Dollspace

ANNOUNCING OUR GIVEAWAY WINNER FRIDAY, MAY 15! GO FOLLOW STELLAR EATS AND DOLLSPACE AND TAG A FRIEND! THIS IS A LEGIT BASKET OF GOODS! BLESSINGS BLESSINGS BLESSINGS! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Yeah I know, Annie hates the title of this episode. And I also know my voice is way louder than hers in this episode. Just listen on half volume. The vocals here were a shitshow, but that's because I haven't been able to see for weeks. What?

I'm not lying... I don't remember anything about this. I recorded it last week and now it's Tuesday (I really just chose whatever day to upload this eh) and in between when we recorded this and when I'm putting it up, I actually got my first ever migraine. Recovering from that. No clue what we talked about last week. Hopefully nothing FUCKED UP??? 

I'll say this with my chest - BEWARE OF THE SHOWERS AT EQUINOX, they will play tricks on you. They are wicked and sinister and that space is not for the weak! I'm sweating just typing about it. 

Who wants to fight us? Everyone? Come for me first, Annie is 2 lbs soaking wet because she lives at pilates now. I'm dense, I can take you all. I am EASTERN EUROPEAN. Shit one sec my kid just fell brb. Oh he's fine. Whatever I have nothing else to say anyway. Enjoy :) ha :) 

PEAKABOO! Sorry, that's the only word I say now because I hang out with a fucking infant all day. I have one brain cell, and I used it on this episode (you're going to listen and be like THAT'S A BRAIN CELL?????????) Anyway, we explore the option of re-using our Patreon.... pls let us know what you think of this... and don't hate us heh :) 

Sorry for the haitus everyone! Let me explain why here in this episode description that no one reads. Firstly, baby Bennett caught a nasty cough that caused him to barf every time he coughed. THEN, I went to Bahamas where it was -40 degrees and I went on the biggest bender of my life at 34 years old. THEN I had a funeral - so needless to say, we've been STACKED with hardship!!! Especially my deluxe trip to Bahamas! Anyway, we are back, sorry about that - next time we will communicate better yada yada yada (but will we? we're abusive, and you like it). 

No idea what episode we are on- but let me just tell you something. We allude many times to you listening to this episode on Sunday (my birthday) - but that is not the case, as I am uploading it on TUESDAY - so NO NEED to DM me with your bday messages. SAVE IT. You can say it next year. Anyway, who's team are we on in the Beckham case???

The title of this episode has nothing to do with the episode. We don't say what's up craplord even once, but I'm lying next to Joe in bed and I have stage fright trying to come up with a title. Like he's watching me type and backspace. Is there anything worse than this? I know there must be but I'm struggling to think of an example. If I announce a divorce it was NOT my choice. 

80? Is that right? That seems crazy. Whats really crazy is as I type this I realize it's actually like 81 or 82 because I've misnumbered a few of these eps. I'm a working Mom, some things are gonna fall through the cracks. In this episode some cheesehead asks if she should STOP hooking up with a SAILOR. The answer is basically always no. Sailing is a lost art, like beyblades or listening. It's important we support sailors with our pu$$ys. My sons sitting beside me while I type this thank god neither of us can read. 

Annie and I let our husbands watch our babies and they scream the entire episode in the background, and by "they" I mean "MY CHILD ONLY", but don't worry I'm so good at editing that you barely hear it and instead you can hear us tell someone to divorce their husband. 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS HARRY! Happy Christmas RON. I am typing this on my dads weird small keyboard so I can't do this for too long it's giving me a stroke trying to figure this out but happy christmas everyone ok got to go i hate this thing.

In this episode, I touch on one of my favourite things in the world, gay porn. I only touch on it because Annie quickly skates over it so she can talk about her favourite thing in the world, regimented naps for her child. UGH I love her!!! Opposites truly do attract! 

This title has nothing to do with the episode, this is Annie typing this and I just want to let everyone know that my gag reflex is back - especially those closest to me (family) - I love when they listen to this podcast and read what I write here. 

Annie tells me about the deranged children's music class she pays to go to, while I stare at her and wonder if I've ever heard anything more pathetic in my life. TRUST ME, this makes for GOOD LISTENING. Then we answer a couple questions and almost get ourselves cancelled in the process. Hope you're still a fan after this one!

I haul my dog and child back to Santa Caterina to record Dollspace, while Annie sits pretty in her big country style mansion. I'm a fucking PAUPER compared to this chick. In this episode, Annie tells my fave story of when she was locked out of a townhouse in Notting Hill and shacked up with a stranger on the street. Wow. I pray to God my child doesn't do stupid shit like that. And we answer questions! NICE!

Well, the title says it all - now you just have to guess which one of us wrote it. I'll give you a clue: she's hot. Based on that clue alone I'm sure you guessed Annie, and you're right. She's a capitalist! She's a consumer! She's for SKINCARE, she's for LOVE. Unrelated, but I (Sam) have such a bad cold right now like wtf I guess it's going around eh. Anyway. ENJOY! 

In what is possibly the worst episode quality and content wise we have ever released, Annie and I have had ENOUGH! We have had ENOUGH with the tech issues! This is the episode we vow to figure out a better way to record a high quality remote podcast! Unlike the answer to the question "WHO BUILT THESE PYRAMIDS???" we WILL be able to figure this out! We answer one question in this episode, and Annie cooks and eats a chicken ceaser wrap in the background of basically the whole episode. Oh wait I just remembered ceaser is one of those words that's not spelled like I would think. Caesar. INSANE.

This episode is late, and sounds like shit. Still subscribed? We often wonder why we have the fans we have, but especially on days like today when our recording software FAILS us. Listen to this at 50% volume so you don't blow out your ear drums. ANYTHING about this appeal?? it IS funny though

I went to the Lady Gaga MAYHEM concert last night and I am forever changed. I know this description is supposed to be about our podcast - but I can think of nothing else! Shouts out to the LGBT community for raging. I was unfortunately in a box with a bunch of straight people, so I was the only one standing up the whole time - I actually lost on feeling in my left leg. Concerning, or just a result of wearing 7 inch heels for the first time in 10 years? Anyway we're back here's our podcast thanks for being patient with us <3 

This isn't a rhetorical question - I wanna know if you would take your son to the strip club. This is the kind of crap I get up to when Degrassi's Annie Clark (SORRY- GINNY AND GEORGIA'S ANNIE CLARK) - is away. My husband and I... will play ;) (NOTHING SEXUAL, DW). Anyway, Joe's on this episode. Love him. He's helping me raise my son!

The title says it all - we don't care about chlamydia. We don't care about a lot of things actually - for example Annie has lost the ability to care about showering and I no longer care if people can hear me pee. This description will make perfect sense if you listen to the episode! And if you don't, why the hell are you reading this you FREAKIN WEIRDO??? GET MEDICATED.

Who deserves to go to heaven more than nurses? Now zoom out and ask yourself - nurses help everyone - but who helps nurses? Us. Annie and Sam. That's the answer. So if nurses go to heaven, we must go to an even crazier plane of Nirvana. (A never ending loop of when we lived together? I'm just throwing out ideas for GOD or whoever if they don't want to put in the legwork). Anyway, 69 - something I used to do when I was young, and also the number of episodes we've done. WTF are we gonna do to celly 70 next week? Probably forget entirely that it's 70 and just talk about nothing. Bye!

MAMA Annie and MAMA Sam reminisce on how fun going out used to be before we met our fucking husbands. Oops! One Sunday, we didn't even know it was our LAST Sunday morning debrief after a night out. We didn't even know. Because I foolishly went on hinge and met "the one" and introduced Annie to her husband a week later. IDIOTIC. Anyway, these are the kind of fun thoughts you have when you're postpartum - romanticizing a hungover morning in your cockroach infested apartment. I miss those roaches. Those roaches were my boyz. 

With zero warning or marketing whatsoever, we are back! And believe it or not - we barely talk about our children in this episode. We mostly give harsh advice to the ONE question we answered. The rest of the episode is talking about the Tommy Lee / Britney Furlan drama and me doing a really good Annie impression - so to recap: we answer one question on our advice podcast, and then talk about internet drama from 2 weeks ago, and then I do an impression of my friend. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T LUV IT SLUTS!

Finally we hear from the elusive LUKE. Sorry this is a shorter one, we simply have no time anymore!!! I, for one, can't wait for Sam's return. It just ain't the same with out my fellow MAMA. And y'all know I'm not bringing the same kookiness to the descriptions. She is the backbone of this whole operation. Though I did learn to edit this week so that's a win. Oh no, don't tell Sam that. She might make me split the work with her...ha ha ha.

Todays episode is hosted by Degrassi's Annie Clark and her sister, The Quiet Beatle herself, Ali - (A sophisticated treat for all, as these sisters know the Queens English!) - while Sam enjoys her mat leave. (And by ENJOYS, I mean she lives in a COT at the hospital with a gaping stomach wound,  but anyway I'm not supposed to even be writing this, I'm just doing it because I had a free moment in my weird hospital dorm room, and Annie is putting Bennett to sleep. I'm NOT EVEN HERE). Today the girls answer questions about a sister being a bitch about her sisters wedding and also something about parenthood? Idk I haven't listened yet. Gonna listen now from my COT. LOVE Y'ALL!

Ok who's reading the description? Who's the lucky fucko who's reading this who gets some TEA before even listening to the ep? Sam here, posting this at 5:39 AM because I have to go to LA SHPITAL (which is what my Italian sister-in-law calls the hospital) - to see wtf is going on with my puffy body. Will I get induced? Will I get sent home? It's anyone guess. All I know is my face is fucking huge and my blood pressure is through the roof, but that's showbiz baby. Enjoy this (possibly or really possibly not) my last ep before giving birth. KEEP Y'ALL POSTED AND ENJOY! XO 

IMAGINE we got political on main. We only do that occasionally on the Patreon where you have to pay to hear our half baked ideologies (SPOILER: if you're not a member, Annie is practicing Scientologist. She hooks Bennett up to random machines that monitor his soul and makes her whole family pray to XENU or whatever). In this episode we have a fun CAMEO from THE Katie - yes, that Katie, deranged Katie. A treat for the ears, a rot for the brain. CHEERIO!

Why do people in relationships love to say "I didn't know we were keeping score" when you bring up an issue? This is something that has haunted Annie and I both for YEARS, it's actually all we talk about. We haven't talked about anything else since we became friends (17 years ago). Should we do something for our 20th friendship anniversary in 2028? Like go to MEDIEVAL TIMES, a subject that also gets a lot of air time in this episode? Don't ask how many times I tried typing "medieval" before I had to google it. Another stupid word. OK BYE!!!!!

Well, I'm not surprised we are releasing an unhinged and not well thought out episode for our 60th (a milestone we had no idea we were hitting, and Annie still doesn't, just me who's typing this after counting what number to put at the end of the title). I guess..... congratulations to us. 60. Wow. What an accomplishment. I'd like to thank the academy of FREAKS who listen to this, and my grandmother, who always said "go to law school, you'll make money." It really pushed me to say "No, I'm going to marry up and do 60 episodes of an unpaid podcast instead". Idk who Annie has to thank for that mentality, but god bless us both for having it! 

Annie and I sit on her couch and take turns breastfeeding her child while we unpack who we would be married to in a parallel universe and also discuss how to discourage the younger generation from doing party drugs. A fascinating spectrum as usual! 

In this episode of Dollspace, we are at the mercy of a BABY. Baby Bennett that is! Bennett rightfully dictates when Annie is allowed to speak, and when she must SHUT THE FUCK UP and FEED HIS ASS. I love this kid, he's a total tyrant. I feel like I could learn from him. We should all be vocal about our boundaries and needs. When we are allowed to speak, we discuss when it's ok to get back with an ex, and if we could get over finding out our BF is on some other girls OF from years ago (I could). Happy listening dolls! xxxxx

Been waiting over a year to say: THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU (FOR REAL!!!) BY OVRY! A CANADIAN COMPANY THAT MAKES PREGNANCY, OVULATION, AND SEMEN TESTS  - ALL IN CANADA! CODE IS dollspace15 if you want to try them out!This inspirational episode also features Annie bouncing a baby the ENTIRE time - but you'll be none the wiser, because my perfect nephew was a silent bear for this entire 1:30 episode (except for a few COO'S). Enjoy!

HERE YE HERE YE - The queen has returned, with a bundle of joy on her breast! In this episode of Dollspace, we answer 3 pregnancy / postpartum related questions, so not our usual content, but hey, one of us just became a FUCKING MOTHER so what did you expect! Back to our usual cornucopia of topics next week! Happy to have my queen back on the pod <3 

Sam is back with her twin brother / husband Joe! Fans of getting 2 birds stoned at once, this episode also doubles as a counselling session for themselves. Some topics: how to watch TENET without fighting (we don't know), how much sex you should be having in your relationship (we also don't know), how to tell your significant other they smell like shit (listen to find out). I love having an advice podcast!!!

Hope you're hungry, because MS. STELLAR EATS COOKING HERSELF, THE EMMA KULA is on the pod today. Emma is a crucial member of the pigs, because she keeps us fed, (and she keeps us humble as she is currently the hottest pig. Like, we take turns but this is definitely her time to shine). Weirdly enough, I don't think we have EVER given so much advice on this podcast. Emma rly set the tone here and we took the advice thing RLY SERIOUSLY. BONE APPLE TEET!

OINK OINK PIGGGGGIES ASSEMBLE! Since Degrassi's Annie Clark is still in the throws of maternal bliss (which hopefully she remains in, since I think this decision she's made is for life!) - I got a couple of our STY-MATES AKA 2 of the PIGS, Katie & Liz on the pod. They were very nervous but I assured them everything would be fine. And it kind of was, but also, the sound quality is kind of shit. Oh well! Give it up for my 2 favourite police officers! 

If you're not living under a rock, you know that Degrassi's Annie Clark has formally changed her name to MAMA ANNIE CLARK. Which I thought was extreme, but she's a method actor so it kind of checks out. Her beautiful baby boy is HERE and ON INSTAGRAM, Zuckerberg saw him and said "holy crap, the God's have blessed us with a real one. I love men!" Anyway, this episode I bring in a SUB - and the SUB is my fkn husband, Joe! We had such a good time honestly I think this ep brought us back from the brink of divorce. I recommend anyone in a relationship do a podcast together.

Something was in the water last night because Annie and I were on some type of GIGGLE BEAT. I can't listen to this episode, because I laugh so hard, I shake my baby up and my OB told me that's bad for it! JK, she didn't say that, she actually doesn't give me the time of day. I went in today and she didn't even sit down, she just went "everything good?" And I went "yeah?" and she said "Ok, see you in a month!" and left the room before I remembered to ask her if it's ok that I switched from Camel Crushes to Marlboro Reds. Guess I'll bring that up in Feb.

Wtf - it's our 50th episode? We didn't notice because as pregnant women, we are constantly losing the "grey matter' in our brain, or at least that's what "EXPECTING BETTER BY EMILY OSSLER" told us. It also told us we could get hammered if we want to. What is grey matter? I'm picturing wet cement. What are you picturing? Just kidding, don't answer that. In this episode, we help a seriously confused listener pick between the 2 most pathetic men we have ever heard of, and then we tackle... politics? Ew. Bye. 

DOLLSPACE? On a TUESDAY? Not like anyone would notice, but Dollspace is usually released on a THURSDAY! Thursday is named after Thor, God of Thunder. Sunday is named after the Sun and Monday is named after the Moon. Saturday is named after Saturn. The rest of the days are named after random norse Gods. Trudeau resigned. BING BONG I can do whatever I want here!!!

Another humiliating day in Canada for Sam, as her father once again comes face to face with a cock ring that doesn't belong to his wife (he wishes!) but instead, his pregnant daughter. Yuck. Times like this I thank God I don't have a child to traumatize me - oh wait, I have one coming in May. I'm an idiot. (Also, we answer your questions AND you get to hear someone hammering a baseboard in at Annie's house. Because this podcast is an immersive experience!)

Ok naughty listeners, not enough of you wrote in so we had to talk about RECYCLING this episode. But don't worry, as usual we spiralled into a fascinating conversation that lead to what I believe is a world changing idea - shooting garbage into a black hole (or Jupiter's red spot) - but ah! I've said too much. Listen for yourself and decide if you think I'm a genius and if Annie should have any stock in this project. Kiss!

Peasants? Is that you peasants? Sam here with another unhinged episode description - let's see, what did we cover... Annie wants all of you to watch her movie Ghosts of Christmas past (her words, not mine!), a girl asked us if she should have bridesmaids who don't text her on her bday, and I reveal that I once hit a man with my car - never turned back to see if he lived or died. Jk... or maybe not? Only listening will tell!!

Ding dong! If you're reading this, please know that we know the first 12 minutes are kind of boring, ok? WE KNOW THAT. But we kept it in because if you get through them, you get some tea and gossip. Tea and crumpets. We wanted to know who the real ones were. Real recognize real. Listen to us talk about our home rennos and be rewarded with a little GOSSIP. 

A week late - WHY? Because I'm punishing you, MEOW! *Spanks you with paddle* XD -  Jk, it's because I got too sick to look at a screen for an extended period of time this week. I think we might be in the market for an editor - any takers?? Anyway this episode is really ramble heavy - not to the point where you shouldn't listen, but to the point where you might think "Why did she take a week to edit this just to leave all this irrelevant and slightly boring crap in?" That's for me to know, and you to suffer through. FELIZ NAVI DONUT! 

Aloha fuckers. I'm writing this as I have an existential crisis because Al Pacino just did an interview where he said he died and saw no afterlife. Had to spend the morning restoring my faith in the supernatural while trying to figure out what consciousness is - anyway, here's a podcast where you can hear us talk about wheres sperm goes and also listen to Annie talk to the people measuring her windows. Riveting! 

Sorry for the hiatus friends, I simply lost the ability to speak without gagging, and as an emeteph0be, I couldn't have that on the world wide. ANYWHO today we talk about how I exposed myself at my 12 week ultrasound, and also answer some questions about your lives even though the biggest question here is when will I stop feeling like a shell of a woman? I wish to god a podcast could answer that for me! ha ha... 

Gobble Gobble Canadian cucks! You'll notice today's episode is late - maybe that's because Sam had some logistical problems figuring out how to record it from the PITS OF HELL. Just kidding. Pregnancy is beautiful...For Annie. Why does everything always work out for her? Is it because she's beautiful and kind? We don't unpack that in this episode, but maybe I'll unpack it in therapy.