the rest of their lives. The twin bond gives you a unique head start. Use it. Two kids learning to say “please,” “thank you,” and “are you okay?” to each other from the time they’re toddlers? That’s the foundation of a relationship that can last a lifetime. And watching my girls check on each other, say “excuse me” before walking in front of the TV, and thank each other for sharing? It makes every exhausting day completely worth it. The post Teaching Early Manners to Twins: Nurturing Kindness in Your Dynamic Duo appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

You’ve probably noticed it happening. One of your twins comes home from soccer practice and announces, “I’m not as fast as Emma.” Or maybe during dinner, one twin says, “Everyone likes Tyler better than me.” Welcome to the comparison phase. It’s completely normal, but it can be tough to watch. Quick Takeaways Twins naturally start comparing themselves around ages 4-7 as part of normal development Constant comparison can lock kids into narrow roles (the athletic one, the shy one) Minimize direct comparisons in your language and celebrate each child’s unique strengths One-on-one time and separate activities help each twin develop their own identity Focus on personal growth over competition (compare them to their past selves, not each other) Why This Happens (And Why It’s More Intense for Twins) Around ages 4 to 7, kids develop social comparison skills. They’re figuring out how they stack up against other kids, which is a totally normal part of growing up. But for twins? This process is on steroids. My girls have always had a built-in comparison point who’s the exact same age, in the same house, often in the same classroom, and looks just like them. When other kids compare themselves to random classmates, twins are comparing themselves to the person they have spent their entire life with. The comparison thing really kicks into high gear during elementary school. One twin gets picked first for kickball while the other waits. One breezes through reading while the other struggles. This is when peer relationships and visible abilities (athletic, academic) become hugely important to kids. For twins, every difference gets magnified. The Identity Problem Here’s what I’ve noticed with my girls and other twin families. When comparison becomes constant, twins often fall into complementary roles. You get the athletic one and the artistic one. The outgoing twin and the shy twin. Some specialization is fine. Actually, it’s normal. But it becomes a problem when a child feels stuck in their role or believes they can’t succeed in areas where their twin shines. Kids who are constantly compared to their sibling struggle more with self-esteem, particularly if they see themselves as coming up short. They might avoid new activities out of fear they won’t measure up, or they become overly competitive in ways that damage their relationship with their twin. Stop the Comparison Language (Even the Subtle Stuff) This seems obvious, but you’re probably doing it more than you realize. I know I was. Instead of “Your sister is so good at sharing, why can’t you be more like her?” try “I need you to take turns with the Legos.” Direct, specific, no comparison. Pay attention to how you describe your twins to other people while they’re listening. I caught myself calling one of my girls “my social butterfly” at a family gathering. Guess what that implicitly said about her sister? Yeah, not great. Here’s what helped me break the habit: Describe behaviors, not comparisons (“Please use your inside voice” vs. “Why can’t you be quiet like your brother?”) When praising one child, don’t reference the other at all If you’re about to say “more like” or “better than,” stop and rephrase Notice labels you’ve assigned and actively use different descriptions for each child Create Space for Individual Identities Each twin needs time to be seen as a whole person, not half of a pair. Regular one-on-one time with each parent is non-negotiable. Even 20 minutes of focused attention helps. For example, I’d take one daughter out to lunch with me and the other daughter the next week. Those individual conversations are where I really got to know each girl as herself. Consider separate activities based on individual interests. For example one twin does soccer while the other does gymnastics. You’ll see that each twin gets to develop skills and friendships independently. Sure, it’s more complex logistically (welcome to twin parenting), but the benefit to their individual development was huge. They don’t have to do everything separately. But at least one different activity gives them space to breathe. Celebrate Different Strengths (But Make It Real) Kids can smell fake praise from a mile away. Don’t manufacture equivalent compliments (“You’re both winners!”). They know it’s nonsense. Instead, notice genuine individual qualities. For example, one of your twins may be incredibly persistent when learning something new. She’ll practice the same piano piece 20 times until she nails it. Her sister demonstrates creativity in problem-solving. She’ll find three different ways to build the same Lego set. Point out character strengths like kindness, humor, curiosity, or courage. These aren’t directly comparable. You can’t measure who’s “more kind” the way you can measure who runs faster. When you shift from comparing achievements to noticing character, the competitive tension between your twins will noticeably decrease. Teach Personal Growth Over Competition This was a game-changer for us. The goal isn’t to be better than your twin. The goal is to improve your own skills over time. I ask questions like: “Can you do more push-ups than you could last month?” “What’s something you learned this year that was hard at first?” “How is your reading now compared to the beginning of the school year?” This shifts focus from external comparison to internal progress. This growth mindset approach leads to better long-term outcomes than competitive comparison. One of my girls was getting frustrated that her sister could swim faster. I started tracking her own swim times and celebrating when she beat her previous record. Her twin’s times became irrelevant. She was competing with herself. Handle the “It’s Not Fair” Comments When one twin says, “It’s not fair that he’s better at baseball,” validate the feeling while reframing. “I hear that it’s frustrating when something feels hard for you. Everyone has different things that come easily and things they have to work at. What’s something you’re proud of learning to do?” This acknowledges their emotion without reinforcing the comparison trap. You’re teaching them that different doesn’t mean better or worse. It just means different. Shut Down Other People’s Comparisons Family members, coaches, friends. They’ll compare your twins. Sometimes with good intentions, sometimes thoughtlessly. When you hear it, gently redirect: “They’re each working on different skills right now” or “We try not to compare them since they’re individuals with different strengths.” You may even have direct conversations with your own parents or family members about this. Your advocacy teaches your kids that they don’t need to accept others’ comparisons either. Watch for Warning Signs Some rivalry is normal and even healthy. But watch for these red flags: One child consistently holding back to avoid outshining their twin Intense distress when a twin succeeds at something Persistent negative self-talk related to comparisons (“I’m the dumb one,” “I’ll never be as good as her”) One twin becoming overly focused on beating the other rather than personal enjoyment Physical aggression that seems tied to competitive feelings If you’re seeing these patterns, consider consulting a child psychologist who understands twin dynamics. This isn’t failure on your part. It’s getting help early before patterns become entrenched. When One Twin Has Different Abilities This gets more complex when twins have different abilities due to developmental delays, learning differences, or physical disabilities. The typically developing twin may feel guilty about their advantages or face pressure to accomplish things more easily. The twin with challenges may struggle with self-esteem as differences become more pronounced. Honesty calibrated to developmental level is essential. Explain differences in age-appropriate terms. Emphasize that everyone needs different kinds of support. Ensure both children receive attention for their individual progress and efforts. I know families dealing with this. The ones doing it well connect with other families in similar situations through twin clubs or disability support organizations. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Build a Healthy Twin Relationship The twin bond can be one of the most significant relationships in a person’s life. Your goal isn’t to eliminate all comparison or competition. That’s impossible and probably undesirable. You’re helping your children develop a relationship where they can be genuinely happy for each other’s successes while pursuing their own paths. Encourage collaboration alongside healthy competition. My girls work together on projects, help each other with challenges, and have shared interests. This builds mutual support that coexists with individual achievement. Model celebrating others’ successes in your own life. When I’m genuinely happy about my friend’s promotion or marathon finish, my kids see that someone else’s win doesn’t diminish my own worth. What I’ve Learned The comparison phase hit hardest for us during ages 5-7. It’s gotten better as the girls have developed stronger individual identities. They still compare sometimes (they’re human), but it’s less fraught now. The foundation you build now by treating your twins as individuals, celebrating unique strengths, and minimizing comparison will serve them their entire lives. Here’s my rule of thumb: see each child fully, love each child completely, and trust that they each have their own path to follow. Your twins will spend their entire lives navigating their unique relationship. Your job is to give each child the tools to value themselves independently while appreciating the special bond they share. When in doubt, focus on personal growth over competition, create opportunities for individual experiences, and watch your language for subtle comparisons you might not realize you’re making. The post When Twins Start Comparing: A Guide for Parents appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

When my twin girls were toddlers, I’d take them to the park and watch something fascinating happen. Other kids would be running around, forming little groups, negotiating who got the swing next. Meanwhile, my girls would find a quiet corner of the sandbox and build elaborate castles together, completely content in their world of two. It was sweet. It was also a little concerning. Here’s the thing about twins: they come with a built-in best friend. That’s amazing, but it can also become a comfortable bubble that keeps them from developing friendships with other kids. I learned this the hard way when one of my daughters had a meltdown at a birthday party because her sister was playing with someone else. Why Outside Friendships Matter (Even When Twins Have Each Other) My wife and I used to joke that our girls were set for life. They’d always have a playmate, always have someone who understood them, always have backup. And while that’s true, we realized they also needed to learn how to be interesting, capable people on their own. When twins build friendships outside their twin relationship, they will develop stronger individual identities and more diverse social skills. They learn to navigate different personalities, practice introducing themselves (a skill my girls literally never needed with each other), and discover they can be valued for who they are individually. Plus they can see other benefits like: Each twin develops confidence in social situations without relying on their sibling They practice different social roles (sometimes the leader, sometimes the follower) They bring new ideas and games home from their individual friendships They learn that being apart doesn’t mean being alone or unloved They develop resilience for future separations (different classes, different interests as they age) Understanding Why Twins Stick Together Before I share what worked for us, it helps to understand why twins gravitate toward each other. It’s not stubbornness or social anxiety (though those can be factors). It’s perfectly logical. My girls shared everything from day one. Same womb, same nursery, same developmental stage, same inside jokes. When faced with a playground full of unfamiliar kids, retreating to each other made complete sense. They had a shared language, shared history, and zero uncertainty about how the other would respond. Dealing with the Tough Stuff When one twin is more social than the other. This was us. One daughter made friends easily. The other struggled and would cry that nobody liked her (even though that wasn’t true). My instinct was to have the social twin help her sister. Bad idea. This created dependency and prevented the quieter twin from developing her own skills. Instead, I worked with my quieter daughter separately. We practiced conversation starters. We talked about how to join a game already in progress. We built her confidence through role-play when there was no social pressure. I also had to accept that she’s naturally more introverted. The goal isn’t to turn her into her sister. It’s to give her the skills to make friends when she wants to, even if she’ll always have a smaller circle. When they melt down over separation. The first time we tried individual playdates, it did not go well. Tears, protests, the whole thing. We started smaller. One twin helped me make cookies in the kitchen while the other read with Grandma in the living room. Same house, different rooms. Then we gradually increased the distance and duration. I acknowledged their feelings without immediately rescuing them. “I know you miss your sister. She’s in the backyard with Mom. You’ll see her at lunch. Right now, you get special time with me.” The key word is “gradual.” We didn’t force dramatic separations overnight. When they genuinely prefer each other. Look, some twin pairs are truly best friends. That’s not a problem to fix. The goal isn’t to make them prefer other kids or to force them apart. It’s to make sure they have the skills to engage with others when needed (school, sports, eventually jobs and relationships). Think of it as expanding their toolkit, not replacing their favorite tool. What Works at Different Ages Toddler stage (18 months to 3 years): At this age, we focused on parallel play and didn’t expect much actual interaction. We attended toddler playgroups where the emphasis was on free play with parents nearby. The twins got comfortable being around other kids without pressure to engage. We’d bring toys to share (bubbles were a hit) and just let proximity do its work. Preschool years (3 to 5 years): This is when outside friendships really started to matter. We got more intentional about creating situations where each twin played with different kids. Birthday parties, preschool friendships, and neighborhood playmates became important. We also started talking about friends at dinner. “Who did you play with today?” Not “Did you and your sister play together?” but “Who was fun to play with?” Early elementary (5 to 8 years): We advocated for separate classrooms. This was huge. It naturally created different social circles and forced both girls to make their own friends. We also supported different after-school activities based on individual interests. Soccer for one, art club for the other. This led to separate friend groups that sometimes overlapped but weren’t identical. Working with Teachers and Caregivers We learned to communicate clearly with teachers about our goals. Most educators are happy to support twin social development when parents are specific about what they want. We asked teachers to: Intentionally pair our twins with different partners during activities Assign them to different small groups for projects Seat them separately (not as punishment, but to encourage broader friendships) Help facilitate situations where each twin develops individual friendships When to Get Professional Help Most twins develop healthy outside friendships with some parental encouragement. But sometimes you need backup. Consider talking to your pediatrician if: Your twins can’t separate without extreme distress beyond age four Neither twin shows any interest in other children, even in structured settings They’ve developed their own language that excludes typical speech Their exclusive bond seems to interfere with other developmental milestones Sometimes anxiety, autism spectrum characteristics, or language delays show up as excessive twin dependence. A professional can help you figure out what’s typical twin behavior versus something requiring intervention. Always consult with your pediatrician about your twins’ specific situation. Keeping the Balance Right Here’s what I remind myself regularly: the goal isn’t to weaken the twin bond. My girls’ relationship with each other is a gift. What we’re doing is making sure they can build other meaningful relationships too. Some days go great. I’ll watch one daughter happily play with a neighborhood kid while the other plays with a different friend, and I’ll feel like we’ve figured it out. Other days, they’re inseparable at the park, ignoring every other child, and I wonder if we’ve made any progress at all. This is normal. Social development isn’t a straight line, especially for twins who have the comfort of a built-in companion. Be patient with yourself too. Managing twin social dynamics is genuinely more complex than parenting a singleton. Separate playdates mean double the scheduling, double the driving, double the mental energy. I try to remember we’re investing in their long-term social health, not orchestrating perfect social opportunities every single day. The Payoff My girls are older now, and I can see how the effort paid off. They still have an incredibly close twin bond (they share secrets, defend each other fiercely, and prefer each other’s company in certain situations). But they also have rich, independent social lives. They’re still twins. But they’re also individuals with their own friendships, social identities, and confidence in navigating the world without always having their built-in backup. That’s the goal. Not separation, but expansion. The post Helping Your Twins Build Friendships with Other Children appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

That double stroller has been your best friend for two years. But now your twins are getting bigger, more independent, and honestly, wrestling two squirming toddlers into that beast for a quick Target run feels harder than just letting them walk. Except walking means you’ve got two little people who can dart in opposite directions while you’re standing there with exactly two hands. I’ve been there with my twin girls. That transition from strapped-in-the-stroller to walking-beside-me-in-the-parking-lot was genuinely terrifying at first. But here’s what I learned: most twins between 18 months and 3 years can master staying close through consistent verbal cues and clear boundaries. It takes patience and plenty of practice runs, but it absolutely works. Why This Stage Feels So Overwhelming Parents of singletons have it easier here, and that’s just math. They’ve got one kid and two hands. You’ve got two kids who can run in completely opposite directions, both with the impulse control of, well, toddlers. When my girls first started wanting to walk everywhere, I felt like I was constantly choosing which child to chase down while the other one headed toward traffic. Not a great feeling. You’re not being overprotective. You’re being realistic about the fact that toddlers have zero danger awareness and maximum confidence. Start Practicing at Home First Before you expect your twins to stay close at the grocery store with all its colors and excitement, practice in your own driveway. This is where they build the muscle memory without the high stakes. Pick one simple phrase and stick with it. We used “stay close” with our girls. Some families say “stay in the bubble” or “be my shadow.” Whatever you choose, use that exact phrase every single time. Don’t switch between “stay here,” “come back,” and “don’t run off.” Toddlers need that repetition. I practiced with my girls every time we walked from the car to the front door. “Okay, we’re going to practice staying close. Show me how you stay right next to Daddy.” Then I’d narrate what I saw: “Look at that! You’re both staying close. Your feet are right next to mine.” The advantage here is that home practice is low pressure. Nobody’s watching, you’re not trying to actually accomplish an errand, and if it goes badly, you’re already home. The One Non-Negotiable Rule In parking lots and crossing streets, everyone holds hands or touches the cart. Period. No exceptions, no negotiations, no “just this once.” Present this to your twins as a simple fact of life, like gravity. “In parking lots, we always hold hands. That’s the rule for everyone, always.” If one of them refuses, pick her up and carry her, saying calmly, “I see you’re having trouble with the parking lot rule. I’ll carry you to keep you safe.” Turns out, being carried is way less fun than walking. After a couple times, both your twins will chose to hold hands. Natural consequences are powerful teachers. Your First Public Outings Start small. Really small. Your first practice run shouldn’t be a full grocery trip. It should be a five-minute walk to check the mailbox together, or running into the gas station to pay. Before you get out of the car, state your expectations clearly: “When we get out, you’re both going to hold the cart with both hands. We’re going to walk together to get milk, then come right back. If you let go of the cart, we go back to the car.” Then follow through exactly. The first time one of your twins lets go, scoop her up, grab her sister, and go straight back to the car. No milk. The lesson is more important than the errand. Position yourself strategically. I kept one girl on each side of the cart. Some twin dads have each kid hold a different part of the cart. Others do a “hand chain” where one twin holds Dad’s hand and the other twin holds their sibling’s hand. Experiment to find what works for your specific twins. When They Go in Different Directions Here’s the twin-specific nightmare scenario: one bolts left toward the toy aisle while the other sprints right toward the automatic doors. Your response depends on the danger level. In low-danger settings like a fenced playground, let one twin explore briefly while you retrieve the other, then sit together for a minute. “I had to stop playing with Emma to go get Jack because he didn’t stay close. Now we all have to sit together.” Natural consequence, lesson learned. In high-danger environments like parking lots, scoop up both and carry them back to the car, one under each arm, regardless of who did what. The rule was simple: if anyone lets go, everyone gets picked up. Catch Them Doing It Right I praised my girls constantly when they stayed close. “You stayed right next to the cart through the whole cereal aisle! Well done!” This worked way better than only giving attention when they ran off. I also framed it as teamwork. “You two are such a great staying-close team today! You’re both helping keep each other safe.” Twins often motivate each other when you make safety a team effort. We find that positive reinforcement is significantly more effective than punishment for teaching toddlers new behaviors. I saw this firsthand with my girls. The more I celebrated their success, the more they wanted to succeed. What to Expect at Different Ages Understanding what’s developmentally realistic saved me a lot of frustration. At 18 months, my girls could hold my hand and walk beside me for brief periods, but they needed constant physical redirection. Expecting them to stay close through verbal commands alone was setting us all up for failure. Yes, we even used child leashes when they were prone to bolting different directions. By age 2, they could respond to “stop” or “freeze” pretty consistently, especially because we’d practiced so much. They were starting to understand cause and effect, so natural consequences actually made sense to them. By 2.5 to 3 years, both girls could internalize rules and follow them with occasional reminders. They understood “if you stay close at the store, we’ll have time to play at the park after.” But even at three, they were still toddlers. A butterfly might prove irresistible despite perfect understanding of the rules. That’s not defiance. That’s just being a toddler. Teaching Danger Awareness Along the Way While teaching my girls to stay close, I also built their understanding of why it mattered. I’d point out cars backing up: “See that car? The driver can’t see you if you’re behind it. That’s why we stay close to Daddy.” I’d notice bikes on the sidewalk: “Bikes move fast! We stand still when bikes pass.” This developed their internal safety radar rather than just teaching blind obedience. Eventually, I wanted them to recognize danger and choose safe behavior on their own, not just follow my commands without understanding why. Gradually Giving More Freedom As my girls demonstrated consistent staying-close behavior in safe environments like our neighborhood, I slowly extended their range. “You can walk three steps ahead, but when I say ‘check,’ you stop and look back at me.” We practiced this extensively before trying it anywhere with cars. I also used a visual marker: “You can go as far as you can still see my red jacket.” This gave them agency while keeping them safe. The goal was never perfect obedience at age two. The goal was building habits that would keep them safe as they grew more independent. The Good News Your twins can absolutely learn these skills. It requires consistency, patience, and probably more abandoned shopping trips than you’d like. But one day, sooner than you expect, you’ll realize you made it through Target without incident and your kids are proudly staying close. Give yourself grace. Use whatever tools work. Practice in safe spaces. Follow through with consequences every single time. Celebrate the small victories. You’re teaching two small people to navigate the world safely and simultaneously. That’s genuinely hard work. But you’re doing it, one parking lot at a time. The post Teaching Toddler Twins to Stay Close to Parents appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

The transition from two naps to one is honestly one of the trickier phases of twin parenting. I remember when my girls hit this stage around 16 months, and suddenly our predictable rhythm fell apart for a few weeks. One twin was ready, the other wasn’t, and we found ourselves managing different schedules while also trying to keep everyone from melting down by 4 p.m. Here’s what I learned from our experience and what actually works when your twins are making this shift. Quick Takeaways Most twins transition between 15-18 months, but they don’t always do it at the same time The transition period usually lasts 2-6 weeks of some days needing two naps, other days just one Aim for a midday nap around 12:30-1:00 p.m. once they’re fully transitioned Early bedtimes (sometimes 30-60 minutes earlier) can save you on rough one-nap days Your twins will eventually sync up, even if they’re on different schedules temporarily How You Know They’re Ready For One Nap Your twins might be ready to drop that morning nap when they start fighting it consistently, taking forever to fall asleep, or when one nap becomes ridiculously short (like 20 minutes). With my girls, one would lie in her crib talking to herself for 45 minutes while her sister crashed immediately. Here’s the thing though. Your twins won’t necessarily be ready at the same time. One of my daughters was clearly done with two naps a solid three weeks before her sister. This is completely normal, even though it feels frustrating when you’re trying to manage two different schedules. Research shows that even identical twins can hit developmental milestones at different times (and sleep transitions definitely count as milestones). If one twin is ready and the other isn’t, resist the urge to force them onto the same schedule right away. A twin who drops a nap too early becomes overtired, which paradoxically makes everything worse. They fight sleep harder, wake up more at night, and turn into tiny cranky humans by dinner. I learned this the hard way. What the Nap Transition Actually Looks Like The switch from two naps to one rarely happens cleanly. Most kids (twins included) go through this weird in-between phase where some days they need two naps and other days they can handle just one. This phase lasted about a month with my girls, and I honestly thought it would never end. You’ll know you’re in the transition when your twins are cranky, clumsy, rubbing their eyes constantly, or getting weirdly hyperactive in the late afternoon. These are classic overtired signs. When you see them, move bedtime earlier that night. Sometimes we’d do bedtime at 6:30 p.m. instead of our usual 7:30 p.m., and it made a huge difference. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, toddlers this age still need 11-14 hours of total sleep in a 24-hour period. If they’re only napping once, that single nap needs to be solid (usually 1.5 to 3 hours), and nighttime sleep becomes even more important. Creating a Schedule That Actually Works Once both twins are fully on one nap, you’re aiming for that nap to fall right in the middle of the day. We landed on 12:30 p.m. as our sweet spot, but anywhere between noon and 1 p.m. works for most families. Here’s what our typical day looked like: Wake up: 6:30-7:00 a.m. Nap: 12:30-2:30 or 3:00 p.m. Bedtime: 7:00-7:30 p.m. Your twins can probably handle about 5-6 hours of awake time before they need sleep at this age. So if they wake at 7 a.m., they’re ready for a nap by 12:30 p.m., then can stay up until 7:30 p.m. for bed. Adjust based on what you’re seeing from your own kids. The length of that single nap varies a lot between twins. One of my girls would sleep for three hours straight, while her sister topped out at two hours. As long as they’re getting enough total sleep and seem happy, you’re golden. When They’re on Different Schedules If your twins stay on different schedules for a while, you’re going to need some creative solutions. When one of my daughters still needed that morning nap and the other didn’t, we’d put the sleepy twin down in our bedroom while her sister had independent play time in the living room (with my wife or I nearby, supervising). Here’s what worked for us: Morning nap twin slept in a different room temporarily Non-napping twin got special “quiet time” with books or puzzles Afternoon nap stayed synchronized for both in their shared room We maintained this split schedule for about three weeks Yes, this is more work for you. There’s no getting around that. But it respects where each twin is developmentally, and honestly, they did sync up eventually. Most twins align their schedules once they’re both fully established on one nap. During this phase, the afternoon nap when both twins were sleeping can become a much needed lifeline. That is your time to recharge, get things done, or just sit quietly with a cup of coffee. Surviving the Late Afternoon Danger Zone The hours between 4 p.m. and bedtime can get rough during this transition. Your twins are tired but not quite ready for bed, and everyone’s patience is wearing thin. What helped us get through: Moving dinner earlier (sometimes as early as 5:30 p.m.) Going outside for a walk or backyard play Giving a small snack to stabilize blood sugar Starting the bedtime routine earlier than usual Doing a warm bath to help them relax If one of your twins falls asleep in the car at 5 p.m. on the way home from somewhere, wake them gently when you arrive. I know this feels wrong (who wants to wake a sleeping baby?), but a 20-minute car nap at that time will push bedtime back significantly and mess up nighttime sleep. Your evening will go much smoother if you keep them awake until proper bedtime. Managing Naps When You’re Out Life doesn’t stop just because your twins are transitioning naps. You’ll have appointments, errands, and older kids’ activities to manage. On days when you need to be out during nap time, try to preserve at least part of the nap, even if it happens in the stroller or car. I’m not going to tell you that car naps are ideal, because they’re not. But they’re better than completely skipping the nap and dealing with two meltdowns by 3 p.m. If you know you’ll be out, consider shifting the nap slightly earlier or later to capture some sleep time at home first. We also got strategic about scheduling. Doctor appointments went in the morning. Grocery runs happened right after the twins woke up from their nap. Playdates with other families? Those happened during the late morning when everyone was awake but not yet losing it. What Worked in Our House My wife and I developed a few strategies that genuinely helped during those transition weeks. We built in “bridge activities” for late morning when the girls were getting tired but weren’t quite ready for their midday nap. Our go-to quiet activities: Reading books on the couch (all of us piled together) Doing simple puzzles on the floor Playing with playdough at the kitchen table Looking at pictures from past family trips These activities were calm enough that they didn’t wind the girls up, but engaging enough that they made it to nap time without someone falling asleep on the living room floor at 11 a.m. For room-sharing twins (like ours), the single nap usually works smoothly because they’re already used to sleeping in each other’s presence. But if one twin consistently wakes the other, you might need to temporarily separate them until they’re both sleeping more soundly through the nap. The Research on Twin Sleep Development Turns out, the timing of this nap transition isn’t random. Studies show that most children drop to one nap between 15-18 months as their circadian rhythms mature and they can handle longer wake periods. What this meant for us was that even though my daughters were three weeks apart in dropping that morning nap, they both settled into a solid one-nap routine by the time they were 17 months old. The transition period felt long while we were in it, but it was actually pretty typical. The key is that total sleep matters more than when that sleep happens. According to sleep researchers, as long as your twins are getting their 11-14 hours combined between nighttime and that one nap, their brains and bodies are getting what they need to develop properly. Taking Care of Yourself This transition is exhausting for you too. You’re managing two toddlers who might be out of sorts, possibly on different schedules, and dealing with the unpredictability of not knowing if today is a one-nap day or a two-nap day. Give yourself permission to simplify everything else. When my girls were going through this, we had more screen time than usual, ate simpler meals (hello, pasta with butter three nights a week), and I said no to pretty much every optional commitment. Your twins are working hard to adjust to a new sleep pattern, and you’re working hard to help them through it. We also learned to take advantage of any overlapping sleep time, even if it was just 45 minutes to have some down time for ourselves. What Comes After Once your twins successfully transition to one nap (and they will, I promise), you’ll settle into a new rhythm that often works really well for the whole family. That single midday nap provides a predictable chunk of time in the middle of the day when you can recharge, get things done, or spend time with other kids if you have them. Most children stay on this one-nap schedule until somewhere between ages three and five. With my girls, we had nearly two years of this routine before they dropped naps entirely (which is a whole different transition I wasn’t ready for). The beautiful part is that once you’re past those transitional weeks, life gets more predictable again. You can plan your days around one nap instead of two, which actually opens up more possibilities for morning outings and activities. You’ll Get Through This I won’t lie and say the two-to-one nap transition is easy, especially with twins. Those few weeks were genuinely tough in our house. But we made it through, and so will you. Trust your instincts about what your twins need. Stay flexible when one is ready before the other. Move bedtime earlier when everyone’s exhausted. Simplify the rest of your life temporarily. And remember that this phase is just that: a phase. Before you know it, you’ll be on the other side with a predictable one-nap routine, wondering what you were so worried about. The post Navigating the Two-to-One Nap Transition with Twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Let’s be honest: even if you think you have an excellent memory, the combination of sleep deprivation and caring for two babies will quickly prove you wrong. Those early weeks with twins at home create a perfect storm of exhaustion that makes even the simplest details slip away. Here’s the reality: you’re responsible for keeping two little humans alive and thriving, but your brain feels like it’s running on fumes. That’s where logging becomes your lifeline. Why You Need to Track Everything In those first weeks, you’ll find yourself asking: Which baby ate last, and when? Who had the messy diaper an hour ago? How long have they been napping? When is the next feeding due? Did we give them their medication today? Without a system to track these details, you’ll spend precious energy trying to remember information your tired brain simply can’t hold onto reliably. The Simple Solution: Write It All Down The rule is beautifully straightforward: Just fed a baby? Write it down. Just changed a diaper? Write it down. Put them down for a nap? Write it down. Gave medication? Write it down. Choose Your Logging Method The best logging system is the one you’ll actually use consistently. Here are several options to consider: Traditional Pen and Paper Always available, no battery required Easy to leave by the changing station or nursing area Both parents can quickly jot down information Can use a twin tracking log like these Mobile Apps Baby Tracker, Glow Baby, and similar apps designed for new parents Often include helpful features like growth tracking and feeding timers Can send notifications for upcoming feedings or medication times Digital Spreadsheets Excel or Google Sheets allow for easy data analysis later Can be shared between parents for real-time updates Great for parents who love organizing data Shared Documents Google Docs or similar platforms let both parents access and update from anywhere Perfect for when one parent is at work and wants to check in on the day’s progress Father of twins Chris Wejr shared that his “mirror was covered with times as we’re trying to figure who fed at what time and how long and all those sort of things” during the chaotic first few months with his twin girls. A visible, low-tech system for tracking feeding times and durations might be all you need. Personalize Your Log for Maximum Value Eric Langenderfer, a father of identical twin boys, mentioned that while in the hospital, they were required to chart everything, which he found inconvenient on paper. When they brought the babies home, he created a small online database where he and his wife could log feedings and other activities from their phones, including timestamps. Make your logging system work for your family by including: Essential Daily Tracking Feeding times and amounts Diaper changes (wet/dirty) Sleep periods Medication schedules Special Moments First smiles, coos, or other milestones Unique twin interactions (like holding hands) Funny or memorable moments from each day Health and Development Notes Questions for the pediatrician Concerns or observations about either baby Growth measurements and appointment reminders Parent Check-ins Simple mood tracker for both parents Notes about what’s working well or causing stress Reminders to support each other Turn Your Log into a Powerful Tool Your log isn’t just a record, it’s a valuable analytical resource. After a few weeks of consistent tracking, look for patterns: Fussy periods: Does one baby get cranky at the same time each day? Sleep patterns: Are there natural rhythms you can build routines around? Feeding issues: Could certain times or amounts be causing problems? Growth trends: Are both babies developing at healthy rates? These insights can help you anticipate needs, adjust schedules, and even identify potential health concerns early. Avoid Common Logging Pitfalls Don’t aim for perfection: Missing an entry here and there won’t ruin anything. Focus on consistency over completeness. Don’t let it create stress: The log should make your life easier, not become another source of anxiety. If you’re spending more time logging than caring for your babies, scale back. Know when to ease up: As your twins develop predictable routines (usually around 8-12 weeks), you can gradually reduce the detail of your logging. Your Communication Lifeline Perhaps most importantly, your log serves as a crucial communication tool between caregivers. Instead of trying to remember and relay every detail when your partner comes home, they can quickly scan the log to understand the day’s events. This eliminates the constant “Did you feed them?” questions and helps everyone stay informed without lengthy explanations. The Bottom Line Those first weeks with twins can feel overwhelming, but a simple logging system will help you: Keep your sanity by eliminating the mental burden of remembering everything Keep your babies safe by ensuring consistent care and catching potential issues early Keep your partnership strong by improving communication and reducing stress Remember: this intense logging phase is temporary. Once routines establish and you’re getting more sleep, you’ll naturally need less detailed tracking. But during those crucial early weeks, your log will be the anchor that keeps everything organized and everyone healthy. Trust the system, write it down, and give yourself the gift of one less thing to worry about during this beautiful but challenging time. The post Why you need a daily log for your twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

With twins in the house a big point of contention will be sharing. You might think that the easy way for you as the parent would be to get two of everything. However, this surely won’t work all the time and definitely doesn’t build character. And as we all know, your job as a dad, of course, is to “build character.” Right? Twin dad Kris Lloyd noticed that even when he bought “two of everything” for his non-identical twin girls, they wouldn’t necessarily use them at the same time, and “they always want the same exact” item the other twin is currently using. He found that the second item often “hardly got used much”. This was often the case in our home where one girl always wanted what the other had even if there were two identical items. So you have to solve the root problem to get a peaceful and happy home: teach your twins how to share from a very early age. Turn Timer Be careful when trying to force sharing. Instead of forcing one twin to hand over a toy to the other, focus on the concept of taking turns between twins. One trick that worked for us was the turn timer. We used a portable kitchen timer as the “turn timer”. When our girls would fight over something we’d pull out the timer, declare that it was so-and-so’s turn now and that it would be the other’s turn when the timer went ding. We’d set the timer for a minute or two based on how long we thought our child’s attention span was. After starting the timer, we’d ask the kid with the coveted item: “What happens when the timer dings?” and make sure they understand the turn-taking process. Yes, your twins get plenty of opportunities to share between themselves and other siblings. However, they still need some help and structure to get them in the good habits you are hoping to help them develop. It does baffle me that the kids will often listen to a small kitchen timer instead of just being obedient when my wife or I ask them to do something. Oh, well. There is nothing wrong with some extra tools in the parenting toolbox. Distract If taking turns isn’t going as smoothly as you’d like, then try the old distraction technique. Say, “Hey, look at that!” or pull out another toy or delicious food item to distract the sad, I-didn’t-get-what-I-want twin. Wait a Minute Especially when your twins are young, their attention span is extremely short. This means two things: First, set the turn timer for a very short time. Second, don’t be surprised if the item they were fighting over is discarded and your twins have moved on to something else rather quickly. The good news about sharing is that typically, your twins will be sharing better and earlier when compared to other singletons their same age. Here are those tips rewritten specifically for helping twins learn to share: Model the Behavior Your twins learn by watching adults and each other. Make a point of visibly and verbally sharing things with your twins and between family members. For example, say, “I’m going to share some of my popcorn with both of you,” or “I’m sharing my book with Mommy so we can read together.” Father of twins Tim Robinson emphasizes teaching good manners and communication from a young age. He insists on phrases like “Milk please” or “Excuse me, Mommy/Daddy”. He observes that this approach helps them interact, sometimes resulting in one twin saying, “Excuse me, brother, can I have that toy please?” which he finds “the cutest thing I’ve ever seen”. Use Positive Reinforcement Praise your twins when you see them sharing with each other, even if it’s a small act. Use descriptive praise, such as, “I love how you shared your blocks with your sister. It made her so happy to build that tower together with you!” You should verbally praise your kids when they share. That will encourage this good behavior. Encourage Empathy Help your twins understand each other’s feelings. Once they are old enough to express their feelings, you can ask, “How do you think your sister (or insert the twin’s name) feels when they don’t get a turn?” or “Look how happy your brother is now that they get to play with the toy car too.” Respect Their Individual Possessions Give each twin a choice about what they are willing to share. Before playtime, let them each put away any special toys they don’t want to share with their twin. This teaches them that their individual possessions are respected and may make them more willing to share other items. Help your twins understand that some items belong specifically to each of them, while others are family toys meant for sharing. Use labels, special boxes, or designated spaces to make these boundaries clear. Play Cooperative Games Engage your twins in games that require teamwork and turn-taking, such as building a tower with blocks together, doing a puzzle as a team, or playing simple board games. This helps them practice working together as twins in a fun, low-pressure environment. Read Books About Sharing Use story time as an opportunity to teach your twins about sharing and kindness together. Many children’s books feature siblings or characters who learn the importance of sharing, which can be especially relatable for twins navigating their unique relationship. Create “Twin Time” and “Individual Time” Set aside specific periods where twins must share and play together, but also ensure each twin gets individual time with toys and activities. This balance helps them appreciate both togetherness and personal space. Teach “Twin Negotiation” Skills Since twins will be navigating shared resources their whole lives, teach them phrases like “Can we take turns?” or “How about we play together?” rather than just taking toys from each other. Be Mindful of Comparison Avoid saying things like “Why can’t you share like your sister does?” Instead, focus on each child’s individual growth in sharing skills. Twins Advantage: Learning to Share Early Your twins have shared even the very basics of life since they were in-utero and waiting to be born. There they shared nourishment from mother as well as very tight living quarters. After birth, your twins will share feeding times, cribs, clothes, and toys. Out of necessity and circumstances, your twins have been sharing from the very beginning. This is a great advantage to them, and to you as the twin parent, as it will accustom your twins to both the need to share and their ability to do so. Technically, you can probably buy duplicates of many things and avoid sharing. But that won’t work for everything. The biggest thing that your twins will share is your time. You can’t buy any more of this precious resource. You will have to split your attention between your twin little ones on many occasions. There are some things in life that your twins will always have to share, and this is one of those things. We’ve seen our girls have a great propensity to share and help each other even from a very young age. Take advantage of the sharing situation your twins will have and help reinforce and nurture this sharing characteristic in your twins. The sharing habit will benefit them (and you) throughout their lives. Pictures by Nate Davis and surlygirl The post How to Teach Your Twins to Share appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

One of the challenges with twins is that they get sick. Sickness doesn’t always strike both twins simultaneously. Your twins will catch a cold, get the flu, have a stomach bug, or come down with any number of other contagious illnesses. This brings up the question: how do you keep one twin healthy when the other is sick? Is it Worth it? Every time one of our twins get sick, we have to ask ourselves: does it matter if the other kids get sick too? Is this one of those colds or stomach bugs that they’ll get eventually anyway? Does this “build their immunity”? These are very subjective questions and the answers really depend on your parenting style. Generally speaking in our house, if the child doesn’t have a fever, we aren’t too concerned if the other kids catch it. That said, when in doubt, always give your pediatrician a call. Many parents of twins find it’s often a losing battle to prevent the healthy twin from getting sick. Rather than focusing solely on prevention, it may be more helpful to also prepare for the inevitable, such as by stocking up on sick-day essentials for both children. Father of twins Aaron Ameen shared his experience that since all three of his young children attend daycare, they experience a “revolving door of sickness”. He observed that illness completely overthrows any established routines and systems, making it a particularly tough time for parents, especially if the parents also fall sick. When the children are sick, they don’t sleep as well, requiring one or both parents to take time off work, which creates practical challenges for working parents. Separate Them Keeping your twins from spreading their germs is an almost impossible task. When your twins are infants, you can’t teach them good health habits and they can’t take care of themselves. Toddlers and older kids don’t always practice good hygiene, will forget to cover their coughs and sneezes, and tend to do a poor job washing their hands. If you want to improve your odds of preventing the spread of the illness, you could isolate your sick twin in his or her room. Avoid sharing clothes, toys, towels, kitchen supplies, etc. that the sick twin uses. Twin dad Tim Brien shared that when one of his kindergarten-aged twins gets sick, the other also has a “really, really hard time,” and they usually keep both children home from school. He also mentioned that when both of his two-and-a-half-year-old twins were sick, they amazingly tried to take care of each other. Think Sanitation Keeping your whole family healthy starts before anyone gets sick. Teach your twins good practices like how to effectively wash their hands. We like to have our kids sing “Happy Birthday” twice while scrubbing their hands so they know they washed long enough. Teach your twins to cough or sneeze into a tissue or into their elbow or sleeve. They should never sneeze or cough into their hands. You should not stress excessively about sanitizing the entire house. It’s okay to let everyone get sick and recover, rather than making yourself crazy trying to prevent it. Balance what is right for your family and situation. Lower Your Expectations During a sick period, it’s okay to let routines and schedules slide. The focus should be on getting everyone through the illness, not on maintaining a perfect schedule. This includes being more relaxed about screen time or a lack of routine. Keep Yourself Healthy You are the primary caregiver, and if you get sick, it makes caring for your twins (especially if one or both is sick) much more difficult. While caring for your sick twin(s) make sure that you do everything you can to stay healthy. Eat well, get your rest, and wash your hands. If you get sick on top of having to care for sick kids, things will get really tough. The best sick times in our family are when my wife and I take turns being sick. This way there is always a parent available to carry the load while the other recovers. Father of twins Chris Titus described an instance where his wife was sick, and he took over the entire nighttime shift to care for their twin infants so she could get a full night’s rest and recover. This highlights the importance of proactive teamwork between you and your partner, especially when one parent is ill. Sometimes instead of an illness, one twin gets injured and the other twin is totally fine. Instead of worrying about cross contamination, you’ll need to shift attention to care and recovery. Here’s an example of when one of our twin daughters needed stitches. Picture by Kourtlyn Lott The post How to Keep One Twin Healthy When the Other is Sick appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

We’ve got identical girls and often rely on their mannerisms and personalities to tell them apart. If you rely on this too, or hope to, be careful: twins switch personality traits at will. For example, one of our infant girls would be shy one week while the other was a social butterfly. Just when you thought that was the pattern, they switched and the social standout would cry hysterically with strangers. Go figure. We’ve seen switching of twin personalities and traits from an early age in all these cases: who is a good eater who is a wiggle worm who wakes up first who takes good naps who drinks her bottle in one sitting who smiles at strangers who makes what sounds (when our girls weren’t talking yet) who steals toys from the other So if you want to keep your twins straight, particularly if they are identical, combine multiple data points in identifying each. Combine personality traits and even subtle visual clues to properly identify who is who. It is fascinating to watch the switcheroo happen. Just keep your eyes open and enjoy the journey. Twin dad Todd Courtney observed that his identical twin boys would “flip back and forth” in terms of being empowered or following, with “role reversals that happened throughout their childhood” Jonathan Snowden, father of twin girls, noted that his daughters, Elizabeth and Lucy, do not “stick to, like, one characteristic or act a certain way” but “interchange with each other”. He explained that one day Elizabeth might be the loud and active one, and the next day Lucy would take on that role, as “they just interchange with each other with their personalities.” Andy Slinger, a father of identical twin boys, observed that his twins’ personalities would switch over time. He noted that as his boys grew up, they “jumped between different personality types”, with one sometimes being the leader and then the other taking on that role. What Does the Science Say About Twin Personalities? Personality is about 50% heritable. Extensive twin studies have consistently found that roughly half of the variance in personality traits is attributable to genetics. This is based on comparing identical twins (who share 100% of their genes) to fraternal twins (who share about 50% of their genes). Identical twins are consistently more similar in personality, even when raised apart, which provides strong evidence for the role of genetics. The remaining half of personality variance is attributed to “non-shared environment.” This refers to unique experiences that one twin has that their twin does not. These are not shared family events, but individual experiences like different friendships, teachers, illnesses, or even a different reaction to the same shared family environment. This is the key factor that causes even identical twins to have distinct personalities. The post Twins Personalities Switch appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Having two newborns simultaneously can feel overwhelming, but establishing a predictable schedule is your secret weapon for maintaining sanity and helping your twin babies thrive. Think of your twins as having a completely blank calendar when they arrive and it’s up to you to fill it with the structure they need for healthy development. Creating and sticking to a consistent schedule for sleep, feeding, and play will not only benefit your twins’ development but also give you and your partner precious opportunities to rest, recharge, and tackle household tasks. The effort you invest in establishing these routines now will pay huge dividends as your twins grow. We tried to keep our twin girls on the same schedule as much as possible. We found that helped create a more predictable routine in our home. Here are some things to consider when managing your newborn twins’ schedule: Choosing the Right Twin Newborn Schedule for Your Family Consider Your Support System The type of schedule that works best for your twins depends largely on your family’s unique situation: If you have helpers (partner, family, or hired help): Synchronized schedule works best: have both twins eat, sleep, and play at the same times This allows adults to rest together during sleep periods Enables tag-team parenting during awake times Makes household management more efficient If you’re flying solo during certain hours and synchronized doesn’t work: Staggered schedule might be your lifesaver, offset twins’ schedules by 1-2 hours Prevents the chaos of two hungry, crying babies simultaneously Allows you to give individual attention to each baby Gives you brief breaks between feeding and care sessions Tim Murray, father of identical twin girls who were six weeks old when he shared his story on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast, explained their feeding strategy. During the day when both parents were present, they found it easiest to feed the twins at the same time, with one parent taking each baby. At night, they intentionally staggered their feedings to manage the workload and prevent both babies from being “apoplectic”. He also mentioned trying to keep their daughter at home on a three-hour feeding schedule (12, 3, 6, and 9) similar to the twin that was still in the NICU. Example Twin Newborn Daily Schedule It’s important to understand that your newborn twins’ schedule is not a strict, by-the-clock routine. In the first few weeks and months of life, your twins’ day is primarily dictated by their basic needs: eating, sleeping, and a little bit of “awake time” for interaction and diaper changes. Their sleep-wake cycle isn’t fully developed yet, so they won’t distinguish between day and night right away. The following is not a strict schedule, but a general example of a 24-hour pattern you can expect with newborns, based on the principle of “eat, activity, sleep.” This is a helpful framework to follow, but be prepared for flexibility and to respond to your twins’ cues. Morning: 7:00 AM: Wake up and feed. 7:30 AM – 8:30 AM: “Play” time (or, more accurately, quiet awake time). This can include a diaper change, a little tummy time, cuddling, or simply talking to your baby. 8:30 AM: Sleep. Midday: 10:30 AM: Wake up and feed. 11:00 AM – 12:00 PM: Awake time, including a diaper change and gentle interaction. 12:00 PM: Sleep. Afternoon: 2:00 PM: Wake up and feed. 2:30 PM – 3:30 PM: Awake time, diaper change, and more interaction. 3:30 PM: Sleep. Evening (Cluster Feeding & Winding Down): 5:30 PM: Wake up and feed. 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM: Awake time. This might be a good time for a warm bath, baby massage, or quiet cuddle time to prepare for the night. 7:00 PM: Sleep. 9:00 PM: Wake up and feed (often a “cluster feed” where they feed more frequently). 9:30 PM – 10:00 PM: Diaper change and a final check-in. 10:00 PM: Bedtime. Overnight: 1:00 AM: Wake up and feed. 1:30 AM: Diaper change, if needed. Keep lights low and interaction minimal to teach the difference between day and night. 1:45 AM: Back to sleep. 4:00 AM: Wake up and feed. 4:30 AM: Diaper change, minimal interaction. 4:45 AM: Back to sleep. The Art of Consistency and Flexibility Staying Consistent Once you’ve chosen your approach, commitment is key. This means: If both twins are on synchronized feeding schedules but only one wakes up hungry, you’ll need to gently wake the other twin for feeding Following through even when you’re tired (and you will be tired) Trusting the process: your twins will eventually adapt to your lead When to Be Flexible Remember, you’re working with tiny humans, not robots. Be prepared to adjust when: Your twins show signs they’re ready for longer stretches between feedings Growth spurts temporarily disrupt established patterns Sleep needs change as they develop (this will happen frequently in the first year) One twin consistently struggles with the current schedule Kyle Mongold, father of two sets of twins, provided a detailed schedule for his four-week-old boy/girl twins. He stated, “The babies are eating every three hours. I think we’re on the midnight, 3:00, 6:00, 9:00 feeding schedule.” He described getting up at 6:00 AM to feed, then showering, and spending time with his older boys before work. He would return home at noon to feed a baby, then again at 6:00 PM. The older boys would go to bed around 7:00-7:30 PM, and he would feed the babies again at 9:00 PM and midnight. What to Expect: The Reality Check The First Year Timeline Weeks 0-12: Expect chaos with frequent feedings every 2-3 hours around the clock Months 3-6: Gradual establishment of more predictable patterns Months 6-12: Longer sleep stretches and more structured daytime routines Twin-Specific Challenges Double the night wakings: Even with good schedules, expect interrupted sleep Feeding logistics: Whether bottle or breastfeeding, feeding two babies requires planning Individual differences: Your twins may have different temperaments and needs despite being born together Chris Titus, father of boy/girl twins, mentioned that his eleven weeks old twins’ sleep was not as consistent as he would have liked, but was improving. He noted they were entering a phase beyond just “sleep, eat, go to the bathroom”. For daytime feedings, he and his wife fed them at the same time, with one parent taking each twin. At night, they would stagger their feedings to avoid having both babies crying simultaneously. Tips for Newborn Schedule Success Getting Started Start early: Begin establishing routines in the first few weeks Track patterns: Use apps or simple logs to identify natural rhythms Communicate with your partner: Make sure you’re both following the same plan Be patient: It takes 4-6 weeks for routines to really take hold Making It Work Prepare supplies in advance: Have bottles, diapers, and burp cloths staged and ready Create a calm environment: Dim lights for nighttime feedings, bright lights for daytime Stay flexible during growth spurts: Temporary disruptions are normal and expected Newborn Twins Schedules and You Yes, having newborn twins is hectic! It is probably more intense than anything you’ve experienced before. The first year will test your limits, but remember that establishing good schedules early is an investment in your family’s future happiness and well-being. You don’t need to be perfect, and you don’t need to follow anyone else’s exact formula. Pay attention to your twins’ cues, trust your instincts, and adjust as needed. With some planning, consistency, and a healthy dose of patience, you’ll develop a rhythm that works for your unique family. Remember: every twin dad has felt overwhelmed at the beginning. You’re not alone in this, and it does get easier as you and your babies find your groove together. Picture by Len Currie The post Newborn Twins Schedule: Setting Up Your Babies for Success appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Taking care of one child is already going to require a lot of sacrifice on your end, but having twins is automatically going to double your efforts and your financial needs. You can save a lot of money if you know where to shop and what you can get for free (or at least with a discount). There are actually a lot of stores out there that offer discounts and a lot of free stuff for twins if you follow their shopping promos and keep an eye on store offers. While many programs aren’t specifically for twins, every little bit helps. See which of the following could help find free stuff for twins: Brands & Programs Offering Samples or Rewards These programs let you try products for free: Enfamil Free Products There is also the option to become a member of Family Beginners in Enfamil. Enfamil offers free baby products if you sign up for them right after your babies are born (you can inquire about it from your doctor) or you could give them a call to sign up for their membership network. This not only guarantees free stuff for twins but also lets you receive coupons that you can later use for discounted shopping. Beech Nut Product Coupons for Twins Call Beech Nut to get a special packet of discounts and some free samples for your twins. Call 1-800-233-2468 to make your request. Gerber Baby Food Discounts As a parent of twins, Gerber will give you coupons for discounts on their different lines of food products. Call 1-800-443-7237 to request a packet for parents of twins. Pampers Club Earn points from purchases which are redeemable for diaper samples, gifts, toys, coupons. Similac Provides formula samples and a free Shutterfly baby book among other perks. Retailers With Free Baby Registry Boxes Many major retailers offer welcome kits or boxes full of baby essentials when you create a registry. While most require minimum spending or shipping, they can still offer great value (especially with twins). Retailers tend to only let you get one welcome box even if you’re having twins. So you get get more volume by trying multiple of these offers: Amazon Baby Registry Welcome Box Get a free welcome box (swaddle, bottles, diapers, wipes, coupons) by creating a registry, adding 10 items, and having at least $10 purchased. Available to Amazon Prime members. Target Baby Registry Welcome Kit Register with Target and add 10+ items, then spend $10+ (you or someone from your registry) to unlock a welcome kit full of samples, bottles, diapers, lotions, and coupons. It’s valued at over $100. Walmart Baby Registry Welcome Box Create a baby registry and request the free Baby Box. Ensure your registry has been active for seven days. Add a minimum of 20 items to your registry. Have over $25 of purchases from your registry, either by you or others. Contains sample products like Pampers, wipes, pacifiers, etc. Availability may vary. Babylist Hello Baby Box Requires adding 3 Babylist store items and 3 from other stores to your registry. Then spend (or a gift giver spends) $30, plus a shipping fee (around $9). Includes a great mix of items like bottles, diapers, swaddles. Macy’s Baby Registry Gift Box Register with Macy’s and purchase $50+ of items; pay a small shipping fee ($6.50). Box includes baby clothes, diapers, pacifiers, and more. Nonprofits & Local Support Resources Facebook Buy Nothing Groups/Nextdoor: Seek out local groups where neighbors give away baby items like toys and clothing. These community-based groups are excellent for finding free, secondhand baby gear from people in your area. Hospitals and Pediatricians: Many provide free samples of diapers, formula, and skincare products upon request. You’ll be at the doctor a lot during the pregnancy and with newborns so don’t forget to ask for samples! Many local organizations and mutual aid networks offer diapers, formula, and gear for low-income families. If you need help beyond retailer samples and registries, look for your local food pantries, United Way or the National Diaper Network. You may receive formula, diapers, or other essentials through WIC or hospital programs. Where to Start For variety and convenience: Start with Amazon, Target, or Babylist registry boxes. Looking for formula or breastfeeding supplies: Try Enfamil, Similac, or Gerber. Want diapers: Use rewards programs like Pampers. Want more tips on saving money with twins? I talk more about this in Chapter Eight of my book, the Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. Picture by Manda. The post Free Stuff for Twins (Plus Discounts for Twins) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Once you find out that you are expecting twins, your mind races with tons of concerns and questions. Whether you’ve had children already or not, a twin pregnancy brings new unknowns that frankly can be overwhelming. It’s time to talk with your doctor. Talking to Your Doctor You’ll want to find a good doctor that you can trust and with whom you can have a comfortable relationship. You need to feel comfortable asking any questions and asking follow-ups if you still have concerns. But what should you ask when you go to the doctor? Example Questions to Ask Your Doctor Twin Pregnancy What can I expect during my pregnancy with twins? How will this pregnancy be different from a singleton pregnancy? When should we expect to feel movement with our twins? What are the risks associated with a twin pregnancy, and how can I manage them? Are my doctor visits based on my actual due date or my realistic due date (measurements of both me and the babies)? Mom’s Health During Pregnancy How often will I need to see a doctor for prenatal care, and what tests will be performed? How much weight I am I expected to gain? Exactly what does that mean in terms of how much more I should be eating? How can I make sure I’m getting enough nutrients and calories to support two babies? How much water should I drink each day? Can I exercise? What kinds are approved for moms of “high risk” pregnancies? What are the chances I’ll have to go on bed rest? What is cervical length screening and when will you check mine? Twins’ Health in Womb What are the possible complications with twins and when should I worry? Are my twins identical or fraternal, and how does this affect my care plan? Do my twins share a placenta (monochorionic) or have separate placentas (dichorionic)? How will you monitor for twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) if my twins share a placenta? How often will you measure each baby’s growth individually? What happens if one twin is significantly smaller than the other? How will you monitor for cord entanglement or compression? Medication & Medical History: Are any of my current medications unsafe for twin pregnancy? How does my medical history (previous pregnancies, chronic conditions, family history) specifically impact twin pregnancy risks? What over-the-counter medications should I avoid? Genetic/Screening Questions: Should we consider additional genetic testing given that we’re having twins? How accurate are standard screening tests (like cell-free DNA testing) for twin pregnancies? If one twin has a genetic condition, what are our options? Work/Lifestyle Planning: At what point in pregnancy should I plan to stop working or reduce hours? What accommodations might I need at work during pregnancy? When should we consider modifying daily activities or household responsibilities? Specialized Care: Will I need to see a maternal-fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist), and if so, when? Should I work with a nutritionist or dietitian during my pregnancy? What additional specialists might I need during this pregnancy? Emergency Preparedness: What’s your protocol if I go into labor when you’re not available? Which emergency room should I go to if I have concerns outside office hours? Should I have a backup birth plan if complications arise? Delivery Planning: Will my delivery be based on my actual due date or realistic twin pregnancy due date? What is your policy on delivery timing for twins (at what week do you typically recommend delivery)? If I’m planning a vaginal delivery, what happens if the first baby is born vaginally but the second needs a C-section? What type of anesthesia options are available during twin delivery? How many medical staff will be present during delivery, and what are their roles? What is your experience delivering twins vaginally? What are the chances that I will need a cesarean delivery, and what are the risks and benefits of this procedure? How can I prepare for the birth of my twins, and what can I expect during labor and delivery? What is your experience delivering twins via C-section? At how many weeks will you schedule a c-section? Do you have rights to deliver at my hospital? Does my hospital have at least a Level II NICU? How flexible can my birth plan be given the unpredictability of twin delivery? What decisions might need to be made quickly during delivery that I should think about now? What happens if one or both babies are breech? Practical Considerations: What are the signs of pre-term labor I should be looking for? What do I do if I experience them? What symptoms warrant an immediate call or trip to the hospital? Should I take any additional supplements beyond standard prenatal vitamins? Are there any specific warning signs unique to twin pregnancies I should know about? What are your policies about travel during twin pregnancy? How will you coordinate care if I need to be hospitalized before delivery? What should I pack differently in my hospital bag for a twin delivery? Postpartum: How long should I expect to stay in the hospital after delivery, assuming no complications? What are the common complications that can arise after the birth of twins, and how can they be treated? What support resources do you recommend for new parents of twins? How will breastfeeding twins be different, and what support is available? What should I expect for my recovery compared to a singleton birth? What does pediatric care look like immediately after birth for twins? How soon after birth will I be able to hold both babies? When will the babies’ first pediatrician appointment be scheduled? What are the signs of postpartum depression/anxiety, especially with twins? NICU Considerations: What’s the likelihood my babies will need NICU care, and for how long? Can you arrange a NICU tour before delivery? What should I know about NICU policies for parents (visiting, feeding, etc.)? Partner/Family Support: What role should my partner play during appointments and delivery? How can my partner best support me during this high-risk pregnancy? What should family members know about helping during pregnancy and after birth? Long-term Health: Will having twins affect my future pregnancies? What health risks should I monitor for myself long-term after a twin pregnancy? Insurance/Financial: What additional costs should we expect with twin pregnancy care? Does insurance cover all the extra monitoring and potential NICU stays? Make Your List of Questions Take some time to review the list of questions above and note those that are important to you. Also brainstorm with your spouse or partner the additional questions that you have. Write them down and take the list with you to your next doctor’s visit. This way you won’t forget in the moment what you wanted to ask. Once you make your list, double check it to make sure you’ve got what you need. I talk more health care concerns of the twin pregnancy in Chapter Two of my book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins: How to Survive the Twin Pregnancy and Prepare for Your Twins. What other questions do you think expectant parents of twins should ask the doctor during the twin pregnancy? Leave a comment and let us know. The post Questions to Ask Your Doctor When Expecting Twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 327 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Stephen Dause, father of twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Finding out they’d have twins just after 24 year old adopted son moved out Concerns and anxiety about sleep and wife’s health Going to the hospital twice during pregnancy Choosing a MFM specialist over traditional OB TAPS and TTTS monitoring At 34 weeks, gestational hypertension sent Mom to hospital C-section delivery Emergency hysterectomy to stop bleeding after birth Dad’s emotions dealing with traumatic birth experience Power outage when they got home from hospital Taking time off work to take care of babies and his wife Child care plans – finding a daycare Daily schedule for 4.5 month olds and more… Connect with Stephen via his twin dad posts on Reddit here. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe Rawlinson (Host): Yes, your twin pregnancy and delivery may have some crazy surprises. Today on the podcast we’re talking with a twin dad who shares his experience of how their delivery did not quite go according to plan. Now there was a huge surprise after their twin girls were born in the operating room, how they overcame that challenge and more today on the podcast. Welcome to the dad’s guide to twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the dad’s guide to twins, Joe Rawlinson. Hey everybody. Welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re with me today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetowins.com where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes and tons of resources to help you along your twin parenting journey. Today’s episode is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It is called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins, How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book will guide you through those first several years with your twins to help you overcome the common challenges that you’ll be facing. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at RaisingTwinsBook.com. Today we are continuing our Father of Twins interview series with the Father of Twin Girls who are happy and healthy now, but there were some hiccups and some surprises that were a little bit scary in the pregnancy and during delivery that we’re going to talk about today on the episode. Today I’d like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Stephen Dause. Welcome to the show, Stephen. Stephen Dause (Guest): Thank you. Current Age and Twin Interactions Joe Rawlinson: Stephen, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age? Stephen Dause: They are four and a half months. Something exciting about this age that just happened, started happening maybe a couple weeks ago was I noticed they started talking and babbling and cooing to each other just with, and sometimes when they’re both lying down, they’ll look at each other and start talking, especially if we hold them to each other’s face and they just smile and laugh. It’s really something special because that’s something that parents of multiples get to experience, I guess, that singletons don’t exactly in the same way. So it’s pretty neat. Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, that’s one of the joys we have as dads of twins. We can watch that happen between our twins. Let’s rewind a little bit back in time to when you found out that you’d be having twins? What was your family situation like at that time? Family Situation When Finding Out About Twins Stephen Dause: Well, so when we found out, we had recently helped our 24-year-old adopted son move out. He was 16 when we adopted him eight years ago, and we slowly helped him mature and become independent, and we had just sort of become empty-nesters, so to speak. And then we found out we were pregnant, and started the process of welcoming, or so we thought, at least one biological kid into the family. Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, that’s quite a transition there between an adult and having babies right on the heels of that. What was the experience like from your perspective with the twin pregnancy? How did that progress? Twin Pregnancy Experience Stephen Dause: It was pretty challenging. My first reaction was just anxiety over not being able to get enough sleep, especially because I have some health conditions that already make that difficult for me. And then it quickly turned into anxiety over making sure my wife was healthy and that the twins were healthy and growing properly. She was quite nauseous, especially early on, but throughout the pregnancy, we had to take her to the hospital twice and I guess around week 14 or 15. Thankfully, all she needed was fluids, but she just couldn’t keep anything down, so they were able to give her an IV. As we move further along, we started ultrasounds to monitor for TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome as well as TAPS. A lot of monitoring things got very hard for her very quickly. I started taking over various things that she couldn’t do anymore or was very difficult for her to do. She also has a kidney disease which made her pregnancy high risk to start in addition to the high risk of the twin pregnancy itself. So we had a lot to watch out for, but thankfully her kidneys performed just fine throughout the pregnancy. But it was definitely, we were on pins and needles kind of throughout, just waiting for something to break bad. Joe Rawlinson: Yeah. So for listeners, TAPS is twin anemia polycythemia sequence, which is a mouthful. That’s just why they use the acronym for that. So how did TAPS and TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome even come up on your radar during the pregnancy? Medical Care and Monitoring Stephen Dause: We planned to continue seeing our normal obstetrician, but I did decide to consult with an MFM at around 18 weeks, Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist, and they thought it was fine to continue seeing our OB, but they did definitely recommend, they monitor for TTTS, which our OB knew about, but our OB didn’t know about TAPS. They were happy to try to monitor for it, but the ultrasound technicians actually weren’t really qualified to do it at the normal OB place. So we ended up transferring care eventually entirely to the MFM. And yeah, we at one time or another, they saw some potentially suspicious readings, then they would take a reading the next week and it would be fine. So neither of those actually became… The girls didn’t get diagnosed with either of those, but we were definitely watching for it closely. Joe Rawlinson: So were you with the MFM all the way up to delivery? Stephen Dause: Yes. Joe Rawlinson: Even when it came to delivery, that same doctor was there? Stephen Dause: It wasn’t one particular doctor. There was actually about seven of them at the hospital where we were and we would see, sometimes it would be the same doctor, but we didn’t really know who we were going to see. As it happened, our favorite one of them was on rotation at the hospital, which is separate from the clinic the week that we ended up delivering so that was great. We have a great relationship with her. But I guess that was the primary downside actually of seeing the MFM clinic is that it was a lot of different doctors. It could be a little bit of challenging because you never know who’s actually going to be there when the babies are ready to be born. Joe Rawlinson: I guess if you were able to meet with all of them in one form or another, then at least you were familiar with them at the time. Well, so despite the extra monitoring and some of the extra stress week to week, it seemed like the pregnancy did go pretty smoothly leading up to delivery. Stephen Dause: Yes. The only thing was around 34 weeks, she developed pre-gestational hypertension, which then led to delivery at 35 weeks. Delivery Decision Joe Rawlinson: Tell us a little bit about that. How did that? That just came up on a weekly visit test and then what? Stephen Dause: Yeah. It was a little funny. The last ultrasound we did, they said, “Well, it took them a long time to find the girls’ middle cerebral arteries.” Two of the MFM specialists were in there, both operating the ultrasound machine. And then they said, “Okay, your girls look fine, but your blood pressure is really high. We want you to go to the hospital right now.” And that was Friday, and my wife ended up staying there until delivery on Tuesday. Her symptoms were not too bad. She developed a headache, some lightheadedness, but it was slowly getting worse. They basically told us, “We want to stop this before it gets any worse, and you go off a cliff and really start to feel bad and develop actual preeclampsia or even worse, eclampsia, and it’s not going to help that much for the babies to last another day or two, and you’re not going to make it to another week. We’re going to deliver you ASAP, basically.” Joe Rawlinson: How did you take that news? Stephen Dause: We were at 34 weeks when she went to the hospital, so we were prepared as well as we could be. And we talked to the doctors Friday, and then there were some doctors that visited us over the weekend. So it was a slow transition to realizing, “Oh, okay, this could happen soon. Oh, this is really likely. Okay, that’s going to happen.” And at that point, since we were already in the hospital, we knew she wasn’t going to leave before the babies were delivered and we trusted them enough to say, “Okay, it’s time to deliver. Let’s go.” The Delivery Experience Joe Rawlinson: So when it came time for the delivery, tell us about that experience. Was it going into it? Was it what you were hoping for or planning for, or did you have some surprises? Stephen Dause: Up until delivery was pretty normal. They, of course, got my wife prepped and took her back there and eventually called me back to watch the delivery itself. And I sat back there and couldn’t see anything. They made sure I sat down just so I couldn’t see anything because they didn’t want me to pass out, which was fine. Joe Rawlinson: This was for a C-section, right? Stephen Dause: Yeah. My wife wanted to do a C-section from the beginning, and they were on board with that so they didn’t try to induce or anything like that. We just told them that we wanted to do a C-section and they worked us into the schedule. I was in the OR watching just the doctors top of their heads really. It was really quiet, I guess I couldn’t really hear them talking to each other. Eventually, they brought out Baby A and said, “Here she is.” They actually said her name. They said both names of the girls because we told them who was who, so that was really special. Then, after both were delivered, I remember they told me that I could go over and look at one of them. I just briefly interacted with Baby A, and they told me that they were having some trouble breathing, but at least for baby A, she was doing okay with a CPAP. So then I went back to tell my wife that. But before I could tell her that, a nurse came over and said, “Hey, here’s what’s happening, Mrs. Dause. Basically, we’re trying everything we can to get your uterus to contract, but it’s not, and you’re bleeding pretty badly, and so we’ve got some more things we can try, but we might have to do a hysterectomy.” The Emergency Situation Stephen Dause: That was when I looked down at the floor and noticed that there was an awful lot of blood, and that was rather disconcerting. Things progressed, they gave her some medication to put in her mouth. She looked over at me and said, “Stephen, are they jumping on me?” And I said, “No, they’re working hard back there, but I am pretty sure they’re not jumping on you, dear.” Although it feels like that. So she was not in pain, but just kind of confused and groggy from the drugs she was given, obviously. And it was, they were doing more than they would have had to at that point for just a normal C-section wrap-up. Joe Rawlinson: Had she had any interactions with the babies at this point? Stephen Dause: She saw them when they were delivered, just, you know, like five seconds here they are. But other than that, no, which was hard. So, yeah, and I’d really only seen one. Around the time this was happening, they explained to me that both babies needed to go to the NICU because they needed to receive more care in helping them breathe. They were still both having trouble breathing. I just have a very clear memory in my mind. That was sort of the peak freak out moment when my daughters are leaving. I can’t really do anything to help them right now. And I’m just standing, sitting here helpless as my wife is being operated on. Pretty shortly after that, my wife is actually much better at telling this part of the story, but she sort of called out to the doctor’s name and said like, “Look, I wasn’t planning on having any more kids. I know you’ve tried your best, but I need to be there for my girls, so please do whatever you can to save my life and do it as quickly as possible.” And so the doctor basically said, “Got it? Understood. We’re going to transition our work to just doing that emergency hysterectomy.” Emergency Hysterectomy Decision Stephen Dause: They explained that a couple more doctors who are oncologists, but also, specializing in hysterectomies generally, were going to come in to do the surgery and they said it’s not that we can’t do it, but they are the best at it. So we thought, “Great, let’s get them in here.” The anesthesiologist asked my wife whether she wanted to go under and just be knocked out fully because once the baby is delivered, there’s no risk anymore to them obviously from general anesthesia. My wife actually asked me and I said, “Well, I don’t know, do what you want.” And she said, “I think I want to be knocked out.” And I said, “I think I would want to be knocked out too.” Another memory I have from around that time is when asking, she asked the anesthesiologist, “Is this an emergency?” And the anesthesiologist sort of looked at her warmly and said, “I’m not going to lie to you, dear. Yes, this is an emergency.” At that point, as they started to put her under, I was asked, I was taken out because there’s no real need for me to be there anymore. Joe Rawlinson: Do they tell you what to expect? Like how long it was going to take or? Stephen Dause: No, I had no idea. And I didn’t really ask either. I guess partly because the nurse sort of took me out to the recovery room, said, “Here you are. Let us know if you want to go see your daughters and I need to go now.” So I said, “Okay.” Yes, I definitely want to see my daughters. I just waited until the NICU team said that I could come down, and that was about 15 minutes. Waiting Alone Joe Rawlinson: So you were just sitting alone with your thoughts for 15 minutes after all this craziness? Stephen Dause: Yes. It was not a good experience. It’s embarrassing, but I asked ChatGPT what the odds of surviving an emergency hysterectomy are, which it said something like there’s a 1 to 8% chance of death even though if you’re in an advanced hospital the odds are probably lower. I was like, “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m in an advanced hospital, so I’ll just hope and pray that she does all right.” In addition to that, I was texting my family with an update, but I didn’t really know what to tell them exactly because the girls were doing okay, they were in the NICU, and so obviously that was good, but I didn’t know how much my wife wanted to share. As it turns out, she wasn’t very private about this at all, but I didn’t know that at the time. So I also kind of felt alone in processing what was happening because I wasn’t fully sharing what was happening with anyone. Joe Rawlinson: I totally overwhelming experience because that’s not what you were expecting just minutes earlier. Stephen Dause: Right. I knew abstractly that it was a possibility that this could happen because we signed or she signed the paperwork and I looked at it and it did mention a hysterectomy as something that you have to agree to beforehand. But I never really considered it or considered what to do, what to tell people if something like that did happen. I wish that I had at least thought about it, discussed it just very briefly beforehand to have a kind of loose plan in mind and be a little more emotionally prepared for it. Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, I mean that paperwork, when you read all the details, it’s kind of scary, overwhelming as well, right? And you’re like, all these things could possibly happen. And you’re like, well, I still want to have these babies, we still need to have these babies, so… Stephen Dause: Right. And it’s not like I’m not gonna sign the paper and go through with this, right? And I guess I wasn’t scared by the paper at the time because no one really told us like, no one really talked to us about this possibility. They might have just skimmed over it, but I didn’t, you know, I signed medical paperwork for all kinds of things and, you know, none of the bad scenarios had really happened to me during surgery before. So I just kind of put it out of my mind. First Visit to the NICU Joe Rawlinson: So then the NICU staff came and got you and take you up to see your girls. So what was that moment like when you were able to see them again? Stephen Dause: That was very special and just kind of, I mean, I’m a pretty laid back guy, but there’s a picture of me holding one of them with just the biggest grin on my face. And I was just so happy to be with them. They, by the time I got down there, they both were doing very well. The NICU staff was very happy. They said, really, baby A only needed help breathing with a CPAP and oxygen for a little bit. And she’s already off that and on room air and we’re pretty sure baby B can be in another few minutes. I don’t remember exactly when, but it might have been while I was there, they actually were able to take the breathing tube out and she was on room air. That was very relieving and just very special. Not how I would have liked to greet them and hold them because obviously I would have liked to do that with my wife. But at the same time, it was great that things had gone well. And the doctors actually had one or two questions for me about how to care for them. So I was glad that I had asked to go down there. I was feeling very grateful and happy and also just kind of taking charge of, you know, from, as a parent of making sure that they were being cared for and answering any questions that the doctors had for me. News About Wife’s Recovery Joe Rawlinson: And how long do you got news about your wife’s status? Stephen Dause: It’s hard to say. It might have been 15 or 30 minutes I was down there. And so on the way up, I got a call from a number I thought was probably the hospital. And I was a little nervous taking that call because I didn’t know what news they would have. But the nurse led with, “Hey, weird question, but do you want to keep the placenta, we don’t have any paperwork on that.” And so I thought, “Well, if something bad happens, you probably wouldn’t be asking me about this.” And so I answered it. We didn’t want to keep it. And she told me that my wife was out of surgery and was recovering and I could see her soon. So that was just a huge, I breathed a huge sigh of relief there. And after that, I didn’t feel like I had to wait very long until they actually brought her back. Family Reunion Joe Rawlinson: So when were all of you reunited, mom, you and the girls all together? Stephen Dause: That would not be until the next morning at about 4 a.m. The NICU wanted to monitor the girls for about 12 hours after they were on room air just as a precaution. So yeah, it took until then, but the nurse walked in and said, “Special delivery,” and I don’t remember if I was even asleep. I don’t think I was, but it was a groggy early morning reunion. Recovery Challenges Joe Rawlinson: How did recovery go for your wife? Stephen Dause: Difficult. It was kind of, it felt especially difficult for us because the pregnancy had been so hard and she was looking forward to what even other twin moms had said was the initial relief of just getting the babies out of your body. But even though that happened for her, she felt so bad from the additional loss of a major organ and all of the work that they had to do to cut it out of her that she felt very bad, especially in the first couple weeks afterwards. It turns out they probably cut a major nerve and so she was feeling real sharp nerve pain. On top of all of this, because of her kidneys, she couldn’t take a lot of the narcotics that they normally give you. She was limited in terms of, well, actually, I misspoke. She was limited for narcotics because a lot of them make her nauseous, and she was limited in terms of NSAIDs because of her kidneys. She had very few options for pain treatment, and it was very rough. It made everything harder for her. Because of that, I was doing almost all of the twin care that required getting up and moving around, really, in addition to the nurses while we were in the hospital. But in short, recovery was very, very hard. Joe Rawlinson: She was just in the hospital for a few days, and then most of the recovery was back home? Stephen Dause: Yes, that’s right. We delivered on Tuesday and we went home on Sunday. So it was a couple extra days due to the additional complications of delivery after C-section. But thankfully, the girls got their sort of seal of approval of being ready to discharge at the same time, roughly that my wife did, so we were all able to go home together. Although when we got home, we arrived to a house without power. So that was another fun twist to the story. Joe Rawlinson: The one unexpected thing after the other. Was that just a temporary thing or was it a longer term issue? Power Outage at Home Stephen Dause: We were at the house for a couple hours and had no sign of it coming back on anytime soon. And this was in February. And the girls, we were told to keep the girls warm. And we also had some milk that needed to, some donated breast milk that needed to be kept frozen. Although, and I don’t, I think it was actually above freezing outside so we couldn’t just put it outside. So thankfully we have some wonderful friends who have a generator and we drove over to their house and spent our first night out of the hospital at a friend’s house. But power was back on the next day and things quickly returned to relative normal after that. Joe Rawlinson: Thank goodness for good friends. Stephen Dause: Definitely. New Normal with Twins Joe Rawlinson: Okay, so you said things got back to normal. So this was like a new normal because now you’ve got the twins, mom’s recovering. What was your routine like there if mom was needing to get extra rest to recover? Stephen Dause: We just took it in two or three hour chunks at a time. I think for the first while, it’s blurry a bit even now, but for the first while, I would, I’m trying to remember if I brought the girls to her bedside or if she got up and fed them with me. I think she pretty much from the start was at least able to move from the bed to our recliner and we would each feed one baby. And for the first few weeks, we basically would take one baby to feed. And I was doing all of the diaper changes for maybe a week or so, a week or two out of the hospital. Just kind of in survival mode. And thankfully, we had a great supporting group of family and friends who came over to help. It was difficult, but at the same time, the girls were actually still premature, so they were very sleepy. So essentially, they would just sleep, wake up, eat, and go back to sleep. So that was at least one blessing. We weren’t really dealing with any colic or anything like that at that point. Feeding Arrangements Joe Rawlinson: Were the babies… Was she trying to breastfeed them, or were you doing formula? What was working for everybody? Stephen Dause: Yes. So she was trying to pump, and at first that was difficult in terms of the amount of production. Thankfully, so we had hired a doula. The doula wasn’t able to be there because on the day we delivered, there was a snowstorm, which other than her not being there didn’t affect us because we were already at the hospital, thank goodness. But the doula came in clutch afterwards because she had some women who had extra breast milk that she donated to us and we used that supply in combination with a bit of formula and then anything that my wife was able to pump for the first few weeks until her production ramped up and was able to meet the girl’s needs, which thankfully it’s still able to do today. Time Off Work Joe Rawlinson: Now, did you have some time off work and have to rush back to work? What was the time off situation? Stephen Dause: I work at a small company and we didn’t really have a policy in place for paternal or maternal leave. So I advocated for one for myself and was able to get eight weeks of paid leave, which in America is a huge blessing and something not every new father or mother gets. So that was probably one of the biggest things that helped us survive without a whole lot of extra stress that that would have brought. I split it up. I took the first five weeks off and then worked half time for another six weeks to kind of stretch out that time a bit more. Joe Rawlinson: Oh, perfect. Yeah, that sounds like a great arrangement. So once you went back full time, was your wife still on leave or is she back to work? Stephen Dause: She is a teacher, so she, you know, we delivered in February, which was earlier, of course, than we initially planned back when we didn’t realize we were going to have twins and be delivering earlier. But she took the rest of the year off and is going to start back in August. So she’s still got a couple months of being home with the girls. Childcare Plans Joe Rawlinson: What are your plans for child care once school starts again? Stephen Dause: We thought we had one daycare lined up, but now we’re having second thoughts about that one, and aren’t really on any other waitlists. So my wife is interviewing nannies this week and next week. So my wife’s actually going to be working part-time, so we’ll only need a part-time nanny, which will make it more affordable. But yeah, we’re probably just going to hire a nanny for the first year, and then after that my wife will probably be full-time the next school year and we’ll get a daycare. Joe Rawlinson: Sometimes you have to be creative in finding how to make sure the kids are taken care of, make sure they’re making it to work. If it’s a daycare, if it’s a nanny, if it’s some combination of those things, you got to do what you’re going to do. Stephen Dause: Yes. Getting on a daycare’s wait list is priority number one, honestly, when you find out you’re pregnant because it can take quite a while. Joe Rawlinson: Absolutely. They have to have two spots Stephen Dause: Yes. Joe Rawlinson: Extra, extra waitlist. Current Daily Routine Joe Rawlinson: So now that the girls are about four and a half months old, what’s the typical schedule like a daily routine? Stephen Dause: I wake up at 8 AM and take care of the girls from 8 AM to 9 AM, just to give my wife a chance to get some, get at least a catnap in if she’s had to be up with them during the later portion of the night. Then I go to work from 9 to 5:30. I come back. We both take care of the girls until bedtime, although we are intentional about each of us getting at least like half an hour to either take a nap or just do something other than be with the girls or work. And then we both put them to bed at around 7:30 or 8. And then from that time on, they’re sleeping pretty well. They usually wake up around 3 or 4. But actually here recently, they’ve been sleeping through the night until about seven or so. At which point I would wake up with them if they’re up at seven. On the other hand, we were just told by the doctor that one baby isn’t getting enough weight, so we’re going to have to wake them up at least once during the night to feed anyway, which is unfortunate, but that’s kind of the gist of the day of the schedule. Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, just when you think you get them sleeping, something will change that, either doctor’s orders or they’ll start changing their own schedule. Stephen Dause: Right. Contact Information Joe Rawlinson: So, Stephen, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Stephen Dause: So, I’m on Reddit. I post and comment occasionally on the parents of multiples sub-Reddit. My username is just trying to make it 16. And so, you can DM me there or take a look at the different posts I’ve written. I made one kind of summary of my experience of caring for my wife at about 34 weeks pregnant, and then I’ve made three after delivery as well. So yeah, that’s how you can find me. Joe Rawlinson: I’ll link those in the show notes for listeners if they want to go check out those more details. Well, Stephen, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Some of the crazy surprises, ups and downs. It’s great to hear that everybody’s come out on the other side of that healthy and well. Stephen Dause: Yes, there were a lot of ups and downs, but I’m very grateful that we made it out okay. And thank you for the interview and for all the resources you put out there for us, Twin Dads. It’s good to have something specific in addition to the general twin advice, so I appreciate it. Joe Rawlinson: You’re welcome. Thank you so much. Episode Conclusion Joe Rawlinson: I hope you enjoyed the conversation with Stephen about his experience so far as a father of twins. I’m always grateful for dads like Stephen, come on the show and share their experience with the rest of us so that all of us can learn from each other’s experiences. So once again, thanks Stephen for sharing your story today on the podcast. Listeners if you would like to share your story like Stephen did today. I would love to hear from you. You can drop me an email [email protected] or reach out to me on Instagram or X I am @twindadjoe and I would love to hear from you. If you’re in those early months with twins or still expecting twins I invite you to pick up a copy of my book Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. Once again, that’s raisingtwinsbook.com. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: Apple Podcasts Spotify Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Emergency Hysterectomy After Twins Birth with Stephen Dause – Podcast 327 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Hey Dads, it’s completely normal to need support during the twin pregnancy. Yes, support for you. During a twin pregnancy, the physical and emotional spotlight is naturally on your partner, but your role, your mental health, and your emotional well-being matter deeply. Here are some ideas on how to maintain your mental and emotional footing during this intense time: Acknowledge Your Experience Your feelings are valid, including excitement, anxiety, and being overwhelmed. These are all normal responses to impending parenthood, especially with twins. You’re going through a major life transition too. Your identity and responsibilities are changing significantly. Doubt doesn’t mean you’re unfit to be a twin dad. It means you care. Good dads worry; great dads learn to manage that worry instead of letting it run the show. Find Support Systems Connect with other twin dads who have been through what you are experiencing. Look for local twin parent groups or online forums specifically for fathers of multiples. Maintain friendships by scheduling regular time with friends who can provide perspective and emotional support. Consider therapy if you feel you need an extra hand. A few sessions with a therapist can provide valuable coping strategies for this unique stress you’re experiencing. Communicate Openly Share your feelings with your partner. Try saying “I’m excited about the twins but also feeling [fill in the blank with your emotions like being nervous or overwhelmed]” Be specific about your needs when talking with your partner. For example, “I could use some time to process” is better than bottling up emotions. Remember your partner isn’t a mind reader. They may not realize what you’re experiencing unless you share. Open, frank, and honest communication with your partner will help the twin parenting journey go a lot smoother. Practice Self-Care Maintain your physical health. During the twin pregnancy, you actually have more time than you will once the twins are born. Keep up with regular exercise, adequate sleep, and proper nutrition. These will directly impact your mental wellbeing. It’s easy to lose yourself in pregnancy prep. Try to keep at least one regular activity that grounds you. Continue hobbies while you can. Keep participating in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Keep in mind that some of these might need a pause once the twins arrive. Set boundaries since it’s okay to decline additional responsibilities when feeling overwhelmed. Prepare Practically Educate yourself about twin development and care as that can reduce anxiety. Research is helpful but obsessively reading about premature birth risks, twin complications, or sleep deprivation stories can send your anxiety into overdrive. Stick to trusted sources, and give yourself permission to unplug. Get involved in twin preparations. Setting up the nursery or researching gear gives you purpose and something within your control. Creating a registry, budgeting, reading parenting books will help. But leave space for flexibility, mistakes, and unknowns. Twins bring chaos. You’ll adapt. You don’t have to be 100% “ready”. Learn practical baby care skills. This will give you confidence in your abilities and will reduce anxiety about the future. Remember You’re a Team You’re not just a supporting character. You’re an equal parent preparing for a life-changing experience. Taking care of your mental health now sets the foundation for being the father your twins will need to be. Listen to twin dad Steven Driver’s experience of overcoming a traumatic birth experience of his twins. The post Maintaining Dad’s Mental Health During a Twin Pregnancy appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

When I found out we were having twins, one of my first thoughts after the initial shock wore off was: “Where are we going to put all their stuff?” Our modest three-bedroom home suddenly felt tiny. But after some creative planning and real-world experience, I discovered you don’t need two of everything or a mansion to raise happy, healthy twins. Here’s how to prepare your home without drowning in baby gear. Strategic Thinking Before Buying Place to Sleep Will you have the twins in your room or in their own room? When you bring them home from the hospital, you need a place for them to sleep. Where will that be in your house? Think through your plans for those first few nights at home – perhaps they will be in your room. Then think about long-term sleeping arrangements – likely in their own room. Place to Eat Think about where you’ll feed your infant twins. Will it be in a rocking chair? In the nursery, or the family room? You’ll need a comfortable place where you can sit and feed the twins. Make sure this will let you feed both at the same time. Place to Change Diapers Twin babies go through lots of diapers. Newborn twins can go through 20 diapers a day. You’ll need a place to change them. This could be a dedicated changing table or just on the floor. Yes, you could even use your bed – but remember that they might have an accident or leakage. Do you want that mess on your bed? Place for Baby Stuff You need a place to store your baby clothes, diapers, and supplies. A simple changing table or dedicated furniture will work. Baby Proofing You don’t have to baby proof your house before your twins come home. Baby proofing requires that you prevent trouble that could be within a baby’s reach. As newborns, your twins can’t reach anything and aren’t mobile. If you are short on time, you can wait to baby proof your home until later. The Twin Registry Audit Before you register for or purchase anything, ask these three questions: Do we absolutely need two of these? Will this item be outgrown within months? Does this serve multiple purposes or just one? I saved hundreds of dollars and valuable square footage by realizing we didn’t need two baby bathtubs, two high chairs, or two play mats. One large play mat worked perfectly for both babies. The Grow-With-Them Mindset Invest in items that adapt as your twins grow: Convertible cribs that transform into toddler beds Strollers with modular configurations for different ages Space-Maximizing Solutions By Room The Nursery Vertical Storage is Your Best Friend Wall space is often underutilized. Consider: Floor-to-ceiling shelving units Over-door organizers for small items Wall-mounted baskets for diapers and supplies For example, IKEA Kallax shelves and fabric bins color-coded by category—green for clothes, blue for blankets, yellow for toys. This system makes it easy to find what you need quickly. Just remember your baby-proofing for when the twins become mobile. Smarter Furniture Choices Choose cribs with built-in storage drawers underneath Use a dresser with a changing pad on top instead of a separate changing table Consider mini-cribs if space is extremely tight When you set up your twin nursery, see if you can position the cribs in an L-shape in the corner, which opens up floor space for playing while keeping the cribs accessible from three sides. The Living Room Create Zones Instead of Taking Over Rather than letting twin baby gear dominate your living space: Designate one corner for baby activities with a small toy basket Use furniture with hidden storage (ottomans, coffee tables with drawers) Invest in gear that folds away when not in use Multi-Purpose Solutions A pack-and-play can serve as a playpen or napping spot Ottoman storage can hold toys and serve as seating Sofa cushions can become safe play barriers during tummy time The Kitchen Streamlined Feeding Station Wall-mounted bottle organizers keep counters clear Hanging fruit baskets can store formula, baby food, and snacks Magnetic strips on the fridge can hold feeding schedules and notes Create a dedicated “twin feeding zone” in one corner of your kitchen with everything needed for bottle prep, which can save countless steps during those early sleep-deprived months. Clever High Chair Solutions Space-saving high chairs that clip to the table Chairs that fold flat when not in use Booster seats that attach to regular dining chairs We opted for booster seats rather than standalone units with large footprints. The Bathroom Bathing Without the Bulk Sink inserts for newborn bathing save space over baby tubs Shower caddies repurposed for baby bath supplies Tension rods with hanging mesh bags for toy storage Smart Organization Behind-the-door towel racks with towels for each baby Adhesive hooks for washcloths Magnetic containers on the side of a metal cabinet for small items Clever Twin-Specific Hacks The Rolling Command Center I’ve even heard of making a rolling cart with three tiers: Top tier: Diaper changing supplies Middle tier: Extra clothes, burp cloths Bottom tier: Toys and books This cart can be moved from room to room, ensuring supplies were always at hand without cluttering every space. The Shared Closet System For the twins’ clothes: Double hang rods to maximize vertical space Drawer dividers to separate each baby’s items The Gear Rotation Method Not all baby equipment needs to be out at once: Store off-season items in under-bed containers Rotate toys weekly to keep floor space clear Borrow or rent items needed for short developmental periods We borrowed a hospital grade breast pump until formula bottle feeding became our primary method, saving both money and storage space. Final Thoughts for the Space-Conscious Twin Dad Remember that babies need much less than marketing would have you believe. Your twins won’t care if their nursery isn’t Instagram perfect. They just need you, safety, comfort, and love. The key is creating systems that work for your family’s specific needs and home layout. Stay flexible and don’t be afraid to rearrange as you discover what works best. The post How to Prep Your Home for Twins Without Cluttering Everything appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Fathers expecting twins often have specific concerns that tend to be exaggerated or misguided. You just don’t know what you’re getting yourself into and that leads to some irrational fears. I know, I’ve been there. Here are some of the most common fears that you don’t need to stress out about: “I’ll never be able to tell them apart” – This fear is usually overblown. Even identical twins have subtle differences that parents quickly learn to recognize. Plus, many parents use temporary identification methods like different colored clothing or nail polish until they become familiar with each child’s unique features. “We’ll need two of absolutely everything” – While you’ll need some duplicates, twins can share many items. They can use the same changing table, bath, play area, and many toys. Even for sleeping, twins often share a crib initially before transitioning to separate ones. “Bonding with two babies simultaneously will be impossible” – Fathers often worry they won’t be able to form strong individual bonds with each twin. In reality, relationships develop naturally over time through everyday interactions, and most fathers find they connect differently but equally with each child. “Our finances will be completely devastated” – While twins do increase expenses, careful planning and accepting hand-me-downs can significantly reduce costs. Many twin-specific expenses are temporary, and the long-term financial impact is often less severe than initially feared. “There won’t be any time for my relationship with my partner” – Though the early months are challenging, many twin parents develop efficient teamwork that eventually allows for couple time. The shared experience often strengthens relationships rather than destroying them. “I’ll never sleep again” – Sleep deprivation is real with twins, but it’s temporary. Most twins establish sleep patterns by 4-6 months, and tag-team approaches with partners can ensure everyone gets some rest. “I won’t be able to handle the crying times two” – Fathers often imagine constant dual meltdowns, but in reality, twins don’t always cry simultaneously, and parents quickly develop coping strategies for when they do. “I’ll never be able to give them enough individual attention” – While one-on-one time requires intentionality with twins, many fathers find special moments with each child through everyday routines like feeding, bathing, or bedtime. “I’m worried about how to handle both babies at the same time” – You won’t break them if you’re mindful of what you’re doing. Practice with holding one twin before you try to hold both simultaneously. Raising twins can be challenging but it is totally worth it. If you’re worried about some of these issues, hang in there. You can do this! The post Common Overblown Fears of Expectant Twin Fathers appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of twins who’s done countless grocery runs, I’m going to share what actually works when you need to brave the supermarket alone with your infant twins. This isn’t theoretical advice—these are battle-tested strategies that have saved my sanity during that challenging first year (and beyond) with twins. The Easy Button Are you overwhelmed by the stress of hauling the twins to the store? Hit the easy button and get your groceries delivered or do a curbside pickup run. Many large grocery chains offer curbside pickup or you can use your favorite delivery app to get stuff delivered directly to your doorstep. There is no shame in letting others do the work for you. Just keep in mind that you will pay slightly higher prices for groceries purchased with these more convenient methods. That said, if you’re ready to get out of the house and do a grocery store adventure with the twins, you can do this. Let’s go: Before You Leave the House 1. Time Your Trip Strategically Shop during your twins’ most content period—typically after a feeding and nap. This reduces several of the problems that can happen when you’re out. Try shopping during early mornings (7-9 AM) as they tend to be less crowded with shorter checkout lines. Always avoid the dinner rush (4-6 PM) at all costs as the grocery store is a zoo and crazy busy. 2. Pack Your Twin Diaper Bag Properly A trip to the grocery store still needs the basics you’d take whenever you leave the house with the twins: Two complete changes of clothes Double the diapers you think you’ll need Pre-measured formula or expressed milk if bottle feeding Pacifiers with clips (your twins will drop them otherwise) Extra burp cloths for inevitable spit-ups A small toy for each child to distract during meltdowns 3. Have a Solid Plan You can’t just expect to leisurely stroll down the aisles and look at all the options. You need to be prepared. Create a detailed shopping list organized by store layout so you know the route you’ll be taking. Use a grocery app that remembers your regular items and can show you where they are located. Keep the trip focused—this isn’t the time for browsing. Get in and get out! Transportation and Setup Options Once you’re at the store, you’ll need to figure out how to transport your twins AND the groceries. Here are some options: Option 1: The Twin Stroller + Basket Method Use a double stroller with large storage underneath Bring a collapsible grocery basket or reusable bags Fill the basket as you shop, storing it under or hanging from the stroller Best for smaller shopping trips (15-20 items) Option 2: The Car Seat in Cart Configuration Keep twins in their infant car seats Place one car seat in the main cart basket (secure it) Then for the second child pick what works best: Place the second car seat in the cart’s child seat area if possible Use a cart designed for two car seats (available at some stores) Bring a second cart if the store allows it Always make sure your car seats are secure and won’t fall off the cart. Option 3: The Babywearing + Cart Combo Wear one twin in a front carrier Keep the other in a car seat placed in the cart Alternate which twin you wear each trip Best for maximum shopping capacity while managing twins solo as you have more cart space During the Shopping Experience 1. The Entry Strategy Park close to cart return areas, not necessarily the entrance since you’ll know you have to return the cart. Set up your transport system at the car before taking babies out of the car. Have your shopping list immediately accessible on paper or your phone. 2. Managing the Shopping Process Shop efficiently—this isn’t the time for comparison shopping. Use one hand for pushing/steering the cart and keep the other free for grabbing items off shelves. Place heavy items under the cart, not with the babies. 3. Dealing with Twin Meltdowns When one starts crying, keep moving—motion helps. Sing or talk to them constantly, even if you feel ridiculous. If both melt down simultaneously, find a quiet corner to address needs before continuing. Ignore the judgmental glances from others. Focus on taking care of your kids. 4. Checkout Success Tactics Choose self-checkout for small trips and a quicker exit. For staffed lanes, look for cashiers who make eye contact and smile at babies. You have an ally here. Have payment ready so you can quickly finish up the transaction. After Checkout 1. Getting to the Car Ask for help to your vehicle if available (many stores offer this). Let the grocery store employee help load up your vehicle while you tend to the babies. If you’re still solo, put the babies back in the car first and secure them. Turn on the air conditioning. Then load up the groceries. Return the cart to a return area close to your car, never leaving babies unattended. 2. The Home Arrival System Once you’re home, take the babies inside first, placing them in safe spots (swings, bouncers, etc.). Bring groceries in next, focusing on refrigerated items Unpack essentials immediately, leave the rest until babies are settled. Final Dad-to-Dad Advice Remember that each successful trip builds your confidence. What seems impossible now will become routine within months. Start with smaller trips and work your way up. The greatest victory isn’t perfectly executing your shopping trip—it’s having the courage to try it alone. Other shoppers are generally understanding when they see a dad with twins. Don’t hesitate to accept help when offered, and remember that a few difficult moments in the grocery store don’t define your parenting. You’ve got this, Dad! The post Successfully Grocery Shopping Alone with Infant Twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of twins, you’ve probably heard it all: “Shouldn’t they be walking by now?” or “My son was talking in full sentences at this age!” These well-meaning comments from friends and family comparing your twins to singleton milestones can be frustrating and sometimes even worrying. Let me share some perspective and practical advice on how to handle these situations with confidence. Our twin girls had two notable developmental milestones that caused many people to comment. First, our girls never crawled in the traditional sense – on their hands and knees. One of them figured out how to scoot across the floor while sitting by extending her legs out and then pulling herself forward. We called this the “bum scoot” and once one girl started, her sister mimicked that behavior and they never looked back. They went straight from their “bum scoot” to standing and walking. Second, our girls had some speech issues until they were early elementary school age. My wife and I could understand our girls. The girls could understand each other. However, other people, including close family and friends struggled to understand what our girls were saying. This feedback ultimately led us to take our girls to speech therapy where they quickly improved their speech skills and have been good communicators ever since. Understanding Twin Development is Different Twins often follow their own developmental timeline, and for good reason. Multiple factors influence their development patterns: Prematurity: Twins are more likely to be born early, which means their developmental timeline should be adjusted for their corrected age. Shared Resources: During pregnancy, twins share nutrients and space, which can impact early development. Social Dynamic: Having a constant peer creates a unique environment where twins may prioritize different skills than singletons. Individual Personalities: Just like any siblings, each twin has their own strengths, interests, and pace of development. Practical Ways to Handle Comparisons Educate with Confidence When Uncle Bob mentions how his grandson was walking at 10 months, try responding with: “Twin development is actually fascinating – they often focus on different skills first. Lucas is becoming quite the climber while Emma is working on her vocabulary. Their pediatrician is happy with their progress on their twin-adjusted timeline.” Keep some facts handy about twin development to share when these conversations arise. Knowledge is empowering and helps redirect well-intentioned but misguided concerns. Focus on Individual Strengths Instead of getting defensive, highlight what each of your twins is excelling at: “While they might not be walking yet, have you noticed how Ben can stack blocks with amazing precision? And Sarah’s ability to communicate what she wants without words is impressive!” Create a Support Network of Twin Parents Connect with other twin parents who understand your reality. When my twins were missing some of the typical singleton milestones, it was the parents in my twins group who reassured me this was normal and temporary. Track Progress Your Own Way Rather than comparing to standard milestone charts, keep a journal of each twin’s individual journey. Note when they master new skills relative to their own previous abilities. This perspective shift can be remarkably freeing. When to Genuinely Consider Concerns While managing unwanted comparisons is important, sometimes concerns raised by others deserve attention: If both twins are significantly behind in multiple developmental areas If one twin is progressing much more slowly than the other in several domains If either twin loses skills they previously had In these cases, consult with your pediatrician. Early intervention, when needed, can make a significant difference. Celebrating the Twin Advantage Your twins are developing unique skills that singletons often don’t acquire as early: Advanced social negotiation: Twins learn to share, take turns, and resolve conflicts from day one. Empathy: Many twins show remarkable awareness of their co-twin’s emotions early on. Independence alongside interdependence: Twins often develop a healthy balance of self-reliance and cooperation. The Bottom Line Your twins aren’t behind—they’re just taking their own path. When well-meaning comparisons come your way, take a deep breath, share a bit of twin wisdom if you’re up for it, and remember that you have front-row seats to an amazing, unique developmental journey. Trust your instincts, celebrate each triumph on your twins’ timeline, and remember—those singleton milestones were never meant for the twin experience anyway. The post How to deal with family and friends that compare your twins to singletons appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of twins who has weathered countless “double emergencies,” I’m here to tell you that yes, you will survive those moments when both babies need you desperately at the exact same time. Whether it’s one spitting up while the other has a diaper explosion, or both wailing for different urgent reasons, these situations are inevitable with twins. Here’s my battle-tested approach to handling these high-stress moments. First, Take a Deep Breath It sounds simple, but it’s crucial. When both twins are in crisis mode, your stress level skyrockets. Take a 3-second deep breath. This micro-pause helps you think more clearly and approach the situation with a calmer mindset. Remember: neither baby will suffer permanent damage if you take a moment to collect yourself. Assess and Prioritize Quickly assess which situation is more urgent: Is either baby in danger? (Choking, breathing issues, bleeding) Which situation will worsen more quickly if not addressed? Which baby is more distressed? For example, in the spit-up vs. diaper blowout scenario, the spit-up usually needs immediate attention if it’s affecting breathing, while the diaper situation, though messy, can wait an extra minute. Create a Safe Spot for the “Wait” Baby Keep designated safe spots in key areas of your home where you can place one baby while tending to the other: A secured swing A crib or playpen A bouncer seat with harness A safely positioned car seat (on the floor, never elevated) On a blanket on the floor Even if they’re crying, knowing they’re safe allows you to focus on the more urgent need. The Contain and Return Method Let’s imagine that you’ve got one twin spitting up and the other with a diaper blowout. Here’s what you could do: 1. Place the blowout baby on a waterproof changing pad in a safe area 2. Quickly wipe any spit-up from the first baby’s mouth/nose and position them to prevent choking 3. Return to the blowout baby to start the cleanup and change that diaper 4. Go back and forth as needed, dealing with the most critical aspects of each situation first Preparation Is Your Best Defense Having strategic supplies positioned throughout your home will save you countless times: Keep fully stocked changing stations in multiple rooms Place burp cloths and wipes in every room where you spend time with the twins Use waterproof mats under babies whenever possible Keep a “quick-change” bag with diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes in your main living area Use What You Have In true emergencies, get creative: A clean kitchen towel can temporarily contain a blowout Paper towels can handle spit-up if burp cloths aren’t within reach A towel on the floor can become an impromptu changing station It is OK to improvise. Just keep your babies’ safety your number one priority. Call for Backup When Possible If someone else is home or nearby: Use a specific, direct request: “I need you to take the baby in the blue onesie right now” Assign the simpler task to your helper if they’re less experienced (like asking a young child to bring you a diaper for their baby brother) Don’t waste time explaining everything—just get the immediate help The Aftermath Once both situations are under control: Give yourself credit for handling it Clean yourself up if needed Take a moment to reset before moving on Don’t forget this moment as it should give you confidence handling future craziness Remember This Truth Every twin dad has been through these double emergencies. What feels impossible now will become just another Tuesday in a few months. Your ability to handle these situations will improve dramatically with experience. The fact that you’re reading this article means you care deeply about being there for both of your babies. That commitment is what matters most—not whether you handled a particular situation perfectly. Trust me when I say: you’ve got this. And when you don’t feel like you’ve got this, just do the next right thing for whichever baby needs it most urgently, then move to the next. Before you know it, you’ll be the one giving advice to new twin dads. The post How to handle competing twin needs when they’re both urgent appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.