Dystopian Hot Dog

Arnie is needed in Tam's kitchen, Marv has deep reflections on his therapy and there's some circus stuff. 

Sexy nations, dead throats, rats and unclaimed/reclaimed baggage are all up for debate in this latest waste of everyone’s time. Never owned a bag. 

We thought we'd talk into a microphone again. Topics covered include graveyards, darts, kidneys, cleavage and Tam's ticker. 

Tam and Marv review My Octopus Teacher. They also discuss panto pranks from Ken Morley and ice cream van arousal. 

First of a double episode. Tam and Marv aren’t really maturing. Brian Blessed, Franz Ferdinand, dog theft, nipple tassels and outdated boxing announcement procedures all come together to create a stew of childish, male vomit. That aside, it’s very good. 

After a lengthy absence caused by a virus, Marv and Tam return. Birthmark maps, zebra sex and a cheese coffin are all mentioned. 

A Covid comeback. They’ve been in lockdown but Marv and Tam are back. Cameroon’s 1990 match up with England is revisited, Game of Thrones gets a mention and the tale of Rip Van Winkle is up for discussion. Oh, and the sound is positively poor. 

The Coronavirus has firmly established itself on our shores and who better to talk about it than Tam and Marv. Water cannon, lions, Esso garages, Coronavirus soap operas and swearing are all involved. Also contains Hitler. 

Tam reports back from Center Parcs and he has some serious racial findings for woke Marv and his cash. An apology to Dave Turner from Swindon, Donald Trump in India, Moon storage and Dean Koontz's CoronaVirus predictions.  Some Knightmare stuff too.

The lads debate the topics of the day once more, Ker Plunk versus Buckaroo, the success of half rice-half chips, the mistakes of TV advertisers and a long overdue exploration of the Hammer Exploding Festival in San Juan de la Vega. An accompanying video of the aforementioned festival https://youtu.be/3PpO0KRPHrM Educational. 

The most scattergun podcast in the Western Hemisphere returns. Sorry it’s been a while.  Tam and Marv spend time discussing the link between the original alcopops and Tom Hanks. We also get an update on young Barney’s toilet journey, the Coronavirus and the real reason why that Geordie flashed the BBC cameras. Crayfish wars, Hitler and the job descriptions of our fingers complete this barrel of arse. 

Up for discussion are Bob Mortimer, Hitler, Bryan Robson, wolf whistling and flashing. Braille is also proven to be past it’s sell by date. 

Tam gets one over on Dyson and, following the success of ToiletWorld, Marv proposes an idea for a theme park in Lanzarote. Also, Ming the Merciless gets a mention at last, Reet Petite’s true meaning is discovered and Tam goes bed hopping. Saucy. 

Russian dwarves, Russians blacking up, Chinese Russians....Those Russians, man. Tam’s cousin has an appointment with Mohammed, Marv works out Greta Thunberg’s issues thanks to some builders and a ladybird’s life is ruined. Plus some helpful tips on adoption and a seagull update.

The 2nd part of episode 17 looks at the truth behind Jack Spratt’s diet, Tam’s toilet based funfair creations and the discovery of Geoff Horsfield. Seagulls unfortunately darken our podcast door once more with their devious ways. Plus, Scooby Doo’s secret and German U-boats. 

First installment of episode 17 and as well as suffering a midlife crisis in Brighton, Tam has also been plunged into sadness by VAR and Bradford. On the plus side, he talks about the birth of German charisma whilst Marv reveals the hidden truth about one of our recent Prime Ministers. Hamster murder and Roy Walker get a surprise mention. 

The 2nd part of episode 16 is here. Ferry-based clown scrapping, an abusive pumpkin addict, an angry transsexual, a squeaky gate and kids named after verbs. Time for the ref to ditch the whistle too. Groundbreaking shite. These tweets are discussed in the episode....  https://twitter.com/martin_byrne67/status/1155519371046981633?s=09 https://twitter.com/SkyFootball/status/1157024393769488386?s=09

1st part of a double episode and the lads discuss pound shops in Kos, Pakistani politics, offended clowns and the dangers of urinating on a ferry. Japanese commuters also make their debut on the show. Usual crap. 

This is a roller coaster of an episode that takes us to animal theft, Newcastle airport, Simple Minds and gender reassignment. Important to note that when you hear the words Van Halen, you replace them with Def Leppard and the same with pineapples and water melons, Mr Prime Minister. Special mention too for the kids of Stoke-On-Trent.

Here we go, 1st part of episode 15 and Tam is educating Marvyn about the moon landings whilst Marv tells Tamlyn all about the time he crapped in a bag for fun. It was 1996 and that's Marv's excuse for everything isn't it.... Also, there's a look at how people (some blokes) have been handling the heat on trains and a touching bit of advice in how best to help an unconscious female on public transport whilst inebriated.

Tam and Marv give their expert analysis of the greatest sporting event that many of us have ever witnessed, the 2019 Cricket World Cup Final. No stone is left unturned. The lads also find time to bring a laser guided character breakdown of two other champions from that super sporting Sunday, Lewis Hamilton and Novak Djokovic.

Episode 13, part b.....Tam and Marv take their sophisticated chat up a notch this week by discussing how a stag do with the characters from Winnie the Pooh might go. We are also treated to some beautiful lavatory anecdotes. In fact, truth be told, it's a fairly toilet heavy episode this. Clowns feature heavily too.

DOUBLE EPISODE....First part. The lads use their wisdom to address the Women's World Cup Final and VAR. Distressing accounts too from the world of the 20 week scan and a primary school music recital. To top it off, the Dalai Lama proves that he loves nothing more than a naughty stag do.

The 2nd part of Episode 12 has a soulful start, in more ways than one. Marv sings, and then shows his spiritual side by suggesting he and Tam set up a charity. Tam's Turkish escapades, Tripadvisor nonsense and the origin of Marv's surname are on the agenda, as are the dangers of being a young man in a junkyard or a work-based toilet surounded by male Indians.

DOUBLE EPISODE (aren't they all these days, lads?), part 1. Tam visited the Pork Shop in Poulton and some pastry based products brought joy to Marvyn.  Resignations and sackings are discussed and Tam gives us an insight into how he deals with authority when he feels intimidated.  Marv's allergies bring their own fun and the greatest sports commentator in history is saluted.

2nd part of episode 11. Tam and Marv look ahead to their days together in a care home. It's not pretty. In other news Tam makes an idiot of himself at a water park and also whilst getting his make up done by Linda Lusardi. Most importantly, the lads deconstruct what really happened when a seagull recently stole the limelight.

First installment of a DOUBLE EPISODE. Tam apologises for dishing out bad medical advice on a recent episode before the lads delve into the world of insect stings. It turns out that bees may be bastards. Ants as sex toys, the Tory leadership contest, Bolivians scrapping and the Afghan wedding market are all up for discussion.

The 2nd part of episode 10...More 1996 memories from these 2 total has-beens mixed up with modern day advice about how to best use your urine in certain medical emergencies. Quite pathetic.

Contains strong language and sexual references. Massive shock. So many areas get covered. Marv's French text book gets especially covered (and Marv apologises for that section of the podcast). Mischief night, 1996, Denis Irwin in a far eastern prison, a 15 year old boy's approach to eye contact and Godzilla.

FINALLY, the 2nd part of episode 9 and Tam is in turmoil about Barney's toilet skills as well as superheroes. He's even losing old friends over it. In between Tam's angst are Marvyn's suspicions about the Unicorn's re-emergence.

Episode 9a. Tam and Marv focus on plans to feed starving Africans with Angel Delight as well as bombing the Far East. It's not all tasteful, happy stuff though as John Higgins died (briefly) and Tam had some of his face sliced off. Hurricanes and hovercrafts get an overdue mention and listen out for plans to re-energise snooker as a TV spectacle. Mozambique is also (now) a former French colony.  We're not experts. This snooker tweet gets discussed https://twitter.com/thehuwdavies/status/1123656294026625025

The 2nd part of episode 8 is finally here and it's largely dedicated to the bastards around us.  Fred West features heavily, obviously.  TOP TIP: When you hear the words Top Gun, immediately replace them in your mind with Naked Gun.  Enjoy this bullshit.

DOUBLE EPISODE again!! Tam and Marv throw their expertise towards missing children cases and also look back at how kids were treated back in the 80's. The humble Zulu is mentioned (at last!) as well as a disgraced snooker player from 30 years ago.  Enjoy the nonsense.

DOUBLE EPISODE 2nd part.  Further explorations of life through the eyes of Tam and Marv.  Divock Origi, Hhhhmm Danone, bees getting up far too early, pomping at Muslim females and Ron Jeremy all emerge.

DOUBLE EPISODE (again). After last week's chat about Slick Lips, Tam and Marv delve into the noisy world of the male sex toy, Autoblow. Tam has a weird moment at a funeral while Marv meets a careers mystic on an empty train. Feminism, nudism and Tam's son's birthday party are all addressed.

The 2nd installment of this DOUBLE EPISODE special. Tam's BBC Breakfast debut/farewell performance, the male dildo, the downsides of dog ownership, goose anger and some genuine Google fun.  Also, Guy Bovey or Guy Garvey?  Nothing in this episode is helping the human race.

DOUBLE EPISODE.  After a 6 month hiatus, Tam and Marv return without a vengeance.  Cats on stag do's are up for discussion as is the time that Tam was offered cash for sex in his Hyundai.  Dr Covichok makes his debut on the pod and has no time for Marv's hypochondria.  

An Antipodean feel to this episode as the hosts spout off about New Zealand sports team names and Neighbours.  Inspector Gadget, industrial carpet cleaners, Turkish injections and dreams about Aunties also crop up in a discussion that has no agenda and precious little point.

In the wake of the Bobby Madley scandal/rumours, Tam and Marv expertly unpick the nonsense. Other areas covered include; camping with Geordies, wheelbarrow advice for terrorists, breakfast fiascos and (obviously!) Tam farting. 

This week we get an update on Tam's recent arse surgery and an ensuing anal business idea.  It's not all bums though.  There's also a film review, childhood cartoon fantasies, insights into how to handle an apocalypse, an encounter with an actual giant and a horrific retelling of Marv's recent experiences at the sharp end of children's entertainment.  As usual, there's little point to any of it.

A thoroughly undetailed post mortem of England's World Cup exit.  This episode is contaminated by amateurism throughout as well as an unthought through jingle.  Werewolves are mentioned, as is Tam's hatred of youthful, tanned quad bikers.  Plus an update on Brian Kilcline.  It's all nonsense really, and not that good.

Tam and Marv discuss arse problems, alpha males, the football, Robson Green and some other stuff, but don't really get anywhere.