Doing This Differently

And 10 episodes later, we are at the Season 1 finale! Thank you all for listening and sharing the pod with others. It looks like the topic of non-traditional family structures is getting some deserved attention and traction. Podcasts like “Refamulating” and a mini-series on “This is Actually Happening” came out in April and June, respectively. Check them out! I find this really promising in terms of discussing and normalizing the experience of being part of a unique family.Speaking of which, in this episode, I talk to two therapists — Meg Michaelson and Leora Lerba — about how to approach potentially challenging conversations with kiddos. While the focus is on how to help children understand how their families may look different from those of their peers, we cover topics like illness and disability, as well. Lots of wisdom gems dropped here. For anyone seeking guidance navigating life, please visit the episode page for Meg’s and Leora’s bios and contact information. 10/10 recommend them!Enjoy!

How does one navigate the realization that she will not become a mother? That’s the question this episode explores with our guest, Andrea Lira, and Intuitive Therapist Meg Michaelson. A theme shared across many of the previous episodes is one where guests find themselves on a life path that looks different from one they may have envisioned for themselves. For Andrea, her vision of being a mother, one day, did not become a reality. And she’s not alone. This is a more common story than many of us realize, but it’s not one often told. I’m really grateful to her for having the courage to share her story with us. We talk about her path to get pregnant, her grieving process, and the steps she is taking to move into a state of acceptance. We discuss how best to support friends through this experience, as well.For anyone going through a similar situation — or for those who want to learn how to support a friend on this journey — both Andrea and Meg offer helpful and actionable suggestions. 

From an early age, most of us received a clear message about what an ideal future looks like: You find your life partner and you have children. While this vision has evolved a bit over time, many (all?) cultures continue to reinforce the idea that the highest form of fulfillment — particularly for women — comes from marriage and procreating. So, what happens if you didn’t meet that future partner, or realize the original picture of “family” in your mind? Or, what if you choose not to have children because you simply don’t want to be a parent?In this episode, we speak to three child-free women about living full lives without children. And how they have cultivated chosen family — friendships that endure throughout life. Enjoy!

You can love being a part of children’s lives and opt not to have any of your own. More and more people are choosing not to have children, particularly younger generations, like Gen Z. The reasons can range from enjoying the freedom that comes with being child-free to avoiding the astronomical expense of raising kiddos to wanting a smaller carbon footprint. In this episode, we’re talking to a heteronormative cisgender married couple who are DINKs (Double Income, No Kids). Some DINKs are happy to live a life clear of kiddos. Others — like our guests, Samantha Choi Cadley and Todd Cadley — have found great fulfillment in their roles of aunt and uncle to several nieces and nephews.Sam and Todd are business partners as well as life partners. They tell us how cultivating great communication skills has strengthened their marriage, business, and relationships with their nieces and nephews. For anyone considering a child-free life, Sam and Todd provide an inspiring example of the richness this life path offers.

“There is no such thing as an unplanned pregnancy in a gay relationship.” That was J.D. Schramm’s memorable opener to his TEDxStanford talk, “The Winding Path to Parenthood.” This beautiful story is a testament to how love is the main ingredient of family. And it’s fitting that we’re celebrating this family as we enter LGBTQIA+ pride month.After three years of friendship, J.D. and his now husband, Ken Daigle, became a couple — and they quickly aligned on a future that included children. There are many paths to parenthood, but adoption was the clear choice for them. They became a family of five through three types of adoption: foster to adopt, private, and open. As the title of J.D.’s talk suggests, this process took time, and there were some bumps along the way in creating their unique family. But, in the end, J.D. and Ken found their two sons and daughter, and these children found their parents.For anyone considering adoption, this episode is very inspiring, realistic, and informative about the different processes for each type of adoption. Enjoy!InstagramTikTokYouTubeWant to share your story with us?

Imagine being very clear on the idea that you and your spouse will remain child-free, and then…you parent a teenager! Mara Shorr and her husband, Russell, did just that. This path began when Mara had a conversation with a good friend about becoming a volunteer advocate for a child in foster care. Between not being a parent and not knowing much about the foster care system, Mara wasn’t sure this was the right move for her. But Mara’s experience as a healthcare advocate for her grandmother and her brother, who struggled with substance abuse, actually prepared her well for this role.Mara has advocated for four children; and the third was a teenager Mara and Russell invited to live with them. About advocating and fostering, Mara says, “It is the most worthwhile and heartbreaking thing to do.” She shares about their experience becoming a big blended family with her teen’s relatives, navigating “trauma landmines,” and offers suggestions on the variety ways in which people can support children in the foster care system. Very inspiring!InstagramTikTokYouTubeWant to share your story with us?

For anyone who has been to Burning Man, you know how magical those bike rides on the playa can be. Now imagine you just married your love, and you’re riding across the playa, talking to a close friend…who is hinting that he’d like to help you and your partner start a family. Dreamy.In this episode, we hear the beautiful love story of Lori and Shannon. And how they became their family of four with the help of a close friend who lives in Australia with his wife and three kids. For anyone who is interested in learning how to navigate a bonus family from a sperm donor and friend, I promise you this is a best case scenario masterclass. Enjoy!InstagramTikTokYouTubeWant to share your story with us?

You read correctly! In this episode, we talk to two solo moms who are raising full siblings! One mom, Jackie, offered the other, Heidi, a healthy embryo. Not only are these families in regular touch — they vacation together, and with families who shared the same sperm donor. Take all that in.I’ve never known of a family like this. It’s incredible to hear how Jackie and Heidi got connected, about their respective journeys to motherhood, and how it’s going. Enjoy!InstagramTikTokYouTubeWant to share your story with us?

I remember when friends of mine and I would ask each other, “What if we’re not married by age X? Would you have kids anyway? (gulp) On your own?” Always, without exception, I’d pipe in, “Helllll noooooooooo! No way! Uh-uh!” Welp…Funny how things turn out. Now, 3 years in, people ask me, “When did you know for sure you were going to do this?” To which I answer, “I’ll let you know.” It’s true. The whole 5 year “walk towards” having a child started with a “let’s see…” attitude. Terrified to have a child on my own, and even more terrified of never trying. I figured if it works, I have my answer that I’m supposed to do this. If not, I have my answer that I’m not supposed to do this. Pretty simple.I did my embryo transfer in June 2020 — during the height of the pre-vaccine pandemic. While I never made an official “decision” to pursue solo motherhood, I’ll never forget the feeling of relief that washed over me when I found out I was pregnant. And I’m forever grateful that I got my daughter.In this episode, we talk to Patricia P., a solo mom living in Washington, DC. She and I talk about all the things: the blessings, the challenges, and the unexpected concerns that rose for each of us. Also, we talk to Robyn Shepherd, who is well on her way to becoming a solo mom. She asks us her burning questions — an opportunity I would’ve loved to have had before becoming a mom — and we give her honest answers. Enjoy!InstagramTikTokYouTubeWant to share your story with us?

Why am I doing this podcast? Because I have so much time on my hands and endless energy. No. Many friends were surprised when I said I was doing a podcast. For one, I tend to be a private person. My kiddo isn’t on social media, for example. Not that there’s anything wrong with kiddos on social. It’s just not for us. And two, being a solo parent of a toddler does require a good deal of time and energy. But I’m a creative person, and I’ve always turned to writing, designing, and filmmaking to process what I am experiencing in the world. When I was contemplating my own big leap into solo motherhood, I wanted to listen to other examples of less traditional family structures, and never came across anything that resonated. That’s why I decided to make this podcast.  There are many of us who “color outside the lines” of the traditional family — as our culture defines it — and not a ton of airtime to tell these stories. It’s a big deal to “do” family differently. And family will continue to be redefined generation after generation, so let’s talk about what that looks like.   In addition to hearing about these unique families, it became very clear that this podcast was a vehicle for teaching open-mindedness to our children. Not everyone comes from 2 biological, cisgender, heteronormative parents. Children will follow their parents’ lead on what to normalize, and embracing diversity among family structures is a great way to teach inclusion. My hope is that this podcast provides an entry point into these conversations, and helps to create understanding when encountering a family that looks different from one’s own.InstagramTikTokYouTubeWant to share your story with us?